I Just Got Dumped: Surviving The First Day After A Break Up

October 21, 2009 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Break up recovery

just got dumped: Surviving the first day after a break upThe moment you just got dumped… Most of us have been there. Some of us are there and many of us might be there in the future….

When the person you are in love with suddenly leaves you, surviving a break up can seem almost impossible at times. This is especially true, on the first day after a break up. You feel your whole identity is shattered, and that you will never recover from the pain. You stare hopelessly, wishing there was something that would numb this pain of getting dumped. Ending a relationship is among the most stressful things a person can undergo.

First day after a break up: Spend time working, with friends, family or alone?

Most advice columns will tell you that you should not spend the first day after a break up alone. If you have work, go into work; if you do not have work, then make plans with a friend or family member.

Here’s what I say….
There are some who really like to keep to themselves. I am one such person. I prefer to be inside the walls of my home, rather than putting on a happy face and spending time with others. The main reason is that sometimes, friends and family try “too much” to cheer me up. I know they all mean well though….

So bottom line is you must choose to spend the day in a way that is most comfortable to you.

While I agree that you shouldn’t be alone the whole day, I feel it’s ok to have some time for yourself.

But keep in mind that if you spend this first day alone, you might be tempted to call your ex, or you may spend the day wallowing in grief. Isolating yourself and looking to escape reality through alcohol or other means is the wrong way to survive.

First day after a break up: Resisting the urge to call him/her

The downside of staying alone on the first day after a break up is that may be tempted to call your ex. This in my book is a BIG NO. Don’t call him/her and expect them to comfort you. Don’t call at all! Chances are you’ll be even more upset at how indifferent s/he seems to the situation.

Remind yourself that s/he dumped you. S/he didn’t want to do anything with you. And No, they probably wouldn’t have changed their mind in 24 hours.

First day after a break up: Silence the inner critic

regret breaking upYou know that questioning, nagging little voice inside you.. the one that is never at a loss to point out your flaws, highlight your doubts and cross-examine you on your decisions? That’s the inner critic.

For me this is the most difficult part. I remind myself that the most important tool that I have at my disposal is my mindset. I have found that the more I analyze things the more upset I get.

First day after a break up: Re-direct the toxic & hateful energy

Spending some time in the gym, or go for a run, swim ….. do something physically exerting. It will keep you fit and focused. It will take your mind off of anything (almost!) and in the end, you will look great.

First day after a break up: Do something nice for yourself

Get a haircut, buy something you’ve been eying, indulge in a nice meal or all three. Be careful not to go to places that remind you of your ex. For example, if you go out to a nice meal, don’t go to the site of your first date!

First day after a break up: What you should never forget

Although things may look bleak and miserable in the immediate aftermath of the break up, the hurt and pain do dissipate gradually, eventually. It will…

Can you recall the first day you got dumped? How did you survive the first day after the break up? What helped you the most? Leave a comment below and share with us.

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59 Responses to “I Just Got Dumped: Surviving The First Day After A Break Up”
  1. Tracey says:

    I allowed an emotionally abusive man walk all over me and rip apart my self – esteem and self-worth.
    You would think that it was a blessing for me after this break – up.
    I was so dumb when I thought he wanted to work on things – Iet him back in only to have him do the same crap he did in our relationship.
    My low sense of self – believes I need his love. That’s what abuse does to a woman.
    My head spins most of the time – and I feel utterly depressed. When we spilt I drank a lot. Bad idea. I spiralled into a deep depression. So now I am dealing with not drinking and going through the feelings, while trying to rebuild my life.
    Second abusive BF – I don’t think I really healed from the first one before I got involved with someone worse. However this second one I really loved despite how terrible he made me feel. I only saw the good.
    He was a lot of things I am not. However I would never treat anyone the way he treated me. Really trying hard to believe I deserve better. Succumbing to binge drinking has only prolonged the pain.

    It has been a healthy week of taking care of myself – not drinking – crying – going to group support for drinking – acupuncture – was open at my job that I was struggling.

    The battle to choose better right now in all my decisions is a daily chore.

    Let the healing begin.

  2. Marian says:

    I just got broken up with two days ago and it is so hard because everything reminds me of him. It was also confusing because it didn’t like he wanted to break up with me but he had to. He even cried and looked the saddest I’d ever seen him. All the reasons he said why we had to end it made sense, but it sounded like reasons for now and not the future. But I can’t just wait around. It’s hard to get through the first week, not just the first day! I don’t know if it makes it better or worse to know he feels sad about the whole thing too.

  3. Breaking up with someone is one of the hardest things to experience; resisting the urge not to call them is incredibly difficult!


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