I Just Got Dumped: Surviving The First Day After A Break Up

October 21, 2009 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Break up recovery

just got dumped: Surviving the first day after a break upThe moment you just got dumped… Most of us have been there. Some of us are there and many of us might be there in the future….

When the person you are in love with suddenly leaves you, surviving a break up can seem almost impossible at times. This is especially true, on the first day after a break up. You feel your whole identity is shattered, and that you will never recover from the pain. You stare hopelessly, wishing there was something that would numb this pain of getting dumped. Ending a relationship is among the most stressful things a person can undergo.

First day after a break up: Spend time working, with friends, family or alone?

Most advice columns will tell you that you should not spend the first day after a break up alone. If you have work, go into work; if you do not have work, then make plans with a friend or family member.

Here’s what I say….
There are some who really like to keep to themselves. I am one such person. I prefer to be inside the walls of my home, rather than putting on a happy face and spending time with others. The main reason is that sometimes, friends and family try “too much” to cheer me up. I know they all mean well though….

So bottom line is you must choose to spend the day in a way that is most comfortable to you.

While I agree that you shouldn’t be alone the whole day, I feel it’s ok to have some time for yourself.

But keep in mind that if you spend this first day alone, you might be tempted to call your ex, or you may spend the day wallowing in grief. Isolating yourself and looking to escape reality through alcohol or other means is the wrong way to survive.

First day after a break up: Resisting the urge to call him/her

The downside of staying alone on the first day after a break up is that may be tempted to call your ex. This in my book is a BIG NO. Don’t call him/her and expect them to comfort you. Don’t call at all! Chances are you’ll be even more upset at how indifferent s/he seems to the situation.

Remind yourself that s/he dumped you. S/he didn’t want to do anything with you. And No, they probably wouldn’t have changed their mind in 24 hours.

First day after a break up: Silence the inner critic

regret breaking upYou know that questioning, nagging little voice inside you.. the one that is never at a loss to point out your flaws, highlight your doubts and cross-examine you on your decisions? That’s the inner critic.

For me this is the most difficult part. I remind myself that the most important tool that I have at my disposal is my mindset. I have found that the more I analyze things the more upset I get.

First day after a break up: Re-direct the toxic & hateful energy

Spending some time in the gym, or go for a run, swim ….. do something physically exerting. It will keep you fit and focused. It will take your mind off of anything (almost!) and in the end, you will look great.

First day after a break up: Do something nice for yourself

Get a haircut, buy something you’ve been eying, indulge in a nice meal or all three. Be careful not to go to places that remind you of your ex. For example, if you go out to a nice meal, don’t go to the site of your first date!

First day after a break up: What you should never forget

Although things may look bleak and miserable in the immediate aftermath of the break up, the hurt and pain do dissipate gradually, eventually. It will…

Can you recall the first day you got dumped? How did you survive the first day after the break up? What helped you the most? Leave a comment below and share with us.

dumped breakup reversed

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59 Responses to “I Just Got Dumped: Surviving The First Day After A Break Up”
  1. emma says:

    After 8 months my bf dumped me said his feelings had changed its been 5 days and I’m still hurting he said he loves being around me but just as friends which hurt I asked him if his feelings would change and he said no Im not eating and crying and wish I could fast forwarda couple months and not feel this pain even when I do start to feel better I don’t think Ican be friends with him it wouldn’t feel right I did say I would need time and best you don’t text me but one day ago I had to text him I had to say how I was feeling all I wanted was him to read it and not text back which he didn’t I no I need to move on I want to be happy again

  2. tina says:

    My situation is unique but a breakup is a breakup and pain is pain. I’m an older lady, unhappily married and recently started seeing an old boy friend from 40 years ago. I loved him madly then and still do. We saw each other for six months; once a month. On Valentine’s Day weekend, we met in NYC for a show. Something had changed, his texts and demeanor were short no longer filled with excitement for me. Contact stopped and I didn’t know what happened. When he finally decided to respond to my texts of concern, he stated he decidded not to respond because he couldn’t handle it. He did not want to talk to me live and that was it. I can barely breathe and being 657 miles away it is ok for him to treat me shamefully. I hurt to my soul and know this will pass in time but until then I am completely empty, completely hallow, completely immersed in pain.

  3. n2luvnme-again says:

    Well…I found this page because I was searching for a distraction on what I NOW know is day three of my breakup after 5 months. Honestly, the signs were there…he had keys to my place but wouldn’t give me keys to his, his phone was full of ex phone numbers, casual sex partners and even the number to a sex party place. He said he loved me, spent sever days and nights a week with me but when we weren’t together things never felt right. I’d go over to his place and find unused condoms on the coffee table or the kitchen counter; even the bag he kept his condoms in would be moved around in the bedroom. He had one ex who was a cop cheating on his wife with men that stayed in the picture. He even told me he couldn’t say he wouldn’t sleep with the guy again ever in life but then wanted me to double date with the cop and his BOYFRIEND. Somehow he had fooled himself into believing the cop’s wife was his friend despite the fact she had no idea he was sleeping with her husband…I put food in his house, money in his pocket, washed his laundry, picked him up from work, paid for dinners, etc. All trying to support him during his slow season @ Nordstrom’s only to have him not return any of what I sacrificed. The irony is he told he about his whorish past and years of not being in a relationship and how he had bailed on his girlfriend after dangling marriage in front of her for 8 yrs then the multiple guys who he attempted to date but would run from after leading them on as well…I somehow believed he wanted to be different this time…maybe it was because he said he did and I had no reason to doubt him…I know my worth and I’m sure I’m ready for love…Just not ready for the lamenting of liking, loving and losing to find the final, forever love.

  4. LolaLovee says:

    I just got broken up with today. It has been so difficult, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel. My ex and I have been breaking up with each other for the past 2 weeks, off and on, it’s been confusing and painful each time. We both kept coming back to each other, and then realizing we needed space from each other. Today, we had a talk. He told me that he needed space and time from me because I was stressing him out, which I understood and knew already. He also told me that I needed to work on myself, because there were bigger issues I needed to tend to other than this relationship, which I understood and also already knew. So, on the one hand, my heart feels like it’s in my chest and my eyes water up randomly, just thinking about him with someone else, or him not sleeping with me every night. But then again.. I cant help but think this wont be the end of it. Because it never really is. I’m so confused. Although writing about this is very relieving. I don’t want to talk to family and friends because I know they’re already so tired of these issues. But thanks for the advice, and for letting me vent out to strangers on the internet. :)

  5. Reed says:

    I got broken up with on Sunday over the phone. It was sudden, since he had said earlier that day that he couldn’t wait to see me and hold me.

    I have been dumped before but this may be the worst one. We were together for a year and a half, never had major fights, always so kind and loving to one another.

    I don’t know what happened. He said he was not in love with me, and that I was not fulfilling him. He emailed me today to ask if we can say our final goodbyes next week. Its going to be excruciating pain to see him, but I need the closure.

    Being around friends and family, also talking to anyone who will listen about my feelings has been the only thing keeping me going.

    More that anything, I just miss him.

  6. broken says:

    my boyfriend called me 2 weeks ago and he asked me out. I was pretty sure he was joking because he’s known for that but he convinced me that he wasn’t. So yeah we’ve been dating for 2 weeks and we never talk to eachother when we see eachother in the halls, no1 can get us to talk to eachother and he fucking pretends he loses his phone everyday so he doesn’t have to text me. i know what ur thinking, “hes such a jerk”, ik he is but i saw something special in him! seriously i thought we could make things better and it would all work out. okay so today i was buying gum with my friend after school, and he comes into the row im in with 3 of his friends and holds my hand and says “i think we need to break up” i was so hurt but i didn’t want to make a big deal out of it so i just said okay and walked again. he followed me around the store for 30 mins w his other friends and since i kept hiding from him he hid outside the store until i came out. I thought he was gone so i walked outside and there he is again with 20 of his friends, boys and girls, and does THE SAME FUCKING THING AGAIN, holds my hand and says “i think we need to break up” i could not believe that asshole, he had to do it again in front of ALL OF HIS FRIENDS!! so i said “we all ready broke up loser” and walked away, as i was walking away he screamed “it was a bet, i dated u for 2 weeks and i won.” i wanted to walk back and slap him. why did i fall for this son of a bitch omg. i went to my friends house after and pretended to know it was a bet all along. i didnt. i tried to feel better by making plans but now im home alone again and i feel like shit. freaking shit. i fell for this fucking idiot. and i hate myself for it.

  7. Tracey says:

    I allowed an emotionally abusive man walk all over me and rip apart my self – esteem and self-worth.
    You would think that it was a blessing for me after this break – up.
    I was so dumb when I thought he wanted to work on things – Iet him back in only to have him do the same crap he did in our relationship.
    My low sense of self – believes I need his love. That’s what abuse does to a woman.
    My head spins most of the time – and I feel utterly depressed. When we spilt I drank a lot. Bad idea. I spiralled into a deep depression. So now I am dealing with not drinking and going through the feelings, while trying to rebuild my life.
    Second abusive BF – I don’t think I really healed from the first one before I got involved with someone worse. However this second one I really loved despite how terrible he made me feel. I only saw the good.
    He was a lot of things I am not. However I would never treat anyone the way he treated me. Really trying hard to believe I deserve better. Succumbing to binge drinking has only prolonged the pain.

    It has been a healthy week of taking care of myself – not drinking – crying – going to group support for drinking – acupuncture – was open at my job that I was struggling.

    The battle to choose better right now in all my decisions is a daily chore.

    Let the healing begin.

  8. Marian says:

    I just got broken up with two days ago and it is so hard because everything reminds me of him. It was also confusing because it didn’t like he wanted to break up with me but he had to. He even cried and looked the saddest I’d ever seen him. All the reasons he said why we had to end it made sense, but it sounded like reasons for now and not the future. But I can’t just wait around. It’s hard to get through the first week, not just the first day! I don’t know if it makes it better or worse to know he feels sad about the whole thing too.

  9. Breaking up with someone is one of the hardest things to experience; resisting the urge not to call them is incredibly difficult!

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