I Just Got Dumped: Surviving The First Day After A Break Up
October 21, 2009 by Persha Davis
Filed under Break up recovery
The moment you just got dumped… Most of us have been there. Some of us are there and many of us might be there in the future….
When the person you are in love with suddenly leaves you, surviving a break up can seem almost impossible at times. This is especially true, on the first day after a break up. You feel your whole identity is shattered, and that you will never recover from the pain. You stare hopelessly, wishing there was something that would numb this pain of getting dumped. Ending a relationship is among the most stressful things a person can undergo.
First day after a break up: Spend time working, with friends, family or alone?
Most advice columns will tell you that you should not spend the first day after a break up alone. If you have work, go into work; if you do not have work, then make plans with a friend or family member.
Here’s what I say….
There are some who really like to keep to themselves. I am one such person. I prefer to be inside the walls of my home, rather than putting on a happy face and spending time with others. The main reason is that sometimes, friends and family try “too much” to cheer me up. I know they all mean well though….
So bottom line is you must choose to spend the day in a way that is most comfortable to you.
While I agree that you shouldn’t be alone the whole day, I feel it’s ok to have some time for yourself.
But keep in mind that if you spend this first day alone, you might be tempted to call your ex, or you may spend the day wallowing in grief. Isolating yourself and looking to escape reality through alcohol or other means is the wrong way to survive.
First day after a break up: Resisting the urge to call him/her
The downside of staying alone on the first day after a break up is that may be tempted to call your ex. This in my book is a BIG NO. Don’t call him/her and expect them to comfort you. Don’t call at all! Chances are you’ll be even more upset at how indifferent s/he seems to the situation.
Remind yourself that s/he dumped you. S/he didn’t want to do anything with you. And No, they probably wouldn’t have changed their mind in 24 hours.
First day after a break up: Silence the inner critic
You know that questioning, nagging little voice inside you.. the one that is never at a loss to point out your flaws, highlight your doubts and cross-examine you on your decisions? That’s the inner critic.
For me this is the most difficult part. I remind myself that the most important tool that I have at my disposal is my mindset. I have found that the more I analyze things the more upset I get.
First day after a break up: Re-direct the toxic & hateful energy
Spending some time in the gym, or go for a run, swim ….. do something physically exerting. It will keep you fit and focused. It will take your mind off of anything (almost!) and in the end, you will look great.
First day after a break up: Do something nice for yourself
Get a haircut, buy something you’ve been eying, indulge in a nice meal or all three. Be careful not to go to places that remind you of your ex. For example, if you go out to a nice meal, don’t go to the site of your first date!
First day after a break up: What you should never forget
Although things may look bleak and miserable in the immediate aftermath of the break up, the hurt and pain do dissipate gradually, eventually. It will…
Can you recall the first day you got dumped? How did you survive the first day after the break up? What helped you the most? Leave a comment below and share with us.
recently i got dumped by my bf.. after 42 hours i called him.. n the way he insulted me was alarming. i never thought he would react in this manner.. (yelling out in front of his friends, strangers, abusing)
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It broke my heart when i split with the mrs… we were apart for 2 onths and it was the worse days of my life, now were back together and not much has changed lol
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I got dumped last night, after 9 years. Totaly out of the blue for me, and it felt like the worst sucker-punch to the chest imaginable. Said she needed time to herself. we were to be married.
Everything the internet tells me I should do looks right but feels wrong.
The feeling of wrongness almost overpowers the fact that I am so sad and shocked that I got physicaly ill. I post it here so that I can postpone talking to friends or family, because that would only make it more real.
it’s already one week after being dumped. still crying. still love mi. still felt that he’s my whole world. but after reading few articles here, felt better.
everyday felt like the first day of break up till now. he just want a break up because he simply cant clique with mi. but during the realtionship i felt perfect. i felt that i being cherished and loved. But a sudden break up is so overwhelming as it is so unexpected. during this relationship, he is my motivation, my life my future. but all of a sudden its gone. so i guess anyone can tell how terrible i felt.
how i survived. i dont know. but articles here made mi felt a lot better. thanks!
Just recently got dumped via e-mail (!!) after a 3-years (!!) of a wonderful relationship. Hard to believe? Reason: the guy wants to have kids at some point and I can’t anymore. Respectable reason? Perhaps. Right way to break up? Don’t think so, it hurt like hell, though I am glad that I can read and re-read all the good words he was able to say about me and what I brought into his life. Awful: that he is refusing to meet with me. My guess: it is painful for him as well. The way I handle it: as soon as I got the message, I talked to my close friends and to my kids. Got lots of support and their time while I was crying on their shoulders. Then I went dancing that night. And since then I am making sure to go out dancing, be with friends, attend parties, work and just be with people around. Taking more of dance lessons (latin and ballroom) and just dance away any time I can. Went to an art museum and the restaurant I love. So, doing things I love with people I like or love. No other way. Love yourself and treat yourself nicely. After the initial shock, devastation and disbelieve thank for what you have got: family, friends, your health, work. Yes, it is nice to be able to go to work and not to stay at home by yourself crying. Go for a walk with your co-workers during lunch break. Smile to the sun!
i just got dumped and it ws all so sudden, i fill like my whole world has collapsed and i dont know how to deal with it
I just go broken up with tonight and it is miserable. I feel like I have no one to talk to and don’t know what to do.i actually cared so much for someone and lived with him for five mines spent everyday togeather and we have a big fight, which yes I was dramatic and wanted to fight — he the. Left and the. I took my things or most of my things back to my place and then the following night he came over with my suitcases and all my shoes in a trash bag and ended it with me.said he can’t handle this anymore, all we have been doing is fighting –which is not true. So I’m just shocked . I don’t know what to do. He said he never loved me ect and then drove off. So confused becasuse the whole time we have been togeather is was happy and good but all he says is he had to do it and it would have only got worse blah blah. I don’t even know. I can’t sleep or do anything:/
she broke up with me after three years by getting her husband i didn’t know she had to call me and tell me she was married and to leave her alone. at 3 a.m. looking back, it explains a lot. just beyond devastated.
Hi
I recently had a breakup with my GF . I still dnt why she did it , after two year in relation she just start saying that u r not caring me i didnt know what to do i tried so hard to got her back she made her mind permanently.finally we had a very harsh breakup i heart a lot bt she didnt . after one month i still go some place alone where we spent some beautiful tym .. bt she is enjoying her lyf wd his new bf .. … she was very bad girl i ever met ….
Well i got broken up with after 5 months, she was always saying she didnt know if it was enough, though i was perfect and i helped her through a lotof emtional stuff. she recently met an ex and decided that leading me on wasnt right, so shes off to meet him tonight after dumping me yesterday, i love her and i know she doesnt want to hurt me, i know i did everything right and that im an attractive, clever, senstive, caring fantastic person, but how im goign to get through tonight knowing where she is, is going to kill me. i dont deserve this pain.
that sunday afternoon he dumped i told myself woow,smiled n mingled myself with my friends
It is the second time I got dumped by the same person. Last year was unberable. Couldnt sleep, eat, constantly vomiting. This time I am stronger. It still hurts that I believed he would change. I feel stupid and regret my decision of taking him back. I hope this first month passes fast and I can start living again after 2 years of lies.
I got dumped last night after almost 13 months. He was my first love, my first kiss, he was even the one I chose to loose my virginity to. I went to work today but found I had to leave early because I just couldn’t fight back the tears. My mum found out we’d broken up after I got home from school and that has to have been the first time I’ve cried to my mum in at least 7 years. When I was with him I felt alive, completely comfortable. He knew me better then anyone else, we clicked. I honestly felt like life couldnt get any better. This was a huge thing for me, when I met him I had just come out of a horrible relationship with someone who abused me. I didn’t connect with my parents and I was suicidal. He helped me through all that. He showed me that life had joys and that even though there’s a dark storm there is always a beautiful rainbow following behind. He was my rainbow.
Now it’s over I feel like theres no reason to smile. I find myself short of breath and crying all the time. Everything reminds me of him.
I don’t know what to do with all his stuff. The bracelet he got me with our names engraved on it, the ring, the teddys, all the pictures of us, his underwear in my draw, the love letters and the messages.
I feel empty and numb. I know I should get rid of them but I can’t bring myself to do it but looking at them makes me cry.
It’s gotten to the point that I cry so much I physically make myself I’ll. I find myself starting out of windows and lost in my own world. When I talk about it I start to shake and then vomit. This is honestly the worst feeling.
We dated for a year and a week. I was forced by my parents to break up with him or get kicked out of the house. Reason?he spoke out of line and unintentionally insulted my parents. Im eighteen and i feel like i should be able to make my own decisions. Unfortunately it was lose college or lose him. I loved him with all my heart and soul. I gave him my first kiss…my virginity my heart. I loved him. He was never abusive. We fought sometimes but we got over it within a day.. but what really hurts is not only did we have to break up because of my parents..he messesged me saying ” i love you” everynight until 3 days ago.. he wouldnt talk to me. I found out through a friend he already started dating a new girl. Whats worse. Im all alone. I cant talk to anyone because i dont have friends and i dont have family to support or talk to me. He already had sex with this girl and he told me ” f*** you. You have a horrible personality unlike this new girl.” I havent done anything. I just asked him if he really did love me if he could move on so fast… i dont know what to do anymore. Im heartbroken. I do what everyone wants and get stabbed in the heart… i feel like i messed up my life because of him. I mean how could someone you have dated for a year move on so quickly? He even wanted to get engaged to me in a year or two and now hes already having sex with a new girl? Sorry my post is so long im just so incredibly hurt right now….
Spent the first day drowning myself in alcohol. Which was a very wrong thing to do as i ended up calling him and he let his new gal pick the phone to ask me to stop calling. But i took up swimming classes, and it has helped a lot and praying to God helps a lot too. Though it might be difficult to concentrate, if we force ourself to do it, eventually we can become numb. The pain might never go away, i know for sure it wont, but atleast we will understand finally that all is over.
After 8 months my bf dumped me said his feelings had changed its been 5 days and I’m still hurting he said he loves being around me but just as friends which hurt I asked him if his feelings would change and he said no Im not eating and crying and wish I could fast forwarda couple months and not feel this pain even when I do start to feel better I don’t think Ican be friends with him it wouldn’t feel right I did say I would need time and best you don’t text me but one day ago I had to text him I had to say how I was feeling all I wanted was him to read it and not text back which he didn’t I no I need to move on I want to be happy again