When Your Ex Sends A Text Message After The Breakup: What To Do

April 25, 2011 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Break up Advice

You are really hurt over your recent breakup; You want get past the breakup pain and move on as quickly as possible. Just when you think you can pull yourself together and get life going on the “normal” track…


What do you do, when your ex sends you a text?

Well, this really depends on what you want from your ex. So here are 3 scenarios that might be able to relate to.
(This may seem pretty straightforward but when you are going through a difficult breakup what you should do and what you want to do often differ!)

1. You want nothing to do with your ex

When your ex sends a text message and you are certain that you want nothing to do with you ex, it’s pretty obvious what your next move should be.

Ignore the text message -> delete it without reading it!
A fair warning… I have gone the “I’ll just ignore it” route, and failed miserably. The thing is when your ex sent a text, even if you don’t read it you feel the urge to read it; to know what it is!

The other option is to let your ex know that you don’t want to be contacted again.

2. You want to be just friends with your ex

If you plan to remain “just friends”, make sure that correct expectations are set initially. If you are the one who dumped your partner, it’s possible that your ex is still in love with you or cares about you. Your friendliness may be misinterpreted as a sign of getting back together.

3. You want to get your ex back

It may be a good sign that your ex sent you a message. However, don’t jump into the conclusion that you got the text because your ex wants to get back together with you. Try to find out the actual reason for the text message. (I don’t mean to shatter all your hope, but it could well be that your ex misses you or wants something from you!)
(side note: I’ve written previous post on Should I Consider Getting Back With My Ex After Being Dumped?, which you might find useful)

Anyways, you are probably thrilled to receive the message and you want to immediately text or call back. But, don’t be too eager to respond to the message. You don’t want to give the impression that you’ve been waiting by the phone to hear from your ex, even though it may be the truth.

Also, keep the reply short. It should be “bait” to get a longer conversation going, so don’t detail out everything that happened while the two of you were apart.
This first text could be the first step towards reconciliation. Remember there is a long way to go.
Read through Reverse your breakup for some practical tips on how to actually get your ex back.

At the end of the day, whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s a firm decision and you don’t change your mind later.
For example, if you simply decide to just ignore the text, really do it. Don’t let your curiosity get the best of you.

I wish you the best!
dumped breakup reversed

dumped breakup reversed

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5 Responses to “When Your Ex Sends A Text Message After The Breakup: What To Do”
  1. Millie says:

    I was with my bf 4yrs at the start of our relationship I kept pushing him away then wanting him back I had a operation last yr and left me early hours of the morning after a party I felt I was to blame because I got stupidly drunk he left for 4 mths and texted me we got back together for a few months then I dumped him after 3 mths I’m devestated and find it hard to move on I lost trust in him when he left me in a terrible state

  2. ben judilla says:

    Ignore the text and do what you need to do, you want to forget him/her, move on, be tough and have dicipline to yourself, control is the key.

  3. jonathan says:

    I moved in with my gf, we lived together for 8months. I cared about her very much. After finding questionable private msgs on her fb acct from people out of town i broke up with her, and gave her 30 days to get out. I was so ready for her to leave. Finally, she left. Strange thing is I was crushed! My nerves were so torn up i started messing up at work and lost my job. I talked to her EVERYDAY in texts for the past 2 months and this tues. i stopped, mainly cos I found out she was dating someone else whom she claimed she was just thinking of dating. I don’t understand how someone can just move on so easily. I am still torn up. Could be because the majority of her stuff and her cat are still here!!!! It’s been 60 days and she hasn’t come to get it. I kept it all that time with a twisted hope we can fix things!! I moved everything out into the carport out of my house. But i miss her, though i know she is bad for me and we could never work because i never really felt she cared for me in the first place, she just wanted security and a place to stay. Anyway, i needed to vent a little… I am trying to get a clean break and closure, but i just know one day she is going to pull up in my yard to get her stuff with her new bf… and all the hurt will start all over again :/ maybe i can not talk to her at all in texts anymore or answer her phone calls… which is SO HARD, and not come to the door when she comes to get stuff. I will just tell her its in the carport. Thanks for the article, you’re right, can’t get over her if i keep being reminded of her

  4. Nathan says:

    My girlfriend and I were together for 3 and a half years. we ended up breaking up for a month because she kept ditching me evrytime we were going to hangout. It was always her job or her annoying best friend who hates me. But in that month my girl wuld always text me saying she misses me and she came over a couple times and had sex. eventually we just got back together on christmas eve. Two days later i get a text saying she wil always love me but is done. I have no idea why she broke up with me so being emotional i drove to her houe. im 21 and shes 22 and she lives with her parents. When i got there her car was packed with four of her friends and i culd hear them talking shit bout me and i realized she wasnt with them so i went up to the door and knocked. Her mom answered and said she didnt want to talk to me and her dad came and said for me to get over her and move on. so I left and i havent heard from her since. I tried texting her the next day begging and shit and asking why she did this and she didnt return any of my calls. here i am five days later depressed and i dont know what to do… Im not texting her anymore i wana get over her but i cant i keep looking at my phone praying she will text or call…. I want her back i feel pussy whipped cause i want her back after she was hella heartless..

  5. Audrey says:

    I was with my BF for 6yrs and I thought he would always be there for me but Iwas recently diagnosed with a pre cancer health issue that i am currently fighting & he has not been there for me not one time since. No support, no sign of care… Nothing. Its now going on 4 months since i was diagnosed & he has done nothing but make my life a living hell by making up reasons why he’s not there. Its not only heartless, selfish & cold to do this to someone in there time of need. Especially after I held his hand the entire time through his fathers death just 2 yrs ago. Its sickening how there are cowards out there like this. But I know im better off without him cuz someone who runs & hides at my time of need doesnt deserve to be in my life in the first place. Karma.

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