In response to my previous post on, When Your Ex Sends A Text Message After The Breakup: What To Do, I received an email last week from a reader. She detailed out her road of agony and asked me, “should I consider getting back with my ex after being dumped?”. I replied her with my two cents, but specifically mentioned that I am not a licensed therapist. All what I can give advice on are based on my painful personal experiences and the ones that I’ve seen my friends go through.

Anyway, it brought back some memories of my own breakup and how I was running around trying to do everything possible to get back with my ex.

I am bit embarrassed to admit but there was once a time when I also considered getting back with my ex after being dumped. To me, it seemed as if getting back together was the only possible solution. Being blinded by all the emotions I was going through, I didn’t see anything wrong with it. In fact the immediate days that followed the breakup, I could think of nothing else but wonder, “What can I do to get back with him and be the way we were”.

I didn’t have any respect for myself and did everything I could do, that I shouldn’t have done! It took a while to realize that I need to move on, and there is no point in pining after someone that does not want anything to do with me (Harsh truth!).

Ebooks like Get Your ex-boyfriend back or Pull Your Ex Back make it sound ridiculously easy. I don’t understand why these ebooks record such a high sales rate. Perhaps it’s because of the 60 day money back guarantee or maybe there are loads of people out there, who actually consider getting back with their ex and they want a proven guide.

While there is no YES/NO clear cut answer to “Should I consider getting back with my ex after being dumped?” I think the two most important questions you need to ask YOURSELF instead is

1. Could You Give Someone Who Broke Your Heart A Second Chance ?
(I wrote about it previously so, not going to repeat myself here again)

2. What’s the real reason you want to get back with your ex?

Is it because you are lonely?
Is it because you hate the thought of starting all over again and trying to find someone else?
Is it because you are so used to the lifestyle you two had together?

Believe me, these are all the wrong reasons to get back with your ex.

On the other hand, if you were being dumped for a misunderstanding or perhaps, you did something wrong that really annoyed your ex etc.. If so, you should try to see whether it’s possible to reconcile with your ex.

My Story: Moving on After getting dumped

Every day I am consumed with thoughts of deception, hurt and loss of hope. I read stories and self-help guides on how to move on after getting dumped and it amazes me how these people can keep writing this stuff!

I am living proof that for the past year I have been playing this roller coaster ride in hopes that I could reconcile things with him and get back together. There were many times I just wanted to run over to his place shake him up until he realized that I am the one for him. Of course it never happened; I didn’t have the energy nor the guts to do it.

I know one thing for sure. I should have moved on a long time ago. Believe me, I have gone through break ups before and I never had a problem of moving on before. But this fella really shook me up. For some reason I have this overwhelming feeling of holding on, keeping hope.
Anyway, after some time I did finally move on after getting dumped. Here are few things that I think will help you.

Accept that it’s over

As long as you keep hoping that there is a tiny ounce of a chance that you two are going to get back together, you will not be able to move on. So don’t give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Tell yourself that this was a chapter in your life that has now closed and you are now ready to grow and enter another chapter of your life.

Let yourself be sad

Everyone around want you to cheers up and move on. While their intentions are noble the turnaround will not happen in instantaneously. None of us likes to be upset or depressed. However, when a relationship ends, irrespective of who ended it, you lose a part of your life. If you were dating for a short time, the sad period probably won’t last that long. But for a long-term relationship, you might be sad for a really long time.

Letting yourself feel the sadness will let you deal with the emotions and the break up pain. Remember that getting over being dumped is more than just moving on. If you can deal with the bad feelings, you’ll be better to able to experience the good feelings that come when you’ve moved on.

Write about your feelings

Are you annoyed, angry, furious with what your ex did? Don’t let all those emotions eat you up. Write about it. For some reason writing about things collects your thoughts, and believe me, you will feel much better after you vent out what’s inside you.

Keep yourself busy

After a break up you suddenly feel as if you have so much more time on your hands. Learn something new ; there is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time.

Here are 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up, in case you run out of ideas!
Note that keeping yourself busy is not a solution. However, it’s something that can help you feel better.

Forgive yourself

Sometimes getting dumped can make you feel as if you are a failure at love. You may also feel like the chances of experiencing a “their happily ever after future” has just been obliterated. The Why’s, What if’s , and If only I’d… statements take over, driving even the sanest person to the brink of insanity.

Learn from It.

Each experience helps you to develop new layers and fill up fresh wells of life experiences to draw from. So use it your advantage! Look over your relationship, what have you learned? What was good about it and what went wrong. Use these notes as a tool to improve your relationships skills.

Eliminate

Get rid of things that revive memories of the past, and while you’re at it, purge anything else that brings you pain. Delete old emails, toss old mementos, or gifts.
You might be interesting in reading a previous post on How To Forget Your Ex When EVERYTHING Around Reminds You Of Your Ex or Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex : 6 Effective Ways To Help You Stay Off The Phone!

Focus on the future.

What do you want to do next? Would you like to get into another relationship soon? Do you just want to wait and see what happens?
Perhaps you have been neglecting other areas of your life. Now is the time to put your focus back on your career, your fitness etc. Make a list of goals, and positive changes you would like to make in your life and start working towards them.

Good luck!

I got dumped; Is it my fault

1. You gave away your trust easily

2. Your expectations were too high

3. There was no commitment on your part

4. You were too busy

5. Your partner gets bored of you, and doesn’t find you challenging

6. Lack of communication

7. You were too “clingy”

8. Bad habits are frequently displayed

9. You forced your partner into a relationship when he/she didn’t want one

10. You were too controlling

11. You deceived your partner

12. You are always very negative

13. You went into the relationship for the wrong reasons

Any of these sounds familiar?

Related Posts

• Be The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave, yeah right!

• Getting Dumped: 6 Break Up Lines I am Tired Of Hearing

• On Being Dumped: Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You

• Getting Dumped : Lessons Learned From The Men Who Dumped Me

• Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat

rejection after relationship over

1. Know it’s not always your fault

After a relationship is over, you are very likely to take the rejection personally. If he or she dumped you, you may assume that anyone you get involved with will too. And hey let’s not stop there, may be no one likes you; may be you are not attractive enough.. etc You’ll end up working from the premise that to know you are not good enough.

I agree, rejection sucks no matter how sugar coated the reasons are and it’s one of those nasty by-products that come along with dating. The way you handle rejection is important in helping you keep your self-esteem.

When you are rejected, you often want to blame yourselves for being rejected. But the reality is that it’s usually the other person’s problem, not yours. When you faced with rejection you may try to forgive and forget and make excuses for the other person. If you do that you allow the fact that your relationship has ended to reflect inwardly which in turn, makes you feel bad about yourself.

2. Acknowledge that anyone can be rejected

From the book Don’t Take It Personally!: The Art of Dealing with Rejection
“Every human on this earth has been rejected in some way. It is part of the human experience and it does not skip over anyone. Even the most beautiful and successful people in the world have been rejected at some point. You’re not alone.”

You may not want to face the fact that you got rejected, but you did. It happens to everyone and comes as part and parcel of dating. Unfortunately, we all have to go through it at some point in our lives; so you are not alone.

3. Keep yourself busy

Get together with friends, find a new hobby, join a club and keep social. Not only will it be better for you mentally, but it can also serve as an entry point to your next relationship!

4. Don’t give up

Just because you got rejected once, it doesn’t mean you will always get rejected. Keep trying; dealing with rejection is an inevitable part of life. Sooner or later you will find someone.

Host: Do you want to ruin your good relationship with your significant other? Intentionally you might not want that. But what if you were doing just that, without even realizing it?
So I was pondering on this for some time and it made into a blog post!

Below is list(in no particular order) of several seemingly insignificant behaviors, each of which over time serves to erode the love between two people (which leads to a breakup or being dumped!). In reading this list of behaviors you may be embarrassed to recognize parts of yourself – and decide to change some of them on behalf of your relationship.

everyday things people do to ruin thier relationship

1. Thinking you are better than your partner

It’s human that everyone wants to feel valued and important; If you keep thinking that you are always better, and that you know more than your partner in every way, then it will make your partner feel undervalued and unimportant.
For example, if you are in a situation where as you make more money than your partner, or your career is on the right path etc, there is no need to throw it in his face.

2. Trying To Change your partner

This is a classic relationship breaker! However perfect you think your partner is when you first meet them, eventually there will be all sorts of annoying traits that you would like to change about them. Changing your partner is an uphill struggle, can cause problems in your relationship.

3. Not being appreciative

Appreciation is something most of us crave. Encouraging expressions, appreciative gestures and warm acknowledgments form the basis of a healthy relationship. Sometimes you may tend to take things for granted.

4. Blaming your partner for your disappointments

When in a relationship, it’s very easy to keep blaming your partner for your disappointments. It’s one of the most significant ways we destroy our own joy and peace of mind. It is also one of the biggest ways we undermine the other person.

5. You stop communicating with your partner

At the start of every relationship, it seems like people can’t stop talking. You spend countless hours on the phone or cuddled up on a couch somewhere talking to one another.
Sometime with all the busy schedules that both of you have, there might not be any room for “talk time” anymore.

6. Ignoring your partner

They say the one thing worse than being hated by someone is simply to be ignored by them. Being ignored means the person doesn’t even care enough to waste the energy of anger on you.
If you’re ignoring your partner (or vice-a-versa) for any period of time longer than a few days, that’s a sure sign the relationship is in trouble.

7. Accuse your partner of cheating

If you have serious cause to think that your partner is cheating, then you might want to not even bother reading the rest of this list, and go dump him or her now! But if you get a little crazy or paranoid and start throwing out accusations that have no real basis in fact, your partner will probably not stick around to listen to them for very long.

Now that you know the most common relationship killers, it is time to examine yourself and find out if you are guilty of these. If you are, then it is high time you do something about it now, before it is already too late. Safe guard your relationship from ruining.. Its a continuous effort!

Words of a broken heart

I can’t believe you’ve left me, you’ve spurned me

I can’t live without you (I won’t live without you . . .)
Please take me back
I love you so much, you have to love me
My heart is aching, I can’t breathe, I can’t walk, the sadness
is crushing me
I am so alone
Life can’t be this cruel and unfair
See my misery and make things right
You are all that matters, you are beautiful, you are the one

I am nothing without you
Only you can make me happy

And the song goes on. The pain of lost love is a terrible thing; it’s devastating and it can have lasting consequences. But if you look at the lyric, is there a whole lot in it that concerns the well-being of the other person? Not really. It seems to be all about the “me”, not the “you”. The you may in fact be doing alright, may not be suffering much, but that isn’t the me’s concern here.

They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.~Elizabeth Wilder

Yes, the first few days after a break up, you will be able to relate to Elizabeth Wilder feelings! However, eventually, you will forget your ex but.. YOU NEED TO MAKE AN EFFORT ON YOUR PART to make it happen.

Forget your ex

1. Accept that the relationship is over

You will never be able to move on after a break up if you still cling to the possibility of getting back with your ex. Don’t dwell too much on the past and learn to accept that it’s over. You forget your ex if you are in the proper frame of mind. Focus on what you can do to become a better person without your ex by your side.

2. Refrain from reliving moments

If there was a special place you went together, you had a special song or anything else that will trigger happier moments, AVOID it. This is one of the most important steps in trying to erase those memories of your ex.

3. Get rid of the mementos

Photos, gifts and other mementos are reminders of the time you spent as a couple. Keeping photos of your ex all around the house will just cause you to pine away for them. It will prolong your efforts to forget your ex and may cause you to regret the breakup. Do yourself a favor and put them away.

4. Change Your Surroundings

I understand that there is a limit to which you can change your surroundings. But there are simple things like rearranging your room, getting new bed sheets, putting up a new painting or poster you can do. This will help you feel like you are moving forward and moving on.

Also, a temporary change of scenery was also effective. I took a couple of days leave from work, and went to my sister’s for a short stay.

5. Delete your ex’s number from your phone.

You won’t be able to forget your ex, as long as you keep in touch with your ex. Try to avoid contact with your ex, at least the initial few weeks following the break up. So, delete the phone numbers, and other online traces of your ex and make a clean break.
If you are finding it difficult to stay of the phone read my previous post Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex

6. Keep yourself occupied

If your mind is idle, it could lead you to unwanted images or feelings. So it is important to keep yourself busy when you are trying to forget your ex. Try physical activities, some sport, go to the gym, go swimming, go jogging, just walk or do something that you enjoy, but couldn’t do when your ex was around! Here are more ideas to on ways to keep you busy after a break up.

Any ideas you can contribute to forget your ex?

I hesitated reading it because I just wanted to wallow in pain. I guess nobody wants to admit that they, if not now, then at some point in their lives, might actually need to hear why it’s called a breakup!
Eventually, after a few weeks, I finally picked up the book, with the intention of just to browsing the pages. What seemed like a casual browse, lasted for a few hours and I ended up reading the entire book at one go.

It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken is structured in two parts. The first part, “The Breakup” centers around coming to terms with the reality that the relationship is truly over, and the next part “The Breakover” focuses on coping with this new reality.

The Breakup

Every section has a Dear Greg section where people have wrote these questions and Greg answers them. One or more of these questions is bound to help you or at least be similar to the situation you are going through.

The chapters end with a workbook segment offering simple questionnaires, exercises and even recipes. A few out of the ordinary ones as well like the “Psycho Confessional”–in other words, mistakes that you want to avoid during your own breakup. Not forgetting, the really neat crossword puzzle, to make you feel better!

The Breakover

Wrap up

• Every section contains the best and worst news.

This was one of my favorite parts of the book. It features these things called Awesome Thoughts that actually make you feel better; like the first awesome thought is that annoying thing your ex did will never bother you again.


• I felt the authors were genuinely sympathetic about just how painful the loss of a relationship can be, yet at the same time, they provide an oft-necessary “kick in the pants” on the road to recovery.
• The book is based very much on their experiences as well as the experiences of the anonymous people they use for anecdotes throughout the book. Many of the tales are funny, some are sad, and others are plain ridiculous. Whatever you are going through, there is a story in the book that can come close. There is always something to relate to. (I am very much ashamed to admit that I saw myself in so many of the scenarios of this book.)

Is It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken For You?

Getting over a breakup is never easy. But there are good ways and bad ways to deal with it. I’ve experienced both!

Overall, this book is more geared towards women, all intended to provide the breakup victim with a much-needed self-esteem boost, include “Pretty Lady” and “Hot Stuff.” However, as Greg makes clear from his own story, either sex can be the one that gets dumped. Therefore, the authors encourage guys to read the book too! At least the bonus chapter “Dude, Get Off Her Lawn.” For men or women stuck in post-breakup purgatory, this book might be just what they need to set themselves free.

Good luck, I wish you all the best!