Will I Always Be Alone?
When I was in my teens (decades ago!) I had a vision of how my life would be in my thirties – Happily married with a couple of kids. The usual to do list that practically every parent envisions for their child – study, get a good job, get married, have kids and life happily ever after.
I look at my life now, and wonder what the ** happened. Where is that dream ? Where is that outcome ? How did life become so messed up!
In one aspect of my life, it’s been great. I did write about it before – Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men Avoiding the Wrong Ones (If only it was that easy!)
But then, all the failed relationships that went nowhere. With every heart breaking experience I feel I am losing a bit of myself.
It’s scary, I getting used to being alone and it’s even scarier that being alone is much easy!
Have you every had that feeling ?
Reasons it’s easier to be alone
I am a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy. There was this introduction phrase in episode, S 7 E 22 – “Unaccompanied Minor” that really resonated with me.
I thought of sharing it with you.
There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone.
It wasn’t cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it.
It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn you need love and then you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it?
What if you shape your life around it, and then it falls apart?
Can we even survive that kind of pain?
Losing love is like organ damage.
It’s like dying.
The only difference is death ends.
It could go on forever.
No matter who you are , no matter how much of protected gear you where you are going to get the crap kicked out of you.
The pain of it is not going to disappear overnight.
But should we really be alone, because its easier to be alone? Sometimes risking it all may be worth it. But how do you know, what guarantee is there?
Only time will tell.