Side Note: I am taking a break on break up advice today and writing post which is a rambling about me. I thought it might be a good way to end this year!

A few years ago I was in love with someone, who not only broke my heart, but also broke my essence! It took everything in me, even just to have a shred of thought of getting over him. I never thought I’d see the day, but eventually, I did move on after getting dumped. While I am all “patched up” and happy that I have gotten to this stage in my life (where I don’t at all think about him in any way!), the experience I had has left several scars in me. Sadly, I think it affects my current moment, as well as the future!

Wasted precious years of my life!

This is one of the things I regret most about my life. I just turned 30 this month, and looking back I feel I wasted years of my life wallowing on someone who did not want me! At the time, I was naive to realize that I shouldn’t cry over someone who won’t cry over me. But then, better late than never huh?

Lack of Self Confidence

For a long time after being dumped, I kept asking myself, “why wasn’t I good enough for him”, why couldn’t I make him happy etc. Later, I realized that I should not tie up my sense of self with another person’s estimate of my physical attractiveness. But this is easier said than done. Even now, when I find myself faced with rejection by a casual date, I can’t help but wonder…

Issues trusting people

My ex usually said one thing, meant another and did something entirely different. I was blinded by love to see what was happening. So I still have issues trusting people; knowing whether “this is actually what it is”. Does that make sense?

Lost hope of “happily ever after”

I was a girl that was waiting for Prince Charming to come in and sweep me off my feet. I thought it happened and I was holding on to that dream without letting go. Being dumped taught me to think more rationally. I remind myself that when it comes to matters of the heart, not to rely on the idea that happily ever after exists. I don’t know whether this is good or bad, or whether I am being overly negative due to the things that I have gone through.

Looking for someone who is very “similar” to my ex

Yes, I am single. But it’s not because I don’t want to be in a relationship. I tried to throw myself back out into the dating pool. However, I find myself comparing the men I would date to my ex. There were some qualities in my ex that I liked; it is probably for those reasons that I fell in love with him in the first place! Having had “that” once, I don’t want to “settle for less”.

Have become “feelingless”

I get the feeling that I am unconsciously avoiding being in a relationship, mainly because I felt like SH** when he dumped me , I don’t want to go through that again. I know I am being pessimistic here and not every relationship is doomed. But nevertheless, I tend to not want to care for someone as much as I did before. Does that make me “feelingless” ?

At the moment, I don’t know how I plan to sort these issues out. I will do some reading on these topics, try to apply them to my life, wise-up and promise to post what I learn in Dumped Days. Stay tuned!

Related Posts

• 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up
• Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End
• Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex : 6 Effective Ways To Help You Stay Off The Phone!
• It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken (Book Review)
• Getting Dumped: 6 Break Up Lines I am Tired Of Hearing

rejection after relationship over

1. Know it’s not always your fault

After a relationship is over, you are very likely to take the rejection personally. If he or she dumped you, you may assume that anyone you get involved with will too. And hey let’s not stop there, may be no one likes you; may be you are not attractive enough.. etc You’ll end up working from the premise that to know you are not good enough.

I agree, rejection sucks no matter how sugar coated the reasons are and it’s one of those nasty by-products that come along with dating. The way you handle rejection is important in helping you keep your self-esteem.

When you are rejected, you often want to blame yourselves for being rejected. But the reality is that it’s usually the other person’s problem, not yours. When you faced with rejection you may try to forgive and forget and make excuses for the other person. If you do that you allow the fact that your relationship has ended to reflect inwardly which in turn, makes you feel bad about yourself.

2. Acknowledge that anyone can be rejected

From the book Don’t Take It Personally!: The Art of Dealing with Rejection
“Every human on this earth has been rejected in some way. It is part of the human experience and it does not skip over anyone. Even the most beautiful and successful people in the world have been rejected at some point. You’re not alone.”

You may not want to face the fact that you got rejected, but you did. It happens to everyone and comes as part and parcel of dating. Unfortunately, we all have to go through it at some point in our lives; so you are not alone.

3. Keep yourself busy

Get together with friends, find a new hobby, join a club and keep social. Not only will it be better for you mentally, but it can also serve as an entry point to your next relationship!

4. Don’t give up

Just because you got rejected once, it doesn’t mean you will always get rejected. Keep trying; dealing with rejection is an inevitable part of life. Sooner or later you will find someone.

Host: Do you want to ruin your good relationship with your significant other? Intentionally you might not want that. But what if you were doing just that, without even realizing it?
So I was pondering on this for some time and it made into a blog post!

Below is list(in no particular order) of several seemingly insignificant behaviors, each of which over time serves to erode the love between two people (which leads to a breakup or being dumped!). In reading this list of behaviors you may be embarrassed to recognize parts of yourself – and decide to change some of them on behalf of your relationship.

everyday things people do to ruin thier relationship

1. Thinking you are better than your partner

It’s human that everyone wants to feel valued and important; If you keep thinking that you are always better, and that you know more than your partner in every way, then it will make your partner feel undervalued and unimportant.
For example, if you are in a situation where as you make more money than your partner, or your career is on the right path etc, there is no need to throw it in his face.

2. Trying To Change your partner

This is a classic relationship breaker! However perfect you think your partner is when you first meet them, eventually there will be all sorts of annoying traits that you would like to change about them. Changing your partner is an uphill struggle, can cause problems in your relationship.

3. Not being appreciative

Appreciation is something most of us crave. Encouraging expressions, appreciative gestures and warm acknowledgments form the basis of a healthy relationship. Sometimes you may tend to take things for granted.

4. Blaming your partner for your disappointments

When in a relationship, it’s very easy to keep blaming your partner for your disappointments. It’s one of the most significant ways we destroy our own joy and peace of mind. It is also one of the biggest ways we undermine the other person.

5. You stop communicating with your partner

At the start of every relationship, it seems like people can’t stop talking. You spend countless hours on the phone or cuddled up on a couch somewhere talking to one another.
Sometime with all the busy schedules that both of you have, there might not be any room for “talk time” anymore.

6. Ignoring your partner

They say the one thing worse than being hated by someone is simply to be ignored by them. Being ignored means the person doesn’t even care enough to waste the energy of anger on you.
If you’re ignoring your partner (or vice-a-versa) for any period of time longer than a few days, that’s a sure sign the relationship is in trouble.

7. Accuse your partner of cheating

If you have serious cause to think that your partner is cheating, then you might want to not even bother reading the rest of this list, and go dump him or her now! But if you get a little crazy or paranoid and start throwing out accusations that have no real basis in fact, your partner will probably not stick around to listen to them for very long.

Now that you know the most common relationship killers, it is time to examine yourself and find out if you are guilty of these. If you are, then it is high time you do something about it now, before it is already too late. Safe guard your relationship from ruining.. Its a continuous effort!

What would you do, if one of these people asked you for a second chance? Showed remorse for what happened previously; pleaded with you, and told you how much he/she has changed… for the better? How hard would it be to give that second chance?

“Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me”

Famous sayings such as the above don’t make it any easier!

This person hurt you once; you felt let down.

• How can you be sure that it won’t happen again?

• Has this person really changed?

• Could you see yourself ever trusting him/her?

• Caring about him/her freely again after what he/she did?

• Would you want to risk it ALL again?

Have you ever been in caught up in such torment?

On giving someone who broke your heart a second chance: My two cents

People fight; get confused about what they want. They breakup and get back together; It happens. What matters is should it happen to you.

You have to be able to realize what went wrong the last time and not let emotions cloud your judgment.

Make sure that the other person is sincere in efforts to get back together and for wanting a second chance. If this is not the case, you could find the one who cares enough to not hurt you that much. Just be honest with yourself about if he/she is worth the risk again. If not, you’re setting yourself up for another breakup.

I hesitated reading it because I just wanted to wallow in pain. I guess nobody wants to admit that they, if not now, then at some point in their lives, might actually need to hear why it’s called a breakup!
Eventually, after a few weeks, I finally picked up the book, with the intention of just to browsing the pages. What seemed like a casual browse, lasted for a few hours and I ended up reading the entire book at one go.

It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken is structured in two parts. The first part, “The Breakup” centers around coming to terms with the reality that the relationship is truly over, and the next part “The Breakover” focuses on coping with this new reality.

The Breakup

Every section has a Dear Greg section where people have wrote these questions and Greg answers them. One or more of these questions is bound to help you or at least be similar to the situation you are going through.

The chapters end with a workbook segment offering simple questionnaires, exercises and even recipes. A few out of the ordinary ones as well like the “Psycho Confessional”–in other words, mistakes that you want to avoid during your own breakup. Not forgetting, the really neat crossword puzzle, to make you feel better!

The Breakover

Wrap up

• Every section contains the best and worst news.

This was one of my favorite parts of the book. It features these things called Awesome Thoughts that actually make you feel better; like the first awesome thought is that annoying thing your ex did will never bother you again.


• I felt the authors were genuinely sympathetic about just how painful the loss of a relationship can be, yet at the same time, they provide an oft-necessary “kick in the pants” on the road to recovery.
• The book is based very much on their experiences as well as the experiences of the anonymous people they use for anecdotes throughout the book. Many of the tales are funny, some are sad, and others are plain ridiculous. Whatever you are going through, there is a story in the book that can come close. There is always something to relate to. (I am very much ashamed to admit that I saw myself in so many of the scenarios of this book.)

Is It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken For You?

Getting over a breakup is never easy. But there are good ways and bad ways to deal with it. I’ve experienced both!

Overall, this book is more geared towards women, all intended to provide the breakup victim with a much-needed self-esteem boost, include “Pretty Lady” and “Hot Stuff.” However, as Greg makes clear from his own story, either sex can be the one that gets dumped. Therefore, the authors encourage guys to read the book too! At least the bonus chapter “Dude, Get Off Her Lawn.” For men or women stuck in post-breakup purgatory, this book might be just what they need to set themselves free.

Good luck, I wish you all the best!

This week has been quite a dreaded week. Tune into watch a favorite TV series, a Valentine’s Day gift or some related message is thrown right in front of your face. It’s that time of the year, where you see a red heart shaped something, every corner you turn.
This is all well and good if you are in a loving relationship, and can look forward to an evening of romance (and more!). Hopefully, your partner will remember that it’s Valentine’s Day (how can anyone forget it, when it’s such a constant reminder!) and show great appreciate of how wonderful it is to have you as a partner.
Then there’s a flip side where you can’t bare to hear words like “single,” “happy,” and “valentine” in one sentence. This is more applicable if you are getting over a break up or have been single for a while; Valentine’s Day can be an annoying nightmare. You want to wake up from it as soon as possible, but reality is making a great effort to prolong every possible minute!

I made a promise to myself last Valentine’s Day (2009), “I am not going to be single for next year’s Valentine’s Day”. Faster than I could blink 2010 arrived and fast forwarded to today. Sadly, I am still staring at the same bleak path. It’s not the chocolate wrapped in fancy paper, nor the giant teddy bears or the roses that I long for. It’s much much more…
So how is it that a sexy, smart, successful and charming individual is single on Valentine’s Day?

Why the F*** am I single? (while I’d like to answer that here, it deserves a post of its own.. which will come in the future. Stay tuned!)

You might think I am desperate. May be I am. But for the right person. How many “wrong” people should I date before I find the right one? How many “wrong” relationships should I be in before I can live “happily ever after”? (Dear God, if you have a plan, I don’t understand it!)

Accept relationship is over after a breakup

So, take it from someone who went through the process of being dumped, sitting around feeling sorry for yourself day after day isn’t going to help. One of the most important things you’ll need to do is admit to yourself that the relationship is over (however you may be feeling!). Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you’re fantasizing about getting back together.

I’m highlighting this again,

The road to recovery start with accepting your break up.

Until you do this, you really can’t do anything else.

If you hang onto the relationship for a little too long, and this can cause you to do stupid and desperate things, which you might regret later.

The ugly truth of being dumped is no one wants to get dumped; It’s not in our nature to know how to accept it! Sadly, I can’t make you not feel hurt for the one you have lost. But eventually, we deal with it all, we have to. It makes us who we are today.

This is a question I have often wondered sitting in a dark corner over a stub of my favorite ice cream!
So, you can imagine my child like enthusiasm when I see a book title that clearly speaks to me! Smart Women, Foolish Choices. Did I mention that I am a graduate with a stable career, but when it comes to men, I always find myself on the wrong side of fate. Yap, I think I fir the profile well!

I picked up the book for the store shelf and browsed through the book content. It was convincing and didn’t cost that much so bought the book. While I was leisurely reading it, I felt like someone had followed me around and written about my life. Seriously….

Written by two licensed professional counselors, Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices is a valuable book on how to gage erroneous, futile mechanisms and thought processes that keep women in hopeless mindsets and equally hopeless relationships.

What Smart Women, Foolish Choices offers the reader

• It clearly explains why women seem to be falling for the wrong men and why these wrong men seem to be so attractive and exciting.
• It offers tips on how women can come into their own power and to take assured chances with the opposite sex.
• It shows you how to confront and change your hidden, love-defeating attitudes and stereotypes, the difference between “love” and “longing”.
• Personal assessment exercises, to test what you know and what you have learned after reading the book. These tests will help give you an idea of where you stand and what you need to focus on. These tests include The Patterns of Relationship Quiz, The Love Addiction Test, and the Satisfaction of Needs Test.

The one thing I didn’t agree about the book
In some parts of the book, it seemed as if the authors put the blame on women, suggesting the problem lies in the fact that women do not give men of who don’t appeal to them, a long enough chance. Bull****!!! May be since this book is written by men, it may a bit biased to their own sex!

Overall: Is Smart Women, Foolish Choices for you?

I would recommend this book to

• Those who have been led to falsely believe that all men are commitment-phobic slugs and want validation to seek emotionally mature men that embrace confident, mature women for what they bring to the union.
• Any woman who has found that she has a lot going for her, but can’t figure out why her relationships with men always end in disaster. You will gain is knowledge, insight, and the chance to practice self-reflection.

I must also highlight that you can’t just read a book and expect things to automatically improve. YOU must do the work, and only YOU can make the changes.

Be The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave, yeah right

When I found myself single again after being dumped in 2008, I dove into a series of relationships with men that started out strong, but eventually fizzled out. If you are a woman you would know how frustrating it can sometimes be to make a man fall in love with you; especially if you don’t know what you need to do or what you have tried did not work.

I skimmed through some online articles that offered relationship advice and came across, The Woman Men Adore and Never Want to Leave. I am skeptical of any product that claims to improve my love life just hours after trying them. However, I purchased this for the following reasons.

1. Full money back guarantee. I thought to myself, if I am not satisfied with it, I can still get my money back and won’t lose anything.

2. The ebook is written by Bob Grant a Licensed Professional Counselor, therapist, and relationship coach of 17 years. Of all the relationship guru’s out there, Bob Grant seemed authentic and he is qualified to give relationship advice.

3. One chapter was provided for free at the official website. I got a good glimpse of what I might be paying for.

4. As a bonus they offer free 15-minute private telephone consult with Bob Grant. While the book contents would be “general” I want to get some advice related to my specific experience.

5. They have a very convincing sale page! I don’t usually let marketing gimmicks trick me into buying things. Since there was a money back guarantee, I went on to purchase it.

Overall: Is The Woman Men Adore and Never Want to Leave worth Reading?

The book promises to offer value to just about any woman by revealing how to use tools and assets that they already have to attract the kind of man they want or to improve their current relationship. Beyond the hype of the book title, the question remains as to how much of it would actually be delivered.

• I realized that many scenarios were based on real life and bases the conclusions drawn on feedback received from those who have tried the author’s relationship advice and found it to be successful for them.
• I must admit that there were some things in the book that I already knew. However, the ideas and methods suggested to turn around this situation seem quite rational and sound.
• The one thing I found annoying was that the book implies that the woman just has to mould herself into what the man would adore!
• When reading this, you must keep in mind that the book only shows you what men generally want. The man you are after may not want the same things!

All things considered, the women men adore and never want to leave, is a enlightening ebook filled with relationship advice for the woman who wants to learn how to influence a man, what increases confidence, what men are attracted to, how to relate to men, how to share their feelings in ways that men will actually listen and respond to, and how to get men to start giving you what you need.

So, if you are someone who is looking for ways to make a man fall in love with you or trying to understand the man you’ve already got, you might want to give this book a try and Become The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave !