Getting Over You Getting Over Me

He’s the first thing I think about every day….. How is he? Does he miss me, like I miss him? How do I get him back? … And another day without him begins.

There’s no denying it; Getting over a break up can be one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching things you’ll ever have to do. You can cry, eat a pound of ice cream and write angry letters to your ex in your online journal, but eventually you have to face reality.

Getting Over You: My Story

Once upon a time (about one year ago) the guy I was madly in love with ended our relationship. (I prefer to say that instead of “he dumped me, abruptly”!) There wasn’t a lot of warning signs on my end. He’d been a bit aloof in the weeks prior, but he brushed it off as “too much work”. I was led to believe that it was work-related stress and accepted that with blind faith.

The few months that followed were miserable. We continued to talk. I was convinced the break up was a big mistake and that he will eventually come to his senses and we will get back together. I was completely absorbed with “what did I do wrong?” “What did I miss?” He had been an amazing boyfriend, that it was very hard for me to consider anything he had done wrong (except dumping me of course!).

Getting Over Me: The Bitter Side

We continued to be “just friends”. A couple months after we broke up, I still went to certain gatherings with him, celebrated his birthday with him, I gave him thoughtful Christmas gifts… etc. I was miserable, but he dangled hope in front of me!

Then in January, I found out that he started seeing someone else. Later, I heard that he had spent Christmas with her family. That’s when I went from miserable to totally devastate.

Getting Over You, Getting Over Me: Lessons learned

Perhaps, that was the whack on the head I needed to move on; let go. That was the moment I realized, there was no point hoping of a future with him. I felt really stupid & ashamed for the way I was pining after him.

1. One of the things that keep most people from moving on (& getting over a break up!) is, holding on to false hope. Some are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with their ex’s.

2. If you were the one that was being dumped (aka, your partner who called things off! ), often the onus of reuniting lies on them. If you go chasing after someone who is not willing to take you back, not only will you aggravate your relationship with them, you will also damage your self esteem.

3. Being “Just Friends” doesn’t always work. Ok so you tell this person you just want to be friends now. That is probably not a good idea. You will have to deal with hearing about them moving on and seeing other people, which leads to my next point!

4.Jealousy is self destructive. Seeing the one you were with, in the arms of someone else.. gosh it’s damn annoying and frustrating! Jealousy often leads you to do very stupid things, which you might regret later!

Finally, the most important one… getting over a broken heart is a long-term process. You will need to work through your feelings, reach out to others, and focus on yourself. Give yourself permission to experience your feelings as they occur.