Got Dumped For Another Or Got Dumped For No One: What Hurts More?

March 19, 2011 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Being Dumped

My good friend Lisa (I’m using her middle name for obvious reasons!), got dumped last week. She was devastated to know that her boyfriend of 3 years dumped her, for someone else. I went to visit her on Saturday and joined the “pity party” she was going through.

got-dumped-for-someone

After consuming way too much alcohol, she asked me,

Persha, what hurts more? Being dumped for someone younger, prettier or just getting dumped for other reasons?

Even after several tequila shots, I couldn’t answer that one!

I have been dumped many times but I was never dumped for someone else. Lisa’s question seemed glued to my mind and when “clarity” state of mind arrived the following morning, I felt I should blog about it!
So, here’s my take on this…

  • Getting dumped for someone else.. well it might be a big blow on the ego. You naturally, tend to feel that you were not good enough; or that there was something wrong with you that made your partner leave.
  • Given the nature of my break ups, I think it would have been easier for me to accept being dumped for someone else than being dumped for no one. I’m thinking it might reduce all the why me, what if and all the activity that went on in my mind when I didn’t know the “actual” reason I got dumped!
  • Getting dumped for whatever reason hurts; the hurt and pain would vary based on how much you loved your partner and how much you’ve invested or scarified to make things work. When you are at the receiving end of being dumped, the reason for the break up might not be the reason you are willing to accept.

When we are trying to sort out the irreconcilable differences and rationalize the irrational, “The grass” no matter, how twisted, may look greener on the “other side”. Either way it hurts

So what do you think? Does getting dumped for someone else hurt less, than being dumped for no one?

dumped breakup reversed

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Comments

14 Responses to “Got Dumped For Another Or Got Dumped For No One: What Hurts More?”
  1. JustDumped says:

    I was recently dumped after a two-and-a-half year relationship with a man I loved, supported, admired and adored. Not only was I dumped, I was dumped for a 20-year-old, blonde, boobies, cute, easy, had-sex-five-hours-after-meeting you girl. Not that I am bitter about her (well maybe a little, why do 20-year-olds ALWAYS win) but just the fact that he left me for someone who is the exact opposite of me is what kills. Break my heart, stab me in the eye, make me think I am going to die, KILLS. Break-ups suck no matter how they happen. Has anyone ever had a good one? But when it happens because of infidelity it seems to be so much more painful and the aftermath so much more brutal. My self esteem, confidence and trust have been shattered. My ability to see how I will ever be able to rid myself of these feelings of anger and bitterness is gone. I know in my head that I will eventually get over this, time is a healer of all things, but at this moment I am unsure how to move past the thought that something must be wrong with me, and my two amazing children who were also dumped in this process, otherwise he would have stayed. Otherwise he would not have strayed, especially to someone who still lives with her parents! Would it have been easier if he left me for someone he thought was “the one?” I have no idea, but being left for a young hottie certainly feels like crap.

  2. Amy says:

    Don’t kid yourself JustDumped …he will be back. I came up with a saying, “Show me a beautiful girl and a man who’s bored of her”. Your ex in no time will realize that the blond haired bimbo is nothing BUT that. This has nothing to do with her looks …I know, hear me out. I myself; a Kim Kardashian lookalike, and was dumped for an ex of 52 years old. I know! It’s a joke, but some men prey on looks, where others it’s a matter of fun for a while. They always come back to the one that is sensible, and realistic. She is nothing but a fantasy, and when this wears off, she will be history. I myself have been a product of this, and it does get better!! Looks or not, the ego is a sensitive thing …chin up,
    Hugs

  3. jess says:

    I’ve been dumped for someone else and it feels as if you been hit by a train.Istill question why but it seems to me it just brings more misery.I feel being replaced by someone else is horrid just as being dumped for nothing. Maybe being dumped by someone else makes you feel like your not worth spending time with , may be the worst feeling in the world ..All i can say is just walk with your head up and laugh it all out.

  4. spacey says:

    its crap, after 20 years of marrisge, i was dumped for some one else only to have him want me back,and i went back, then a week later he wanted her back, i cnt sleep or function, i feel rejected and sooo hurt, how do i move on?

  5. molly says:

    i have been dumpted last week after 14 years wich i can only say was mostly heartache. Deep down its for the best but it dosnt help when you are nearly ^60 years old although i dont look it> i dont have any girlfriends to go out with as they are all married. What do i do? im so lonley and cant see it get any better

  6. Yogi says:

    All the comments above heart breaking. I am sending my magical soothing energy across to all those who need it. Just inhale it and apply it on your heart. It will feel a little better every time you do it. And if you do, send the same across to the others who need it… Because even I need some.
    Got dumped yesterday on text message, but I am not going to take it personally. This time…

  7. devin says:

    Getting dumped for someone else is the worst: it’s like, “hey you’re great, but I found someone better, later!” Getting dumped is just the regular “this wasn’t meant to be, sorry” line. Knowing that someone else is gonna be seeing your ex ASAP is just some extra salt in the wound.

  8. saluk says:

    If you get dumped for someone else, you are entitled to think that they are a jerk. When you are cursing the name in the long cold night, you don’t feel guilty or think they may have done the right thing. So that’s a plus there. But that anger can be really bad. When dumped for other reasons, you may not ever really know the real reason, but you can’t totally embrace being mad at the person who broke it off, because you wonder if maybe they had a good reason. If they did, they were good to break it off when they did, and not lead you on longer.

    I don’t think there is a which hurts more though. They all suck in their own way, and I think it matters more what the relationship was like than anything else. Scientifically speaking, the same relationship being ended in either manner, I think the more betrayal that is involved the worse the pain will be. The more mutual the breakup the less the pain. But one relationship versus another the relationship itself matters more than the reason.

  9. Bob says:

    Molly, it always gets better regardless of age. Loneliness doesn’t discriminate. I’m 38 and the love of my life kicked me to the curb 2 months ago. At the same time, I lost a great job at NBC after Comcast took over and made major cuts. I’m now living at home again w. my parents for the 1st time since college 20 years ago. All of my friends are in NYC and the ones in CT are long gone or married as well.

    One thing’s for certain. Nobody knows how you feel except you but I can tell you how I’m trying to cope even though I’m very lonely and grieving tremendously. Try to find distractions or hobbies to occupy your mind so you don’t dwell on your situation. Exercise and eat right. Keep a journal. If you’re ready (I’m not at this point yet) get back in the dating pool. Yes the dreadful dating game…it sucks for us all whether we’re in our 30s or 60s but eventually you’ll find a wonderful, kind and caring man who will accept you for the wonderful person you are. If you didn’t have the capacity to truly love you wouldn’t be on this site.

  10. Jasmine says:

    I’ve been married for 16 years and when my husband totally started ignoring me and the sex was gone, I turned to an online support system and met a guy who was 20 yrs older than me and we formed an instant connection and he too was in a marriage of 30 yrs but had been in a separate bedroom for 4 years. We started an emotional affair with lots of phone sex, IM chats, and daily phone calls and emails. For over a year I leaned on him and devoured his every word of affection. I felt bad for my husband and his wife but somehow it wasn’t enough to stop me from feeding off his attention. Then 13 months after we started he ended it, and although I was sad about the ending I understood that we could never meet (separated by 16 hours) and I was never willing to take it to that level. But then 2 weeks after we split, he texted me out of the blue and wanted to talk to me and see how I was doing, so I called him and that is when he told me he had met someone else his own age that lived near him and he had been having an affair with her for 6 months!!! This devastated me to the core to know I had been replaced and in that very moment everything he had ever done to make me feel special, wanted, loved, and desired flew out the window. Now I’m hurt, can hardly eat or sleep and it’s been a month. We still have limited contact and I know how bad I need to stop it all together, but tonight for the first time in over a month, I will talk to him on the phone and vent out my frustration on him because I think not only was it selfish for him to tell me about his new friend but at all when I was fine with not knowing and could have never found out, but I think it’s unfair that he gets to get off without any guilt or sadness. I’ve held it in and tried to be dignified about it all but tonight I say it’s his turn to suffer and sweat it out! So IMO being dumped for someone else is worse no matter if she’s older, younger, prettier, or available. I had a dose of both in the matter of 2 weeks and I think I could have lived the rest of my life without knowing about her.

  11. Cosmo says:

    Just broked up 2 days ago.After a 6 year relationship I was dumped .
    We broke up made up broke up made up. This time it’s for good.
    Reality has clicked in and it’s one of the most unbearable pain ever!
    I wish the pain goes away fast.
    When you done so much together been through shit and happiness during that long period of time it feels like someone has died in your soul. My mind is running a muck at the moment .
    I hope I can get through this and not turn back. Even though I still love him what he did to me I know I can never look back because nothing will change.
    Worst of all my parents are close with his.
    I don’t feel like going out or anything I just want to stay in my room away from everyone.
    How do I heal faster?

    Cosmo
    Help

  12. broxa456 says:

    My ex-boyfriend dumped me 4 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness.I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we are about to get married.once again thank you ultimate spell.you are truly talented and gifted.Email:alomaspelltemple@gmail.com is the only answer.he can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man alomaspelltemple@gmail.com

  13. Thomas says:

    My girlfriend of three and a half years just dumped me this week. This is the second time this has happened. Last time she left it was for some other guy and it couldnt have hurt more. But after a week she came back to me and flashed the big puppy eyes and i broke down. Now a few months later she is doing the same thing. I have told myself a thousand times that im not going to forgive her this time. I feel like im not going to be able to keep her from hurting me again.

  14. sweet says:

    I had one of the most painful breakups I could ever imagine. I was best friends with a guy who wanted to date me for years before we actually started dating. We had a deeply loving relationship for two years after which we had to be long distance. We kept in touch everyday, I even went to visit him after a few months of being apart and met his entire family, they thought we would get married…two weeks later he ended our relationship by text. After this he became extremely cold and distant.
    I asked him many times if there was someone else but he said no, then one day he said i am in a relationship, i have no feelings for you and that i love another girl. I was so shocked and deeply hurt. A few weeks later I received an apology e-mail to which I simply stated I don’t believe him at all. The next email he sent is what shocked me beyond words, he falsely accused me of sending curses to his new fling and restating that he is with this person and loves her. I could understand all of it but not being falsely accused, and being treated so lowly. Are there any men out there who could give me their perspective. Why rub salt in someones wounds, what does this guy gain from it, its really sadistic….

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