Often I start thinking about the smallest things that I may have done to upset him. I ask myself, “if this had not happened would we still be together?”.

I blame myself everyday with what I could have done better; what I could have done PERIOD. However, at the end of the day, there is this tiny little voice that rise above the negative self-talk. It gives me a very small satisfaction of knowing that I gave it my all and did what I could.

Sure, we all could have done things differently.

For me, the biggest thing I blame myself for is,…. I was expecting too much from him. It took me a while to understand that a relationship is formed not only through looking good, but the attitude, mental set-up and desire of individuals rather score heavily.

So what is it that you blame yourself for?
Do you really think you are to blame for the break up? Honestly?

Getting over blaming yourself for the break up

Well, I don’t know much about your story, but you should not shoulder all the blame yourself. It definitely takes two to make a relationship. Equally, it takes two to break one. Indeed, both of you share equally responsibility for why the relationship ended. ( I am assuming here that you haven’t done anything drastic like cheating etc)

Don’t take it to the other extreme where you start blaming yourself incessantly. The thoughts of “If only I did this instead” don’t really serve you well. Constantly wracking your mind for what you think you did wrong, is going to make you feel bad about yourself. It’s not healthy at all and can lead to depression and other what not!

Sadly, things don’t always work out the way they portray it in Hollywood movies. Sometimes, it’s possible that a break up can happen without it being anyone’s “fault.”; I guess sometimes, it take a while to realize that two people just aren’t compatible or rather it was not meant to be.

Good luck and I hope you find some peace.
Have you been in a position where you blamed yourself for the break up? Did you get past yourself blame? I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment and let me know.

“Really?”, me thinks.. My mind has already raced; I am picturing myself, back in the arms of my loving boyfriend!

So did it deliver on what it promises? Here’s my unbiased, honest review of Breakup Reversed program.

Breakup Reversed- What the program contains

1. Breakup Reversed Ebook
2. The Full Audio Version of the course
3. Instant Heartache Relief (BONUS)
4. Breakup Reversed Quick Reference Guide (BONUS)
5. Secrets to Saving Any Marriage (BONUS)
6. How To Keep The Fire Burning After You Make Up (BONUS)
7. FREE Counselling with Robert Parsons for 3 Months (BONUS)
You get Robert Parsons personal email address which makes it possible have one on one sessions with him, to sort out your specific issues. This way you can get to the root of the problems you are having. (For me, this was the most useful)

Guarantee / Terms: 60 Day money back guarantee if not satisfied with the product.

Breakup Reversed – What’s it all about

The book starts off by showing you how to get a relief from the emotional pain of a breakup. It drills into your brain that only after you start thinking straight, can you get any progress in your relationship!

It identifies several mistakes most people make during a break up, details why each and every one is destined to fail. It highlights that the usual methods of getting your ex back normally do more harm and drive your partner away.

It will help you learn how to trigger positive emotions in your partner which can make them look at you differently. I thought this section was important because sometimes we tend to take for granted that we actually know what makes others tick. However the truth is that we rarely know each other as well as we think we do.

Another useful thing for me was learning how to interact with your ex, talk to them and how to act the first them you see them after a break up!
Finally, it focuses on a plan to get your ex back, putting aside your emotional trauma.

As with any product, Breakup Reversed is aimed at getting you back into a relationship with your ex, but YOU need to do the work. Ultimately, all the suggestions in the program mean nothing if you simply learn from the information and don’t take action or just ignore it.

During my teenage years, after being dumped I thought, if I apologized for something I did, my partner will want to get back together. Sometimes, I apologized even if it wasn’t my fault. Sometimes, it worked! We got back together, but then eventually the relationship ended. I knew I should have “let go, the first time I got dumped!

As I got older (and wiser in late twenties!), I realized that I don’t have to be sorry or responsible for EVERYTHING, that led to a break up. Often, you tend to think you were dumped because of something YOU did. Keep in mind that this is not always the case. If you screwed up then it’s very likely that you would know what you did! You would most probably try to sort things between the two of you. But if out of the blue, your partner decides to dump you, then it could well be that there’s something else your partner is looking for.

However badly you might want to get back with your ex, if there’s

one thing you should never apologize for its telling the truth and being YOU.

Sometimes you might want to say certain things that are a bit uncomfortable for your partner hear. Remember, the truth will always remain true, and you are not accountable to apologize for saying such things.

If at all you feel the need to apologize, apologize for the pain; for saying these things might have caused. However, the actual act and reason should not be one of remorse. It’s no longer in your control once the truth is out how the other person will handle hearing that information.

Related Posts

• Regret Breaking up? Dealing With Feelings Of Regret After A Break Up
• Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat
• Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt
• Using Technology As A Way To Dump Someone and End a Relationship

For a long time I was wondering what my first post for this New Year should convey. I didn’t want to write about what most people talk of; goals and resolutions. As we begin another yet another year I am trying to get my life back on track after being dumped.

I feel like a shattered house after a hurricane; everything tangible is lost, debris everywhere and only the memories remain. The rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand the devastation and destruction these things have taken on your heart and, in some cases, your mind. When you feel like this, it’s near impossible to visualize about a nice house, you might one day have again.
That analogy sums up my life after break up. I mentioned in my previous post that I don’t really have much hope finding love again or whether I want to go through that pain all over again.

Building Walls Of Hope – Of Love And Relationships

When you lose hope of love, your world becomes darker. You lose the passion to keep moving forward in life. You give up on your dream which you hard earlier (when you were in a relationship). Gradually, it leads to the death of your soul. That could be you (that is me…!)

So, badly and desperately I need hope, hope of love. So with all my heart, I am trying to re-build the walls of hope and I tell myself,

One day you will see that it has all finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself… “How did I get through all of that?”

I hope that “one day”, is soon!

If you are also going through a similar stage in your life, I hope this post gave you some inspiration or motivation, to take one day at a time and build the walls of hope; hope of love and relationship that is yet to come. Over time these pieces of hope, will provide the foundation necessary to scale the wall of lost hope.

Side Note: I am taking a break on break up advice today and writing post which is a rambling about me. I thought it might be a good way to end this year!

A few years ago I was in love with someone, who not only broke my heart, but also broke my essence! It took everything in me, even just to have a shred of thought of getting over him. I never thought I’d see the day, but eventually, I did move on after getting dumped. While I am all “patched up” and happy that I have gotten to this stage in my life (where I don’t at all think about him in any way!), the experience I had has left several scars in me. Sadly, I think it affects my current moment, as well as the future!

Wasted precious years of my life!

This is one of the things I regret most about my life. I just turned 30 this month, and looking back I feel I wasted years of my life wallowing on someone who did not want me! At the time, I was naive to realize that I shouldn’t cry over someone who won’t cry over me. But then, better late than never huh?

Lack of Self Confidence

For a long time after being dumped, I kept asking myself, “why wasn’t I good enough for him”, why couldn’t I make him happy etc. Later, I realized that I should not tie up my sense of self with another person’s estimate of my physical attractiveness. But this is easier said than done. Even now, when I find myself faced with rejection by a casual date, I can’t help but wonder…

Issues trusting people

My ex usually said one thing, meant another and did something entirely different. I was blinded by love to see what was happening. So I still have issues trusting people; knowing whether “this is actually what it is”. Does that make sense?

Lost hope of “happily ever after”

I was a girl that was waiting for Prince Charming to come in and sweep me off my feet. I thought it happened and I was holding on to that dream without letting go. Being dumped taught me to think more rationally. I remind myself that when it comes to matters of the heart, not to rely on the idea that happily ever after exists. I don’t know whether this is good or bad, or whether I am being overly negative due to the things that I have gone through.

Looking for someone who is very “similar” to my ex

Yes, I am single. But it’s not because I don’t want to be in a relationship. I tried to throw myself back out into the dating pool. However, I find myself comparing the men I would date to my ex. There were some qualities in my ex that I liked; it is probably for those reasons that I fell in love with him in the first place! Having had “that” once, I don’t want to “settle for less”.

Have become “feelingless”

I get the feeling that I am unconsciously avoiding being in a relationship, mainly because I felt like SH** when he dumped me , I don’t want to go through that again. I know I am being pessimistic here and not every relationship is doomed. But nevertheless, I tend to not want to care for someone as much as I did before. Does that make me “feelingless” ?

At the moment, I don’t know how I plan to sort these issues out. I will do some reading on these topics, try to apply them to my life, wise-up and promise to post what I learn in Dumped Days. Stay tuned!

Related Posts

• 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up
• Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End
• Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex : 6 Effective Ways To Help You Stay Off The Phone!
• It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken (Book Review)
• Getting Dumped: 6 Break Up Lines I am Tired Of Hearing

1. Accepting your break up for what it is

Going through a break up can be extremely difficult especially during Christmas holidays, and if your partner ended the relationship before you wanted it to be over, it’s even more hurtful. Perhaps, you were even planning a Christmas with him or her. Suddenly you find it very difficult to let go of all the expectations you had for the future for the two of you, as a couple.

For more elaborate details on this read one of my previous posts After Being Dumped Force Yourself To Accept It.

2. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

Yes, it may be easier to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling the entire day and eat only ice cream until you run out of it. Indeed, it is part of the process in surviving being dumped, but don’t let this prolong for days. You need to cry, feel sorry for yourself, feel the pain and be sad, but not every day!

So make an effort to get out of the bed, shower, and figure out how you want to spend the Christmas holidays. During Christmas there are many opportunities for you to volunteer for certain things; serving food at a homeless shelter, participating in a Christmas choir etc. You will feel good that you are doing some good for someone else. Sometimes, you problems seem like nothing when you see the suffering other people go through.

3. Surround yourself with family and friends

You should not spend too much time alone over the Christmas holidays. I understand that coping with grief is an individual process and you want to be alone as you deal with your loss but I just hope you spend some time with others.

4. Establish new Christmas traditions

May be there were a “ritual” of things that you did with your former partner during the Christmas holidays. As each day pass by you might reminisce about such times and feel really sad.
Start some new tradition of your own and include other family member if they are around.

5. Make a clean break

Cut all contact with your ex during the Christmas holidays. Don’t call, don’t meet for coffee or visit each other!
This is the thing I found the most hardest of all. All I can say is try to Forget Your Ex When EVERYTHING Around Reminds You Of Your Ex, and Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex.

Related Posts

• I Just Got Dumped: Surviving The First Day After A Break Up
• 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up
• Why Are You Still Single? Replies Single People Can Give To Ease Yourself Out Of Such Nosy Questions
• Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

Just when you think you will be ok, something reminds you of your ex and instantly your inner voice will ramble one of the below or something similar!

I will just make a quick call to say hi
Just this once, I will meet him or her
There is no harm in sending one SMS.

Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex

1. Get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex

Toss out anything that even remotely reminds you of your ex. This includes things like photographs, old love letters and gifts your ex has given you. I have found this to be very difficult at first, but looking back at it now, I realize that it’s a necessary, step. Hanging on to even one thing can result in you still feeling attached to your ex, so it’s important to ensure that everything goes.

If you find this too hard to do, ask a close friend to help. It will be a bonding experience for both of you and it will help them to feel that they’ve really lent a helping hand in your time of need.

2. Don’t Google your ex!

When you are not with your ex, you are curious about what they are up to. Have you found someone new? Are you still thinking of me? the questions are endless. You are desperate to find the answers and you take the task to the internet. From Facebook to myspace, you want to take a peek at their lives and see how they’re doing. DON’T. Trying to find out details about your ex will only fuel your urge to call your ex. So, stay away!

3. Catch yourself making excuses to call your ex

In your mind you will find some sort of excuse to call your ex. Whether your house got burned or your cat ran away, don’t call your ex! Drama is not a reason to stir up a phone call to the ex. If you really feeling like you need to talk to someone, call a friend until the feeling passes.

4. Keep yourself occupied

When you are sitting still, your thoughts can play tricks on you. It is better to stay busy so you won’t think about your ex, and won’t have the urge to call your ex.
If there is a sport that you enjoy, make it a point to pencil that into your schedule. A set of tennis, swimming in the pool, or anything that takes your energy and your concentration will help keep your mind off of your misery and wanting to call your ex.
If you run out of things to do, here are ways to keep busy after a break up

5. Delete your ex’s phone number from your mobile!

Yes, yes, you have to! During my recent break up I deleted the phone number and then talked myself into being “mature” and added it right back after a couple days. Big mistake! It really does help when you can’t even see their name in your phonebook, for at least a few months!

6. Let go. The break up happened for a reason

Be realistic about what went wrong. Perhaps, the relationship wasn’t working as well as you wanted to believe and that it is actually for the best that it has ended. When you miss your ex, it’s extremely hard to focus on the “bitter truth”.
So here’s something you don’t want to hear,
It takes two people to make a relationship work and when one person wants out, obviously THAT person isn’t your soul mate.

You need to cut yourself off emotionally and physically (and psychologically!) from the relationship. The main way to do that is to stop talking to your ex. You have to stay in control, and resist the urge to call your ex.

May be your partner is not able to express the exact reasons for the break up. Maybe he does not know why the relationship can’t continue Or perhaps he simply doesn’t want to talk about it.. Whatever it is you know you won’t get the real answers from your ex.

This can make you lose all motivation to do anything but dwell on what went wrong. The plaguing questions of how and why it all went downhill, keeps you up at night. You are waiting for answers that never seem to come, and in the process waste wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn’t willing to give it.

Thousands of “if’s,” “possibly’s” and “maybes”

Why Did I Get Dumped

Maybe she would change her mind if I explain more?

Did he hear something that was not true?

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been. ~John Greenleaf Whittier

STOP… don’t over-analyze things
Yes, I know it’s hard, but constantly replaying conversations and trying to re-evaluate the “evidence” on why you were dumped will make you feel even worse.

Many break ups don’t have a specific cause so don’t obsess about what went wrong . This isn’t to say you shouldn’t reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship (but it’s not helpful to dwell on the whys and wherefores). Instead, focus on what went right . Even if you won’t have those good old times with that particular person, eventually your heart will heal and you’ll find new great moment with someone new.

Your partner has made the decision to end the relationship. He or she didn’t decide against you, it’s just that they simply decided to move on without you. They will never tell you the real reason why they left. Perhaps, His or her reason may have nothing to do with you!

YOU as a person, with intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling of not letting go just makes therapists rich!
Life offers humps and bumps along the road. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to be good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt.

I also had to listen through well meant (irritating nevertheless!) break up advice, from various individuals. The best advice I got was from my mum who told me repeatedly, “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you”.

Yes, it was painful to hear this harsh truth. But hearing it, day in day out, really did sink in, gradually… It made me wonder…, How can he treat me like this?

Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You

We all have a limited time on this planet earth, and when being dumped, that’s not something that comes to our radar. Why waste even ONE of those moments sitting home and crying about someone who doesn’t DESERVE you?

Many months have gone by since the day I was dumped and each day I feel a little better. But it’s the little things that keep bringing me back, tugging at the strings and reminding me… causing the pain. That’s when I use the affirmation, Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you.

It is honestly what’s helping me get over my ex. He doesn’t deserve my time. The people that TRULY love me are the ones who get my time. Think about those people who ARE THERE for you. If it’s meant to be it will be, but in the mean time, live your life with no regrets and spend it with people who matter.

When we find the one that turns our tears of sadness into tears of happiness, we will smile and be happy. Until then, its lessons learned, some pages burned and “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you” ! You and I will get through it, in the end.

Let us leave behind what we don't need to carry

A good year with dreams fulfilled?
The year, I met the love of my life?
A year I made the worst mistake of my life?
A year where every relationship turned sour?
A year that has gone by too quickly?

I’m sure most of you would agree with the last one at least!

Ok. So what about me? Well, I survived! I broke up with my better half in 2008, and this year was more of a “stabilization” stage for me. If you have gone through a nasty break up, you know how long the sting of a broken heart lasts; it has its way of ruining your future, even if your ex is not in it!

While, the relationship itself has not left any dangerous scars… it has certainly left me second guessing myself, and not letting even the nicest of guys, “in” to my life. I guess I am scared of being burned again. So, this year for me has been a year of fear….. of getting into a new relationship; a fear that things might end in the same fashion, as it did before.. with me heartbroken!

I look at my friends, family and their successful/fulfilling relationship, and wonder why an intelligent, young, funny, and sexy girl like me can’t seem to find that. Sometimes, it gets me teary eyed, it’s depressing!

But I know, that the first step to a successful and fulfilling relationship, is that I need to give a chance to someone. And that seems to be the problem! How can I trust someone with my heart again, when it was shredded into pieces not so long ago by someone I took a chance on; someone I truly cared for?

True, if I consider all the things that might go wrong in a relationship, I might never end up being in one! and that’s what I am trying to deal with in the coming year. I have began to understand (and engrave in my head!) that all misery is the result of either living in the past or worrying about the future. By worrying about the future, I am ruining a perfectly good present.

So, stay tuned to DumpedDays in 2010, where I WILL make an effort to give a special someone a chance… and hopefully, he will handle my heart with care!
Finally, this goes out to anyone who’s relationship has turned sour during the year; to anyone who’s finding it difficult to move on…. Remember..

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

One door closes behind; another opens ahead. Let us leave behind what we don’t need to carry. How you spend the rest of your life is up to you.