What would you do, if one of these people asked you for a second chance? Showed remorse for what happened previously; pleaded with you, and told you how much he/she has changed… for the better? How hard would it be to give that second chance?

“Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me”

Famous sayings such as the above don’t make it any easier!

This person hurt you once; you felt let down.

• How can you be sure that it won’t happen again?

• Has this person really changed?

• Could you see yourself ever trusting him/her?

• Caring about him/her freely again after what he/she did?

• Would you want to risk it ALL again?

Have you ever been in caught up in such torment?

On giving someone who broke your heart a second chance: My two cents

People fight; get confused about what they want. They breakup and get back together; It happens. What matters is should it happen to you.

You have to be able to realize what went wrong the last time and not let emotions cloud your judgment.

Make sure that the other person is sincere in efforts to get back together and for wanting a second chance. If this is not the case, you could find the one who cares enough to not hurt you that much. Just be honest with yourself about if he/she is worth the risk again. If not, you’re setting yourself up for another breakup.

Words of a broken heart

I can’t believe you’ve left me, you’ve spurned me

I can’t live without you (I won’t live without you . . .)
Please take me back
I love you so much, you have to love me
My heart is aching, I can’t breathe, I can’t walk, the sadness
is crushing me
I am so alone
Life can’t be this cruel and unfair
See my misery and make things right
You are all that matters, you are beautiful, you are the one

I am nothing without you
Only you can make me happy

And the song goes on. The pain of lost love is a terrible thing; it’s devastating and it can have lasting consequences. But if you look at the lyric, is there a whole lot in it that concerns the well-being of the other person? Not really. It seems to be all about the “me”, not the “you”. The you may in fact be doing alright, may not be suffering much, but that isn’t the me’s concern here.

They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.~Elizabeth Wilder

Yes, the first few days after a break up, you will be able to relate to Elizabeth Wilder feelings! However, eventually, you will forget your ex but.. YOU NEED TO MAKE AN EFFORT ON YOUR PART to make it happen.

Forget your ex

1. Accept that the relationship is over

You will never be able to move on after a break up if you still cling to the possibility of getting back with your ex. Don’t dwell too much on the past and learn to accept that it’s over. You forget your ex if you are in the proper frame of mind. Focus on what you can do to become a better person without your ex by your side.

2. Refrain from reliving moments

If there was a special place you went together, you had a special song or anything else that will trigger happier moments, AVOID it. This is one of the most important steps in trying to erase those memories of your ex.

3. Get rid of the mementos

Photos, gifts and other mementos are reminders of the time you spent as a couple. Keeping photos of your ex all around the house will just cause you to pine away for them. It will prolong your efforts to forget your ex and may cause you to regret the breakup. Do yourself a favor and put them away.

4. Change Your Surroundings

I understand that there is a limit to which you can change your surroundings. But there are simple things like rearranging your room, getting new bed sheets, putting up a new painting or poster you can do. This will help you feel like you are moving forward and moving on.

Also, a temporary change of scenery was also effective. I took a couple of days leave from work, and went to my sister’s for a short stay.

5. Delete your ex’s number from your phone.

You won’t be able to forget your ex, as long as you keep in touch with your ex. Try to avoid contact with your ex, at least the initial few weeks following the break up. So, delete the phone numbers, and other online traces of your ex and make a clean break.
If you are finding it difficult to stay of the phone read my previous post Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex

6. Keep yourself occupied

If your mind is idle, it could lead you to unwanted images or feelings. So it is important to keep yourself busy when you are trying to forget your ex. Try physical activities, some sport, go to the gym, go swimming, go jogging, just walk or do something that you enjoy, but couldn’t do when your ex was around! Here are more ideas to on ways to keep you busy after a break up.

Any ideas you can contribute to forget your ex?

Just when you think you will be ok, something reminds you of your ex and instantly your inner voice will ramble one of the below or something similar!

I will just make a quick call to say hi
Just this once, I will meet him or her
There is no harm in sending one SMS.

Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex

1. Get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex

Toss out anything that even remotely reminds you of your ex. This includes things like photographs, old love letters and gifts your ex has given you. I have found this to be very difficult at first, but looking back at it now, I realize that it’s a necessary, step. Hanging on to even one thing can result in you still feeling attached to your ex, so it’s important to ensure that everything goes.

If you find this too hard to do, ask a close friend to help. It will be a bonding experience for both of you and it will help them to feel that they’ve really lent a helping hand in your time of need.

2. Don’t Google your ex!

When you are not with your ex, you are curious about what they are up to. Have you found someone new? Are you still thinking of me? the questions are endless. You are desperate to find the answers and you take the task to the internet. From Facebook to myspace, you want to take a peek at their lives and see how they’re doing. DON’T. Trying to find out details about your ex will only fuel your urge to call your ex. So, stay away!

3. Catch yourself making excuses to call your ex

In your mind you will find some sort of excuse to call your ex. Whether your house got burned or your cat ran away, don’t call your ex! Drama is not a reason to stir up a phone call to the ex. If you really feeling like you need to talk to someone, call a friend until the feeling passes.

4. Keep yourself occupied

When you are sitting still, your thoughts can play tricks on you. It is better to stay busy so you won’t think about your ex, and won’t have the urge to call your ex.
If there is a sport that you enjoy, make it a point to pencil that into your schedule. A set of tennis, swimming in the pool, or anything that takes your energy and your concentration will help keep your mind off of your misery and wanting to call your ex.
If you run out of things to do, here are ways to keep busy after a break up

5. Delete your ex’s phone number from your mobile!

Yes, yes, you have to! During my recent break up I deleted the phone number and then talked myself into being “mature” and added it right back after a couple days. Big mistake! It really does help when you can’t even see their name in your phonebook, for at least a few months!

6. Let go. The break up happened for a reason

Be realistic about what went wrong. Perhaps, the relationship wasn’t working as well as you wanted to believe and that it is actually for the best that it has ended. When you miss your ex, it’s extremely hard to focus on the “bitter truth”.
So here’s something you don’t want to hear,
It takes two people to make a relationship work and when one person wants out, obviously THAT person isn’t your soul mate.

You need to cut yourself off emotionally and physically (and psychologically!) from the relationship. The main way to do that is to stop talking to your ex. You have to stay in control, and resist the urge to call your ex.

I hesitated reading it because I just wanted to wallow in pain. I guess nobody wants to admit that they, if not now, then at some point in their lives, might actually need to hear why it’s called a breakup!
Eventually, after a few weeks, I finally picked up the book, with the intention of just to browsing the pages. What seemed like a casual browse, lasted for a few hours and I ended up reading the entire book at one go.

It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken is structured in two parts. The first part, “The Breakup” centers around coming to terms with the reality that the relationship is truly over, and the next part “The Breakover” focuses on coping with this new reality.

The Breakup

Every section has a Dear Greg section where people have wrote these questions and Greg answers them. One or more of these questions is bound to help you or at least be similar to the situation you are going through.

The chapters end with a workbook segment offering simple questionnaires, exercises and even recipes. A few out of the ordinary ones as well like the “Psycho Confessional”–in other words, mistakes that you want to avoid during your own breakup. Not forgetting, the really neat crossword puzzle, to make you feel better!

The Breakover

Wrap up

• Every section contains the best and worst news.

This was one of my favorite parts of the book. It features these things called Awesome Thoughts that actually make you feel better; like the first awesome thought is that annoying thing your ex did will never bother you again.


• I felt the authors were genuinely sympathetic about just how painful the loss of a relationship can be, yet at the same time, they provide an oft-necessary “kick in the pants” on the road to recovery.
• The book is based very much on their experiences as well as the experiences of the anonymous people they use for anecdotes throughout the book. Many of the tales are funny, some are sad, and others are plain ridiculous. Whatever you are going through, there is a story in the book that can come close. There is always something to relate to. (I am very much ashamed to admit that I saw myself in so many of the scenarios of this book.)

Is It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken For You?

Getting over a breakup is never easy. But there are good ways and bad ways to deal with it. I’ve experienced both!

Overall, this book is more geared towards women, all intended to provide the breakup victim with a much-needed self-esteem boost, include “Pretty Lady” and “Hot Stuff.” However, as Greg makes clear from his own story, either sex can be the one that gets dumped. Therefore, the authors encourage guys to read the book too! At least the bonus chapter “Dude, Get Off Her Lawn.” For men or women stuck in post-breakup purgatory, this book might be just what they need to set themselves free.

Good luck, I wish you all the best!

“How come such a smart girl like you is still single?”

“I can’t believe a nice girl like you is still single,”

Followed by the more direct and probing question “When do you think you’ll get married?”

Why Are You Still Single

Question: Why are you still single?
Me: I really don’t know. Maybe you should ask my ex’s.

Question: You do know that your biological clock ticking?
Me: I am not sure about that, but I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my rear end.

Question: Why are you still single?
Me: Because I just got out of prison for killing the last person who asked me that! (I haven’t said this really, but have been tempted to try!)

Question: Isn’t it time you thought about settling down?
Me: Yes, It’s my new year’s resolution.

Question: Why aren’t you still not married?
Me: I forgot!

That actually isn’t a joke. Everyone is so busy with education, career etc. Such things occupy your time so much so that the void left by not having a significant other, isn’t that significant! Unless of course someone reminders you
Why are you still single?
Me: Because I haven’t found anyone good enough for me (Blunt truth!)

Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of similar questions and comments. What was your reply?

Related Posts

• Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men Avoiding the Wrong Ones (If only it was that easy!)
• Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End
• Be The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave
• Break Up Advice I Hate Hearing When I’m Getting Over Someone!

May be your partner is not able to express the exact reasons for the break up. Maybe he does not know why the relationship can’t continue Or perhaps he simply doesn’t want to talk about it.. Whatever it is you know you won’t get the real answers from your ex.

This can make you lose all motivation to do anything but dwell on what went wrong. The plaguing questions of how and why it all went downhill, keeps you up at night. You are waiting for answers that never seem to come, and in the process waste wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn’t willing to give it.

Thousands of “if’s,” “possibly’s” and “maybes”

Why Did I Get Dumped

Maybe she would change her mind if I explain more?

Did he hear something that was not true?

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been. ~John Greenleaf Whittier

STOP… don’t over-analyze things
Yes, I know it’s hard, but constantly replaying conversations and trying to re-evaluate the “evidence” on why you were dumped will make you feel even worse.

Many break ups don’t have a specific cause so don’t obsess about what went wrong . This isn’t to say you shouldn’t reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship (but it’s not helpful to dwell on the whys and wherefores). Instead, focus on what went right . Even if you won’t have those good old times with that particular person, eventually your heart will heal and you’ll find new great moment with someone new.

Your partner has made the decision to end the relationship. He or she didn’t decide against you, it’s just that they simply decided to move on without you. They will never tell you the real reason why they left. Perhaps, His or her reason may have nothing to do with you!

YOU as a person, with intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling of not letting go just makes therapists rich!
Life offers humps and bumps along the road. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to be good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt.

Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat, written by Michael Baisden (a reformed ladies man!), gives insights to why some men choose to “spread their love” around. It provides a no-nonsense look at men and their opportunistic behavior in dealing with the opposite sex.

My Thoughts on Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat

1. The first section gave telltale signs of infidelity through the behavior of unfaithful lovers. Mr. Baisden creatively uses real life accounts of cheating men to illustrate exactly what women should look for.
On the flip side, it also felt like it was revealing information to women as well as it was teaching men on how to easily get away with cheating! (men confessing how they have cheated and gotten away with it.)

2. As I read the stories of the men interviewed for this book, I couldn’t help but wonder why these men put so much time and effort into being trifling. They concocted some extensive schemes to cover up their acts. Made me wonder, wouldn’t have just been easier to remain single!

3. The anecdotes mentioned in the book seemed a bit over the top and at times strained. Some parts even made me think I had seen or heard about it from a movie somewhere!

4. The book attacks the psychological, sociological and even economic issues behind why men are unfaithful from a realistic perspective rather than using the popular oversimplification “All men are dogs” routine which talk shows have adopted as the standard.

5. Though this this book came out 10 years ago and is extremely relevant today. It seems as if it’s even more so today than it might have been back in the 90s!

6. A few days after reading this book, I was left with the distinct feeling that there’s really no trusting anyone in this world, male or female! ( and that’s an awful feeling). That said, at least your eyes won’t be closed and you know exactly what to be on the lookout for.

7. Mr. Baisden generalizes a lot. So while reading you need to put things into context as everything might not be true for every male/female out there.

8. If you’ve been cheated on, or are being cheated on, this book will have your telltale signs in it! You’ll recognize some of them as being in YOUR situation!

Have you read Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat? What are your thoughts?

This week has been quite a dreaded week. Tune into watch a favorite TV series, a Valentine’s Day gift or some related message is thrown right in front of your face. It’s that time of the year, where you see a red heart shaped something, every corner you turn.
This is all well and good if you are in a loving relationship, and can look forward to an evening of romance (and more!). Hopefully, your partner will remember that it’s Valentine’s Day (how can anyone forget it, when it’s such a constant reminder!) and show great appreciate of how wonderful it is to have you as a partner.
Then there’s a flip side where you can’t bare to hear words like “single,” “happy,” and “valentine” in one sentence. This is more applicable if you are getting over a break up or have been single for a while; Valentine’s Day can be an annoying nightmare. You want to wake up from it as soon as possible, but reality is making a great effort to prolong every possible minute!

I made a promise to myself last Valentine’s Day (2009), “I am not going to be single for next year’s Valentine’s Day”. Faster than I could blink 2010 arrived and fast forwarded to today. Sadly, I am still staring at the same bleak path. It’s not the chocolate wrapped in fancy paper, nor the giant teddy bears or the roses that I long for. It’s much much more…
So how is it that a sexy, smart, successful and charming individual is single on Valentine’s Day?

Why the F*** am I single? (while I’d like to answer that here, it deserves a post of its own.. which will come in the future. Stay tuned!)

You might think I am desperate. May be I am. But for the right person. How many “wrong” people should I date before I find the right one? How many “wrong” relationships should I be in before I can live “happily ever after”? (Dear God, if you have a plan, I don’t understand it!)

Breakup song 1. Take a Bow

by Leona Lewis

‘Cause you’ve taken everything else
You played the part, like a star you played it so well
Take a bow ’cause the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love, all you gave me was pretense, so now take a bow

Breakup song 2. Since U Been Gone

by Kelly Clarkson

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can’t take it
Again and again and again and again
But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I’m so moving on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want
Since you been gone

Breakup song 3. Before He Cheats

by Carrie Underwood

Dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
Carved my name into his leather seats.
I took a louisville slugger to both head lights,
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires.
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.

Breakup song 4. Gone Forever

by Three Days Grace

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known it could be so much better
I hope you’re missing me
I hope I’ve made you see
That I’m gone forever

Breakup song 5. We Belong

by Pat Benatar

Many times I’ve tried to tell you
Many times I’ve cried alone
Always I’m surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Breakup song 6. Ex-girlfriend

by No Doubt

I kind of always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
and you know it makes me sick to be on that list
but I should have thought of that before we kissed…

Breakup song 7. Me, myself and I

by Beyonce

Me, myself and I
That’s all I got in the end
That’s what I found out
and it ain’t no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I’m going to be my own best friend

I got me, myself and I
I know that I will never disappoint myself
my eyes have cried a thousand times
all the ladies if you feel me help me sing it out
I can’t regret time spent with you
Yeah you hurt me but I learned a lot along the way
It’s how I learned to make it through
After all the rain you see the sun come out again

Did I miss any of your favorite depressed breakup songs? Leave a comment and let me know.