Dumped and Damaged: When Love Ruins Your Life
Being in love is such a wonderful feeling, when everything seems right. Getting dumped is the last thing you often expect to happen. But it happens and you feel like your heart is being ripped out while you are still alive. Remember the Heroes TV series where a supernatural human can put the hand straight through the body and rip the heart out. At least for me, it felt like that.
It has been about 5 years now and by most standards I should have moved on to find someone new and live happily ever after. The truth is that I did move on. I did find many but I don’t know how to explain it but there wasn’t anyone who really met the so called standard of the person I once had in my life. I think I am over him now, but the fact that this guy I once loved, still lingers on. I don’t think I get myself to be happy with someone else.
Looking back at the whole situation now, I know how naive and immature I was back then. I wasn’t much of a believer of love even then, but this one guy changed my perspective on love. So I was pulled in, and the concept of love or being in love really consumed me.
Funny as the circumstance would have it, he is still single today and never been married. A friend of mine asked me one day whether I would get back with him now. So I was pondering on the fact of whether I would be happy with him now, since I can’t seem to find happiness with anyone else!
Here’s the truth. Even if he was the last guy on this planet, I don’t think I ever want to get back with him. Why, because I think back then I love him too much. You know the genuine love where one person might be willing to just about do anything, like even die for someone (like in the movies!). May be I was blinded by love so much so that it really ruined my life. I was angry and annoyed. I wondered what was so wrong with me, that he didn’t love me anymore.
I was second guessing myself and had little faith in what I had to offer. He made me feel inadequate.
Time heals all wounds, common break up advice dished out by many. But then, how long is long enough?
To this day, I still think that it’s the fact of me being so angry with him for what he did to me (or what I let myself get into!), that I can’t seem to get myself to love someone else. May be I am too scared to get hurt like that again. Or maybe I haven’t found the sort of person who can love me, for me. Sometimes, even though I write this blog which help many others, I don’t have answers for my own pain!
At the end of the day, I guess it all boils down to choices and consequences. Life goes on… what must be done, must be done!
There is this saying,
What does not kill me will make me stronger.
I sure hope it does!