Will I Always Be Alone?

January 5, 2013 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Still Single

When I was in my teens (decades ago!) I had a vision of how my life would be in my thirties – Happily married with a couple of kids. The usual to do list that practically every parent envisions for their child – study, get a good job, get married, have kids and life happily ever after.
Will I always be alone

I look at my life now, and wonder what the ** happened. Where is that dream ? Where is that outcome ? How did life become so messed up!

In one aspect of my life, it’s been great. I did write about it before – Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men Avoiding the Wrong Ones (If only it was that easy!)

I did try…
Life After Break Up Building Walls Of Hope Of Love And Relationships

But then, all the failed relationships that went nowhere. With every heart breaking experience I feel I am losing a bit of myself.

It’s scary, I getting used to being alone and it’s even scarier that being alone is much easy!

Have you every had that feeling ?

Reasons it’s easier to be alone

I am a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy. There was this introduction phrase in episode, S 7 E 22 – “Unaccompanied Minor” that really resonated with me.
I thought of sharing it with you.

There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone.
It wasn’t cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it.

It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn you need love and then you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it?
What if you shape your life around it, and then it falls apart?
Can we even survive that kind of pain?

Losing love is like organ damage.
It’s like dying.
The only difference is death ends.
This?
It could go on forever.

No matter who you are , no matter how much of protected gear you where you are going to get the crap kicked out of you.
The pain of it is not going to disappear overnight.

But should we really be alone, because its easier to be alone? Sometimes risking it all may be worth it. But how do you know, what guarantee is there?

Only time will tell.

dumped breakup reversed

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Comments

2 Responses to “Will I Always Be Alone?”
  1. Gary says:

    Sounds exactly like me. With each passing year it seems to get worse. Each time I think finally I have the one I have been waiting for, I get crushed and lose more hope. Im not sure if I wan’t to chance feeling that pain again. Lonliness is a terrible thing but even worse is getting your teeth kicked out by someone you love and wanted a future with. I guess just stay in the moment. Maybe something good will happen before im put in an old folks home.

  2. kerina says:

    Ehh, my third time trying so hard for someone to love me, or even call me his girlfriend. It is so hard being in a one sided relationship. I feel unlucky and keeps wondering what is really wrong with me. Other girls easily get men who fall for them and claim them and own them. Ive never been lucky to get that. Its like I always fall for the wrong type. This guy i met this past summer (summer 2013) everything was going well for the first 3 months. He adored me and always checked on me. Because we live 4 hrs drive away from each other, We always saw each other every other weekend. He was always up for making my travel arrangements and making sure that I got to the station on time. However 3 months into the re/ship, he just changed and got so detached from me. I had to beg him for phone calls and try so hard to get the same kind of attention I used to. I also had to beg for him to allow me to go see him. Overtime, it got so confusing relating with him. One time he could be allover me and the next minute he treats me like shit. Recently I tried to bring up a conversation stating that i really liked him and was not sure if he felt the same way. He turned the whole thing into a joke and it was really mortifying. Upto now, im still in denial. I know that he doesnt care about me but i really dont want to believe it. I know that he has an ex who he might have still been inlove with when we met. I just thought that he was gonna drop everything with her, given how bad she treated him. Anyway, long story short. I feel useless, I’m torn a part and shattered to pieces. How could everything change so fast?? Like most of you all, I have lost all the motivation in life and Im hardly getting by. I just want love and I want god to help me out. I feel like Im loosing it. Im lonely, confused and hopeless. I need help.

    3

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