Just when you think you will be ok, something reminds you of your ex and instantly your inner voice will ramble one of the below or something similar!

I will just make a quick call to say hi
Just this once, I will meet him or her
There is no harm in sending one SMS.

Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex

1. Get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex

Toss out anything that even remotely reminds you of your ex. This includes things like photographs, old love letters and gifts your ex has given you. I have found this to be very difficult at first, but looking back at it now, I realize that it’s a necessary, step. Hanging on to even one thing can result in you still feeling attached to your ex, so it’s important to ensure that everything goes.

If you find this too hard to do, ask a close friend to help. It will be a bonding experience for both of you and it will help them to feel that they’ve really lent a helping hand in your time of need.

2. Don’t Google your ex!

When you are not with your ex, you are curious about what they are up to. Have you found someone new? Are you still thinking of me? the questions are endless. You are desperate to find the answers and you take the task to the internet. From Facebook to myspace, you want to take a peek at their lives and see how they’re doing. DON’T. Trying to find out details about your ex will only fuel your urge to call your ex. So, stay away!

3. Catch yourself making excuses to call your ex

In your mind you will find some sort of excuse to call your ex. Whether your house got burned or your cat ran away, don’t call your ex! Drama is not a reason to stir up a phone call to the ex. If you really feeling like you need to talk to someone, call a friend until the feeling passes.

4. Keep yourself occupied

When you are sitting still, your thoughts can play tricks on you. It is better to stay busy so you won’t think about your ex, and won’t have the urge to call your ex.
If there is a sport that you enjoy, make it a point to pencil that into your schedule. A set of tennis, swimming in the pool, or anything that takes your energy and your concentration will help keep your mind off of your misery and wanting to call your ex.
If you run out of things to do, here are ways to keep busy after a break up

5. Delete your ex’s phone number from your mobile!

Yes, yes, you have to! During my recent break up I deleted the phone number and then talked myself into being “mature” and added it right back after a couple days. Big mistake! It really does help when you can’t even see their name in your phonebook, for at least a few months!

6. Let go. The break up happened for a reason

Be realistic about what went wrong. Perhaps, the relationship wasn’t working as well as you wanted to believe and that it is actually for the best that it has ended. When you miss your ex, it’s extremely hard to focus on the “bitter truth”.
So here’s something you don’t want to hear,
It takes two people to make a relationship work and when one person wants out, obviously THAT person isn’t your soul mate.

You need to cut yourself off emotionally and physically (and psychologically!) from the relationship. The main way to do that is to stop talking to your ex. You have to stay in control, and resist the urge to call your ex.

May be your partner is not able to express the exact reasons for the break up. Maybe he does not know why the relationship can’t continue Or perhaps he simply doesn’t want to talk about it.. Whatever it is you know you won’t get the real answers from your ex.

This can make you lose all motivation to do anything but dwell on what went wrong. The plaguing questions of how and why it all went downhill, keeps you up at night. You are waiting for answers that never seem to come, and in the process waste wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn’t willing to give it.

Thousands of “if’s,” “possibly’s” and “maybes”

Why Did I Get Dumped

Maybe she would change her mind if I explain more?

Did he hear something that was not true?

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been. ~John Greenleaf Whittier

STOP… don’t over-analyze things
Yes, I know it’s hard, but constantly replaying conversations and trying to re-evaluate the “evidence” on why you were dumped will make you feel even worse.

Many break ups don’t have a specific cause so don’t obsess about what went wrong . This isn’t to say you shouldn’t reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship (but it’s not helpful to dwell on the whys and wherefores). Instead, focus on what went right . Even if you won’t have those good old times with that particular person, eventually your heart will heal and you’ll find new great moment with someone new.

Your partner has made the decision to end the relationship. He or she didn’t decide against you, it’s just that they simply decided to move on without you. They will never tell you the real reason why they left. Perhaps, His or her reason may have nothing to do with you!

YOU as a person, with intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling of not letting go just makes therapists rich!
Life offers humps and bumps along the road. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to be good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt.

I also had to listen through well meant (irritating nevertheless!) break up advice, from various individuals. The best advice I got was from my mum who told me repeatedly, “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you”.

Yes, it was painful to hear this harsh truth. But hearing it, day in day out, really did sink in, gradually… It made me wonder…, How can he treat me like this?

Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You

We all have a limited time on this planet earth, and when being dumped, that’s not something that comes to our radar. Why waste even ONE of those moments sitting home and crying about someone who doesn’t DESERVE you?

Many months have gone by since the day I was dumped and each day I feel a little better. But it’s the little things that keep bringing me back, tugging at the strings and reminding me… causing the pain. That’s when I use the affirmation, Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you.

It is honestly what’s helping me get over my ex. He doesn’t deserve my time. The people that TRULY love me are the ones who get my time. Think about those people who ARE THERE for you. If it’s meant to be it will be, but in the mean time, live your life with no regrets and spend it with people who matter.

When we find the one that turns our tears of sadness into tears of happiness, we will smile and be happy. Until then, its lessons learned, some pages burned and “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you” ! You and I will get through it, in the end.

Let us leave behind what we don't need to carry

A good year with dreams fulfilled?
The year, I met the love of my life?
A year I made the worst mistake of my life?
A year where every relationship turned sour?
A year that has gone by too quickly?

I’m sure most of you would agree with the last one at least!

Ok. So what about me? Well, I survived! I broke up with my better half in 2008, and this year was more of a “stabilization” stage for me. If you have gone through a nasty break up, you know how long the sting of a broken heart lasts; it has its way of ruining your future, even if your ex is not in it!

While, the relationship itself has not left any dangerous scars… it has certainly left me second guessing myself, and not letting even the nicest of guys, “in” to my life. I guess I am scared of being burned again. So, this year for me has been a year of fear….. of getting into a new relationship; a fear that things might end in the same fashion, as it did before.. with me heartbroken!

I look at my friends, family and their successful/fulfilling relationship, and wonder why an intelligent, young, funny, and sexy girl like me can’t seem to find that. Sometimes, it gets me teary eyed, it’s depressing!

But I know, that the first step to a successful and fulfilling relationship, is that I need to give a chance to someone. And that seems to be the problem! How can I trust someone with my heart again, when it was shredded into pieces not so long ago by someone I took a chance on; someone I truly cared for?

True, if I consider all the things that might go wrong in a relationship, I might never end up being in one! and that’s what I am trying to deal with in the coming year. I have began to understand (and engrave in my head!) that all misery is the result of either living in the past or worrying about the future. By worrying about the future, I am ruining a perfectly good present.

So, stay tuned to DumpedDays in 2010, where I WILL make an effort to give a special someone a chance… and hopefully, he will handle my heart with care!
Finally, this goes out to anyone who’s relationship has turned sour during the year; to anyone who’s finding it difficult to move on…. Remember..

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

One door closes behind; another opens ahead. Let us leave behind what we don’t need to carry. How you spend the rest of your life is up to you.

5 Lessons I've Learned From The Men Who Dumped Me!

Getting dumped Lesson #1- It takes two

After getting dumped, most of the time I felt inferior. Being dumped without my consent was a huge attack on my ego! There were certain guys who made me feel inadequate, unattractive and plain unlovable. If you label yourself with the negative feelings I just experienced, you sink deeper into the inferiority trap.
Although, there were times when I thought, “Something was wrong with me”. There were other times, that I projected all the guilt and blame on my ex. The fact is, if you were dumped, then your partner, were as much a part of the problem, as was you.

Getting dumped Lesson #2- Anger is natural; acting out of action is not!

We have to accept we are human, when someone lets us down or does the dirty, we will feel angry. When it comes to getting dumped we feel everything! I feel angry at him for breaking my heart, for stringing me along, and for betraying our very deep friendship as well as relationship. I feel angry that he lied to save face, rather than telling the truth so that I could move on sooner.… the list goes on.

Getting dumped Lesson #3- End unfulfilling relationships sooner!

Years later, it still boggles my mind when I think of the amount of time I spent in relationships well past their sell-by dates. Fear of loneliness, fear of hurting another’s feelings, naively thinking things would magically get better all kept me with guys who were oh-so-wrong for me.

Life is meant to be happy and joyful and every person deserves to feel that happiness and joy. Sometimes when you stay in a bad relationship for too long you lose that happiness and joy and attach yourself to a feeling that your life doesn’t deserve to have those positive feelings in it, but it does.

Getting dumped Lesson #4- Men need Space!

This one is a bit embarrassing to admit. I guess the more I get attached to someone the more time I like to spend with them. Finding the right balance is definitely challenging and certainly depends on each individual. With each relationship I’ve found out that good communications goes a long way.

Getting dumped Lesson #5 – Some things were not meant to be

Sometimes in spite of everything, it just doesn’t work out. When starting out in a relationship it’s easy and normal to think in terms of the future. He is the love of your life and a total dream. You may project a total perfect future with him as your mate. But, for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out. It may be circumstances, or fate, but trying harder may even make it worse. No one likes to lose, but sometimes taking responsibility and accepting a loss is the honorable and mature thing to do. Only then can you truly move on and learn from your losses.

Anyways, every dumping experience moved me closer to where I am today (in a good way!). Sadly, it took me time to realize this. As the saying goes, “If it doesn`t kill you, it will only make you stronger”. It certainly has for me. Looking back, I really thank all those men who set me free!

What about you? Do you have any lessons that you learned from getting dumped? Please leave comment below and let us know.

Getting Back With Your Ex

“Please don’t do this to me”

Ending a relationship that was once something wonderful between the two of you, is emotional destabilizing. It’s bad enough that you had to pile up the courage and initiate the break up. Hearing these words now, may spark that guilty feeling again.

“I can’t live without you”

I am a bit embarrassed to say that I said this myself to my ex several years ago! He insisted that we end the relationship but I was holding on to something I never had ( Of course, I didn’t have that sense and sensibility to realize that at that time!) I couldn’t imagine a life without him. I was convinced that I couldn’t live without him.

Here I am, several years later… still breathing!

I am living proof that your ex can live without you. It’s not pleasant, it’s not fun, but it’s also not fatal. The pain will never go away completely, but with time it will subside.

“I love you so much. Why can’t you see that?”

With this sentence the emotional tug of war begins. In most cases, you don’t break up because you are so in love with each other. You break up because one or both parties are unhappy.

“I’ll do anything.”

R i g h t! Now this one though, is surely unbelievable. How can someone do anything? Your ex should have done “anything” when the two of you were together, not NOW.

“I have changed”

Real change manifests itself with actions. If your ex has to use words to say this, then obviously it has not reflected in action.

“You ‘re making a big mistake”

Don’t let these words tempt you into getting back together. As time goes by you might forget exactly how bad it was.
My question to you is

Can you really believe that the one who hurt you most, won’t hurt you again?

If for some valid reason, you are getting back with your ex, make sure that it’s thoroughly thought through, and NOT a hasty decision. You don’t want to go through the same break up process with the same person again, now do you?

Regret After A Break Up

My “feel good” reply, “I am the queen of looking back and saying, “Gosh, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do.” I have so many regrets that they could fill the Grand Canyon!”

Then there’s always the harsh truth….
You may retrace everything you said,
Everything you did while you were in the relationship.
You may blame yourself for small things that happened, thinking that’s why the break up happened.

Irrespective of the reasons for breaking up a relationship or who initiated the breaking up, sometimes we all get caught up in the web of regret. Honestly, I think it’s natural to have feelings of regret after a break up (to a certain extent!); the challenging part is what you do with that regret!

Why Do You Regret Breaking Up?

Some break ups are thought out and occur over time; others are not. Whether a break up is based on a rash, unanticipated act or something that you have planned to do there are usually substantial and significant reasons for the act of breaking up to occur.

If you are the one that initiated the break up, assess your reasons. Did your ex cheat on you? Did they live a destructive lifestyle? Were they unwilling to work together for the good of the relationship? If so, the chances of your relationship thriving, would have been very slim.
If you cannot come to terms with your reasons, you are likely to always question your decision for breaking up.

Getting Past The Feelings Of Regret After A Break Up

In my life, yes, there have been a few occasions where I regretted my actions that caused the break up. I always told myself that the break up was for the best, but wondered how life would be different now, if I had stayed with another person.
We can all look back on things in our past with rose colored sunglasses. The bottom line is, there was a reason(s) why the two of you broke up.

There was a reason why your relationship did not work….
There was a reason why you made no contact

You need to move forwards with your life and leave the past in the past. The person you split with is not going to change; they are still in time going to be the same person that you broke with because you no longer wanted to be with them.

Over to you… have you experienced feelings of regret after a break up? In your opinion, what’s the best way to deal with it?

Break up Advice I hate

Break Up Advice #1: Time heals all wounds

This is probably the most common & overused break up advice of all time! I absolutely hate this word: TIME….

Now, you might think that I am being immature. Not at all.
I perfectly understand getting over someone is a long term process.
I realize that I will get over this eventually, and I need to hang in there and be positive.

Ok. So why don’t I want to hear “time heals everything” type of break up advice? Well, this sensible logic does not seek in when you have just broken up; when I am getting over someone, I don’t want to “wait” to feel good; what I want to know is “How can I feel better right NOW?”

Break Up Advice #2: You’re a real catch, you’ll be just fine.

While this may be true, what it actually does is make me feel like my feelings of loneliness and heartbreak are invalid; as if those feelings shouldn’t exist and that my pain is something to ignore.

Break Up Advice #3: You are better off without him/her

I guarantee that you will hear “you’re better off without ….” from everyone you know after the break up. I can’t believe that it has become casual conversation for some people. Here’s an actual life script from my past.

3 days after my break up I am at office with my brave face, pouring a cup of coffee near the Coffee maker. Along comes a colleague who I have spoken to about once or twice.
Colleague : Sorry to hear that you broke up with …
Me: silently force a fake smile
Colleague : Are you ok?
Me: I’m getting by I wanted to yell, NO!
Colleague : You know, I didn’t tell you this before but I never liked him, even when you guys were dating. You are better off without him.
Me: Hm.. try my best to keep calm and not lash out !

Break Up Advice #4: There are other fish in the sea

Of course there are other fish in the sea! It would border on the ridiculous to say or think otherwise. However, during a break up we tend to think along the lines of “you’re still the one for me”, “How do I get my Ex back” and looking beyond that, seems near impossible.

I would like to hear your thoughts and experiences on listening to such break up advice. Do you get the urge to strangle the person who says such things! Or is it a non-issue for you?