Got Dumped For Another Or Got Dumped For No One: What Hurts More?
March 19, 2011 by Persha Davis
Filed under Being Dumped
My good friend Lisa (I’m using her middle name for obvious reasons!), got dumped last week. She was devastated to know that her boyfriend of 3 years dumped her, for someone else. I went to visit her on Saturday and joined the “pity party” she was going through.
After consuming way too much alcohol, she asked me,
Persha, what hurts more? Being dumped for someone younger, prettier or just getting dumped for other reasons?
Even after several tequila shots, I couldn’t answer that one!
I have been dumped many times but I was never dumped for someone else. Lisa’s question seemed glued to my mind and when “clarity” state of mind arrived the following morning, I felt I should blog about it!
So, here’s my take on this…
- Getting dumped for someone else.. well it might be a big blow on the ego. You naturally, tend to feel that you were not good enough; or that there was something wrong with you that made your partner leave.
- Given the nature of my break ups, I think it would have been easier for me to accept being dumped for someone else than being dumped for no one. I’m thinking it might reduce all the why me, what if and all the activity that went on in my mind when I didn’t know the “actual” reason I got dumped!
- Getting dumped for whatever reason hurts; the hurt and pain would vary based on how much you loved your partner and how much you’ve invested or scarified to make things work. When you are at the receiving end of being dumped, the reason for the break up might not be the reason you are willing to accept.
When we are trying to sort out the irreconcilable differences and rationalize the irrational, “The grass” no matter, how twisted, may look greener on the “other side”. Either way it hurts…
So what do you think? Does getting dumped for someone else hurt less, than being dumped for no one?
I was recently dumped after a two-and-a-half year relationship with a man I loved, supported, admired and adored. Not only was I dumped, I was dumped for a 20-year-old, blonde, boobies, cute, easy, had-sex-five-hours-after-meeting you girl. Not that I am bitter about her (well maybe a little, why do 20-year-olds ALWAYS win) but just the fact that he left me for someone who is the exact opposite of me is what kills. Break my heart, stab me in the eye, make me think I am going to die, KILLS. Break-ups suck no matter how they happen. Has anyone ever had a good one? But when it happens because of infidelity it seems to be so much more painful and the aftermath so much more brutal. My self esteem, confidence and trust have been shattered. My ability to see how I will ever be able to rid myself of these feelings of anger and bitterness is gone. I know in my head that I will eventually get over this, time is a healer of all things, but at this moment I am unsure how to move past the thought that something must be wrong with me, and my two amazing children who were also dumped in this process, otherwise he would have stayed. Otherwise he would not have strayed, especially to someone who still lives with her parents! Would it have been easier if he left me for someone he thought was “the one?” I have no idea, but being left for a young hottie certainly feels like crap.
Don’t kid yourself JustDumped …he will be back. I came up with a saying, “Show me a beautiful girl and a man who’s bored of her”. Your ex in no time will realize that the blond haired bimbo is nothing BUT that. This has nothing to do with her looks …I know, hear me out. I myself; a Kim Kardashian lookalike, and was dumped for an ex of 52 years old. I know! It’s a joke, but some men prey on looks, where others it’s a matter of fun for a while. They always come back to the one that is sensible, and realistic. She is nothing but a fantasy, and when this wears off, she will be history. I myself have been a product of this, and it does get better!! Looks or not, the ego is a sensitive thing …chin up,
Hugs
I’ve been dumped for someone else and it feels as if you been hit by a train.Istill question why but it seems to me it just brings more misery.I feel being replaced by someone else is horrid just as being dumped for nothing. Maybe being dumped by someone else makes you feel like your not worth spending time with , may be the worst feeling in the world ..All i can say is just walk with your head up and laugh it all out.
its crap, after 20 years of marrisge, i was dumped for some one else only to have him want me back,and i went back, then a week later he wanted her back, i cnt sleep or function, i feel rejected and sooo hurt, how do i move on?
i have been dumpted last week after 14 years wich i can only say was mostly heartache. Deep down its for the best but it dosnt help when you are nearly ^60 years old although i dont look it> i dont have any girlfriends to go out with as they are all married. What do i do? im so lonley and cant see it get any better
All the comments above heart breaking. I am sending my magical soothing energy across to all those who need it. Just inhale it and apply it on your heart. It will feel a little better every time you do it. And if you do, send the same across to the others who need it… Because even I need some.
Got dumped yesterday on text message, but I am not going to take it personally. This time…
Getting dumped for someone else is the worst: it’s like, “hey you’re great, but I found someone better, later!” Getting dumped is just the regular “this wasn’t meant to be, sorry” line. Knowing that someone else is gonna be seeing your ex ASAP is just some extra salt in the wound.
If you get dumped for someone else, you are entitled to think that they are a jerk. When you are cursing the name in the long cold night, you don’t feel guilty or think they may have done the right thing. So that’s a plus there. But that anger can be really bad. When dumped for other reasons, you may not ever really know the real reason, but you can’t totally embrace being mad at the person who broke it off, because you wonder if maybe they had a good reason. If they did, they were good to break it off when they did, and not lead you on longer.
I don’t think there is a which hurts more though. They all suck in their own way, and I think it matters more what the relationship was like than anything else. Scientifically speaking, the same relationship being ended in either manner, I think the more betrayal that is involved the worse the pain will be. The more mutual the breakup the less the pain. But one relationship versus another the relationship itself matters more than the reason.