Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat, written by Michael Baisden (a reformed ladies man!), gives insights to why some men choose to “spread their love” around. It provides a no-nonsense look at men and their opportunistic behavior in dealing with the opposite sex.

My Thoughts on Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat

1. The first section gave telltale signs of infidelity through the behavior of unfaithful lovers. Mr. Baisden creatively uses real life accounts of cheating men to illustrate exactly what women should look for.
On the flip side, it also felt like it was revealing information to women as well as it was teaching men on how to easily get away with cheating! (men confessing how they have cheated and gotten away with it.)

2. As I read the stories of the men interviewed for this book, I couldn’t help but wonder why these men put so much time and effort into being trifling. They concocted some extensive schemes to cover up their acts. Made me wonder, wouldn’t have just been easier to remain single!

3. The anecdotes mentioned in the book seemed a bit over the top and at times strained. Some parts even made me think I had seen or heard about it from a movie somewhere!

4. The book attacks the psychological, sociological and even economic issues behind why men are unfaithful from a realistic perspective rather than using the popular oversimplification “All men are dogs” routine which talk shows have adopted as the standard.

5. Though this this book came out 10 years ago and is extremely relevant today. It seems as if it’s even more so today than it might have been back in the 90s!

6. A few days after reading this book, I was left with the distinct feeling that there’s really no trusting anyone in this world, male or female! ( and that’s an awful feeling). That said, at least your eyes won’t be closed and you know exactly what to be on the lookout for.

7. Mr. Baisden generalizes a lot. So while reading you need to put things into context as everything might not be true for every male/female out there.

8. If you’ve been cheated on, or are being cheated on, this book will have your telltale signs in it! You’ll recognize some of them as being in YOUR situation!

Have you read Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat? What are your thoughts?

This week has been quite a dreaded week. Tune into watch a favorite TV series, a Valentine’s Day gift or some related message is thrown right in front of your face. It’s that time of the year, where you see a red heart shaped something, every corner you turn.
This is all well and good if you are in a loving relationship, and can look forward to an evening of romance (and more!). Hopefully, your partner will remember that it’s Valentine’s Day (how can anyone forget it, when it’s such a constant reminder!) and show great appreciate of how wonderful it is to have you as a partner.
Then there’s a flip side where you can’t bare to hear words like “single,” “happy,” and “valentine” in one sentence. This is more applicable if you are getting over a break up or have been single for a while; Valentine’s Day can be an annoying nightmare. You want to wake up from it as soon as possible, but reality is making a great effort to prolong every possible minute!

I made a promise to myself last Valentine’s Day (2009), “I am not going to be single for next year’s Valentine’s Day”. Faster than I could blink 2010 arrived and fast forwarded to today. Sadly, I am still staring at the same bleak path. It’s not the chocolate wrapped in fancy paper, nor the giant teddy bears or the roses that I long for. It’s much much more…
So how is it that a sexy, smart, successful and charming individual is single on Valentine’s Day?

Why the F*** am I single? (while I’d like to answer that here, it deserves a post of its own.. which will come in the future. Stay tuned!)

You might think I am desperate. May be I am. But for the right person. How many “wrong” people should I date before I find the right one? How many “wrong” relationships should I be in before I can live “happily ever after”? (Dear God, if you have a plan, I don’t understand it!)

Breakup song 1. Take a Bow

by Leona Lewis

‘Cause you’ve taken everything else
You played the part, like a star you played it so well
Take a bow ’cause the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love, all you gave me was pretense, so now take a bow

Breakup song 2. Since U Been Gone

by Kelly Clarkson

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can’t take it
Again and again and again and again
But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I’m so moving on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want
Since you been gone

Breakup song 3. Before He Cheats

by Carrie Underwood

Dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
Carved my name into his leather seats.
I took a louisville slugger to both head lights,
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires.
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.

Breakup song 4. Gone Forever

by Three Days Grace

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known it could be so much better
I hope you’re missing me
I hope I’ve made you see
That I’m gone forever

Breakup song 5. We Belong

by Pat Benatar

Many times I’ve tried to tell you
Many times I’ve cried alone
Always I’m surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Breakup song 6. Ex-girlfriend

by No Doubt

I kind of always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
and you know it makes me sick to be on that list
but I should have thought of that before we kissed…

Breakup song 7. Me, myself and I

by Beyonce

Me, myself and I
That’s all I got in the end
That’s what I found out
and it ain’t no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I’m going to be my own best friend

I got me, myself and I
I know that I will never disappoint myself
my eyes have cried a thousand times
all the ladies if you feel me help me sing it out
I can’t regret time spent with you
Yeah you hurt me but I learned a lot along the way
It’s how I learned to make it through
After all the rain you see the sun come out again

Did I miss any of your favorite depressed breakup songs? Leave a comment and let me know.

I also had to listen through well meant (irritating nevertheless!) break up advice, from various individuals. The best advice I got was from my mum who told me repeatedly, “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you”.

Yes, it was painful to hear this harsh truth. But hearing it, day in day out, really did sink in, gradually… It made me wonder…, How can he treat me like this?

Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You

We all have a limited time on this planet earth, and when being dumped, that’s not something that comes to our radar. Why waste even ONE of those moments sitting home and crying about someone who doesn’t DESERVE you?

Many months have gone by since the day I was dumped and each day I feel a little better. But it’s the little things that keep bringing me back, tugging at the strings and reminding me… causing the pain. That’s when I use the affirmation, Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you.

It is honestly what’s helping me get over my ex. He doesn’t deserve my time. The people that TRULY love me are the ones who get my time. Think about those people who ARE THERE for you. If it’s meant to be it will be, but in the mean time, live your life with no regrets and spend it with people who matter.

When we find the one that turns our tears of sadness into tears of happiness, we will smile and be happy. Until then, its lessons learned, some pages burned and “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you” ! You and I will get through it, in the end.

Accept relationship is over after a breakup

So, take it from someone who went through the process of being dumped, sitting around feeling sorry for yourself day after day isn’t going to help. One of the most important things you’ll need to do is admit to yourself that the relationship is over (however you may be feeling!). Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you’re fantasizing about getting back together.

I’m highlighting this again,

The road to recovery start with accepting your break up.

Until you do this, you really can’t do anything else.

If you hang onto the relationship for a little too long, and this can cause you to do stupid and desperate things, which you might regret later.

The ugly truth of being dumped is no one wants to get dumped; It’s not in our nature to know how to accept it! Sadly, I can’t make you not feel hurt for the one you have lost. But eventually, we deal with it all, we have to. It makes us who we are today.

Let us leave behind what we don't need to carry

A good year with dreams fulfilled?
The year, I met the love of my life?
A year I made the worst mistake of my life?
A year where every relationship turned sour?
A year that has gone by too quickly?

I’m sure most of you would agree with the last one at least!

Ok. So what about me? Well, I survived! I broke up with my better half in 2008, and this year was more of a “stabilization” stage for me. If you have gone through a nasty break up, you know how long the sting of a broken heart lasts; it has its way of ruining your future, even if your ex is not in it!

While, the relationship itself has not left any dangerous scars… it has certainly left me second guessing myself, and not letting even the nicest of guys, “in” to my life. I guess I am scared of being burned again. So, this year for me has been a year of fear….. of getting into a new relationship; a fear that things might end in the same fashion, as it did before.. with me heartbroken!

I look at my friends, family and their successful/fulfilling relationship, and wonder why an intelligent, young, funny, and sexy girl like me can’t seem to find that. Sometimes, it gets me teary eyed, it’s depressing!

But I know, that the first step to a successful and fulfilling relationship, is that I need to give a chance to someone. And that seems to be the problem! How can I trust someone with my heart again, when it was shredded into pieces not so long ago by someone I took a chance on; someone I truly cared for?

True, if I consider all the things that might go wrong in a relationship, I might never end up being in one! and that’s what I am trying to deal with in the coming year. I have began to understand (and engrave in my head!) that all misery is the result of either living in the past or worrying about the future. By worrying about the future, I am ruining a perfectly good present.

So, stay tuned to DumpedDays in 2010, where I WILL make an effort to give a special someone a chance… and hopefully, he will handle my heart with care!
Finally, this goes out to anyone who’s relationship has turned sour during the year; to anyone who’s finding it difficult to move on…. Remember..

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

One door closes behind; another opens ahead. Let us leave behind what we don’t need to carry. How you spend the rest of your life is up to you.

5 Lessons I've Learned From The Men Who Dumped Me!

Getting dumped Lesson #1- It takes two

After getting dumped, most of the time I felt inferior. Being dumped without my consent was a huge attack on my ego! There were certain guys who made me feel inadequate, unattractive and plain unlovable. If you label yourself with the negative feelings I just experienced, you sink deeper into the inferiority trap.
Although, there were times when I thought, “Something was wrong with me”. There were other times, that I projected all the guilt and blame on my ex. The fact is, if you were dumped, then your partner, were as much a part of the problem, as was you.

Getting dumped Lesson #2- Anger is natural; acting out of action is not!

We have to accept we are human, when someone lets us down or does the dirty, we will feel angry. When it comes to getting dumped we feel everything! I feel angry at him for breaking my heart, for stringing me along, and for betraying our very deep friendship as well as relationship. I feel angry that he lied to save face, rather than telling the truth so that I could move on sooner.… the list goes on.

Getting dumped Lesson #3- End unfulfilling relationships sooner!

Years later, it still boggles my mind when I think of the amount of time I spent in relationships well past their sell-by dates. Fear of loneliness, fear of hurting another’s feelings, naively thinking things would magically get better all kept me with guys who were oh-so-wrong for me.

Life is meant to be happy and joyful and every person deserves to feel that happiness and joy. Sometimes when you stay in a bad relationship for too long you lose that happiness and joy and attach yourself to a feeling that your life doesn’t deserve to have those positive feelings in it, but it does.

Getting dumped Lesson #4- Men need Space!

This one is a bit embarrassing to admit. I guess the more I get attached to someone the more time I like to spend with them. Finding the right balance is definitely challenging and certainly depends on each individual. With each relationship I’ve found out that good communications goes a long way.

Getting dumped Lesson #5 – Some things were not meant to be

Sometimes in spite of everything, it just doesn’t work out. When starting out in a relationship it’s easy and normal to think in terms of the future. He is the love of your life and a total dream. You may project a total perfect future with him as your mate. But, for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out. It may be circumstances, or fate, but trying harder may even make it worse. No one likes to lose, but sometimes taking responsibility and accepting a loss is the honorable and mature thing to do. Only then can you truly move on and learn from your losses.

Anyways, every dumping experience moved me closer to where I am today (in a good way!). Sadly, it took me time to realize this. As the saying goes, “If it doesn`t kill you, it will only make you stronger”. It certainly has for me. Looking back, I really thank all those men who set me free!

What about you? Do you have any lessons that you learned from getting dumped? Please leave comment below and let us know.

Getting Over You Getting Over Me

He’s the first thing I think about every day….. How is he? Does he miss me, like I miss him? How do I get him back? … And another day without him begins.

There’s no denying it; Getting over a break up can be one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching things you’ll ever have to do. You can cry, eat a pound of ice cream and write angry letters to your ex in your online journal, but eventually you have to face reality.

Getting Over You: My Story

Once upon a time (about one year ago) the guy I was madly in love with ended our relationship. (I prefer to say that instead of “he dumped me, abruptly”!) There wasn’t a lot of warning signs on my end. He’d been a bit aloof in the weeks prior, but he brushed it off as “too much work”. I was led to believe that it was work-related stress and accepted that with blind faith.

The few months that followed were miserable. We continued to talk. I was convinced the break up was a big mistake and that he will eventually come to his senses and we will get back together. I was completely absorbed with “what did I do wrong?” “What did I miss?” He had been an amazing boyfriend, that it was very hard for me to consider anything he had done wrong (except dumping me of course!).

Getting Over Me: The Bitter Side

We continued to be “just friends”. A couple months after we broke up, I still went to certain gatherings with him, celebrated his birthday with him, I gave him thoughtful Christmas gifts… etc. I was miserable, but he dangled hope in front of me!

Then in January, I found out that he started seeing someone else. Later, I heard that he had spent Christmas with her family. That’s when I went from miserable to totally devastate.

Getting Over You, Getting Over Me: Lessons learned

Perhaps, that was the whack on the head I needed to move on; let go. That was the moment I realized, there was no point hoping of a future with him. I felt really stupid & ashamed for the way I was pining after him.

1. One of the things that keep most people from moving on (& getting over a break up!) is, holding on to false hope. Some are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with their ex’s.

2. If you were the one that was being dumped (aka, your partner who called things off! ), often the onus of reuniting lies on them. If you go chasing after someone who is not willing to take you back, not only will you aggravate your relationship with them, you will also damage your self esteem.

3. Being “Just Friends” doesn’t always work. Ok so you tell this person you just want to be friends now. That is probably not a good idea. You will have to deal with hearing about them moving on and seeing other people, which leads to my next point!

4.Jealousy is self destructive. Seeing the one you were with, in the arms of someone else.. gosh it’s damn annoying and frustrating! Jealousy often leads you to do very stupid things, which you might regret later!

Finally, the most important one… getting over a broken heart is a long-term process. You will need to work through your feelings, reach out to others, and focus on yourself. Give yourself permission to experience your feelings as they occur.

Got Dumped? Stop Feeling Sorry

Often, no one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough; you feel as though someone has just sucker punched you in the stomach. Believe me, being dumped IS the worst feeling ever!

Anyway, the common advice I received at the time was, “stop feeling sorry for yourself”. Hearing this really irritated me. I mean, you can’t just wave a wand make those feelings disappear! None of the material I read contained specific details or steps on HOW to stop feeling sorry. Eventually, I did stop feeling sorry and started forcing myself to move on. But I learned it the hard way via experience and I wish this sort of break up advice was laid out somewhere. So, I took to initiative to write it down. It may have been too late for me, but there is still hope for you.

Stop digging your own grave

The truth is that all too often we make our life harder than it needs to be. Yes, your world just turned upside down and you feel incapable of going on.. but… If you keep thinking about how badly you’ve been hurt, you will continue to hurt.

Don’t participate in loser talk

Your ex didn’t leave you because there’s something wrong with you; there’s something else your ex is looking for. You just weren’t a compatible match so one of you had to move on and obviously it was your partner that decided to go first. So, stop all the thousands of “if’s,” “possibly’s” and “maybes”.

Remember, you are still the same you!

Sometimes it gets to the point where you start questioning all the things that make you so great. You ARE a great person, and anyone that doesn’t want to be with you is losing out! You have to start thinking positive if you want better things to start happening.

Keep yourself busy

When you are getting over someone, it helps to keep yourself busy. I always find exercise helps; a good swim or run takes my mind off my break up. I also tend to call certain people up for long, detailed chats. A glass of wine in the evening never goes down too badly either! (Here are 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up in case you are at a loss of finding something to do)

Do something! Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Life is journey.. one lesson after another. That’s where we grow, learn, adapt, get strong and become more effective. Sometimes we need to step outside of our reality (problems, challenges, environment) to understand and appreciate what we really have and how tough our life isn’t.

Yes, life might have thrown you a curve ball, but the only way to fix it is to get up and get busy making it better. What can you do to stop feeling sorry for yourself? What can you do to dig yourself out of this rut?

This is a question I have often wondered sitting in a dark corner over a stub of my favorite ice cream!
So, you can imagine my child like enthusiasm when I see a book title that clearly speaks to me! Smart Women, Foolish Choices. Did I mention that I am a graduate with a stable career, but when it comes to men, I always find myself on the wrong side of fate. Yap, I think I fir the profile well!

I picked up the book for the store shelf and browsed through the book content. It was convincing and didn’t cost that much so bought the book. While I was leisurely reading it, I felt like someone had followed me around and written about my life. Seriously….

Written by two licensed professional counselors, Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices is a valuable book on how to gage erroneous, futile mechanisms and thought processes that keep women in hopeless mindsets and equally hopeless relationships.

What Smart Women, Foolish Choices offers the reader

• It clearly explains why women seem to be falling for the wrong men and why these wrong men seem to be so attractive and exciting.
• It offers tips on how women can come into their own power and to take assured chances with the opposite sex.
• It shows you how to confront and change your hidden, love-defeating attitudes and stereotypes, the difference between “love” and “longing”.
• Personal assessment exercises, to test what you know and what you have learned after reading the book. These tests will help give you an idea of where you stand and what you need to focus on. These tests include The Patterns of Relationship Quiz, The Love Addiction Test, and the Satisfaction of Needs Test.

The one thing I didn’t agree about the book
In some parts of the book, it seemed as if the authors put the blame on women, suggesting the problem lies in the fact that women do not give men of who don’t appeal to them, a long enough chance. Bull****!!! May be since this book is written by men, it may a bit biased to their own sex!

Overall: Is Smart Women, Foolish Choices for you?

I would recommend this book to

• Those who have been led to falsely believe that all men are commitment-phobic slugs and want validation to seek emotionally mature men that embrace confident, mature women for what they bring to the union.
• Any woman who has found that she has a lot going for her, but can’t figure out why her relationships with men always end in disaster. You will gain is knowledge, insight, and the chance to practice self-reflection.

I must also highlight that you can’t just read a book and expect things to automatically improve. YOU must do the work, and only YOU can make the changes.