Getting Back With Your Ex

“Please don’t do this to me”

Ending a relationship that was once something wonderful between the two of you, is emotional destabilizing. It’s bad enough that you had to pile up the courage and initiate the break up. Hearing these words now, may spark that guilty feeling again.

“I can’t live without you”

I am a bit embarrassed to say that I said this myself to my ex several years ago! He insisted that we end the relationship but I was holding on to something I never had ( Of course, I didn’t have that sense and sensibility to realize that at that time!) I couldn’t imagine a life without him. I was convinced that I couldn’t live without him.

Here I am, several years later… still breathing!

I am living proof that your ex can live without you. It’s not pleasant, it’s not fun, but it’s also not fatal. The pain will never go away completely, but with time it will subside.

“I love you so much. Why can’t you see that?”

With this sentence the emotional tug of war begins. In most cases, you don’t break up because you are so in love with each other. You break up because one or both parties are unhappy.

“I’ll do anything.”

R i g h t! Now this one though, is surely unbelievable. How can someone do anything? Your ex should have done “anything” when the two of you were together, not NOW.

“I have changed”

Real change manifests itself with actions. If your ex has to use words to say this, then obviously it has not reflected in action.

“You ‘re making a big mistake”

Don’t let these words tempt you into getting back together. As time goes by you might forget exactly how bad it was.
My question to you is

Can you really believe that the one who hurt you most, won’t hurt you again?

If for some valid reason, you are getting back with your ex, make sure that it’s thoroughly thought through, and NOT a hasty decision. You don’t want to go through the same break up process with the same person again, now do you?

Regret After A Break Up

My “feel good” reply, “I am the queen of looking back and saying, “Gosh, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do.” I have so many regrets that they could fill the Grand Canyon!”

Then there’s always the harsh truth….
You may retrace everything you said,
Everything you did while you were in the relationship.
You may blame yourself for small things that happened, thinking that’s why the break up happened.

Irrespective of the reasons for breaking up a relationship or who initiated the breaking up, sometimes we all get caught up in the web of regret. Honestly, I think it’s natural to have feelings of regret after a break up (to a certain extent!); the challenging part is what you do with that regret!

Why Do You Regret Breaking Up?

Some break ups are thought out and occur over time; others are not. Whether a break up is based on a rash, unanticipated act or something that you have planned to do there are usually substantial and significant reasons for the act of breaking up to occur.

If you are the one that initiated the break up, assess your reasons. Did your ex cheat on you? Did they live a destructive lifestyle? Were they unwilling to work together for the good of the relationship? If so, the chances of your relationship thriving, would have been very slim.
If you cannot come to terms with your reasons, you are likely to always question your decision for breaking up.

Getting Past The Feelings Of Regret After A Break Up

In my life, yes, there have been a few occasions where I regretted my actions that caused the break up. I always told myself that the break up was for the best, but wondered how life would be different now, if I had stayed with another person.
We can all look back on things in our past with rose colored sunglasses. The bottom line is, there was a reason(s) why the two of you broke up.

There was a reason why your relationship did not work….
There was a reason why you made no contact

You need to move forwards with your life and leave the past in the past. The person you split with is not going to change; they are still in time going to be the same person that you broke with because you no longer wanted to be with them.

Over to you… have you experienced feelings of regret after a break up? In your opinion, what’s the best way to deal with it?

Being dumped is the worst feeling ever

Being Dumped : The realization that it ends here

You had a lifetime of activities planned and your loving partner was a major part in this future script. Then to suddenly realize that you have been dumped…, it’s like the carpet you standing on is pulled right-out from underneath. Your life as you knew it doesn’t exist anymore, and it feels like a part of you is missing. Sometimes you feel like you’ll never be happy again.

Being Dumped : The worst part of the end of a relationship can be the lack of one

When you are in a relationship, you tend to give a lot of the “me” activities you enjoy in favor of the “we” activities that you could do as a couple. Gradually, you begin to enjoy and the things you’ll do together becomes a routine. When a relationship ends, sometimes it feels like you need to adjust your routine as well.
For example, my boyfriend (now ex!) and I used to go running every week-end morning. After we broke up, I still wanted to continue my running, but the very activity reminded me of him.
Another thing that made me miserable was coming home to an empty house after work; missing the affectionate words I used to hear all the time… yes, I missed him all over again!

Being Dumped : The Fear

You will find yourself facing two very real fears.
1) The fear that you will never recover from this pain
2) The fear that no one will ever love you again.

Being Dumped : The wounded ago

The lousiest feeling in the world is when you love someone so deeply and intimately that it suddenly ends with rejection by our partner. Finding out that they do not return the love and emotion that you have for them is one of the worst feelings there is.

Have you ever been dumped? What’s the worst feeling you experienced about being dumped?

Break up Advice I hate

Break Up Advice #1: Time heals all wounds

This is probably the most common & overused break up advice of all time! I absolutely hate this word: TIME….

Now, you might think that I am being immature. Not at all.
I perfectly understand getting over someone is a long term process.
I realize that I will get over this eventually, and I need to hang in there and be positive.

Ok. So why don’t I want to hear “time heals everything” type of break up advice? Well, this sensible logic does not seek in when you have just broken up; when I am getting over someone, I don’t want to “wait” to feel good; what I want to know is “How can I feel better right NOW?”

Break Up Advice #2: You’re a real catch, you’ll be just fine.

While this may be true, what it actually does is make me feel like my feelings of loneliness and heartbreak are invalid; as if those feelings shouldn’t exist and that my pain is something to ignore.

Break Up Advice #3: You are better off without him/her

I guarantee that you will hear “you’re better off without ….” from everyone you know after the break up. I can’t believe that it has become casual conversation for some people. Here’s an actual life script from my past.

3 days after my break up I am at office with my brave face, pouring a cup of coffee near the Coffee maker. Along comes a colleague who I have spoken to about once or twice.
Colleague : Sorry to hear that you broke up with …
Me: silently force a fake smile
Colleague : Are you ok?
Me: I’m getting by I wanted to yell, NO!
Colleague : You know, I didn’t tell you this before but I never liked him, even when you guys were dating. You are better off without him.
Me: Hm.. try my best to keep calm and not lash out !

Break Up Advice #4: There are other fish in the sea

Of course there are other fish in the sea! It would border on the ridiculous to say or think otherwise. However, during a break up we tend to think along the lines of “you’re still the one for me”, “How do I get my Ex back” and looking beyond that, seems near impossible.

I would like to hear your thoughts and experiences on listening to such break up advice. Do you get the urge to strangle the person who says such things! Or is it a non-issue for you?