Dumped and Damaged: When Love Ruins Your Life

May 13, 2012 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Getting over

Being in love is such a wonderful feeling, when everything seems right. Getting dumped is the last thing you often expect to happen. But it happens and you feel like your heart is being ripped out while you are still alive. Remember the Heroes TV series where a supernatural human can put the hand straight through the body and rip the heart out. At least for me, it felt like that.

It has been about 5 years now and by most standards I should have moved on to find someone new and live happily ever after. The truth is that I did move on. I did find many but I don’t know how to explain it but there wasn’t anyone who really met the so called standard of the person I once had in my life. I think I am over him now, but the fact that this guy I once loved, still lingers on. I don’t think I get myself to be happy with someone else.

Looking back at the whole situation now, I know how naive and immature I was back then. I wasn’t much of a believer of love even then, but this one guy changed my perspective on love. So I was pulled in, and the concept of love or being in love really consumed me.

Funny as the circumstance would have it, he is still single today and never been married. A friend of mine asked me one day whether I would get back with him now. So I was pondering on the fact of whether I would be happy with him now, since I can’t seem to find happiness with anyone else!

Here’s the truth. Even if he was the last guy on this planet, I don’t think I ever want to get back with him. Why, because I think back then I love him too much. You know the genuine love where one person might be willing to just about do anything, like even die for someone (like in the movies!). May be I was blinded by love so much so that it really ruined my life. I was angry and annoyed. I wondered what was so wrong with me, that he didn’t love me anymore.

I was second guessing myself and had little faith in what I had to offer. He made me feel inadequate.

Time heals all wounds, common break up advice dished out by many. But then, how long is long enough?

To this day, I still think that it’s the fact of me being so angry with him for what he did to me (or what I let myself get into!), that I can’t seem to get myself to love someone else. May be I am too scared to get hurt like that again. Or maybe I haven’t found the sort of person who can love me, for me. Sometimes, even though I write this blog which help many others, I don’t have answers for my own pain!

At the end of the day, I guess it all boils down to choices and consequences. Life goes on… what must be done, must be done!
There is this saying,

What does not kill me will make me stronger.

I sure hope it does!

dumped breakup reversed

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8 Responses to “Dumped and Damaged: When Love Ruins Your Life”
  1. Prasana says:

    Hello…This is disgusting recently my grl broke with me, she knew everything about me an still left me…its really hard time for me searching all these kind of blogs and getting console…but i feel she have same kind of mentalty of yours….”LIFE GOES ON…WHAT MUST BE DONE..MUST BE DONE…but was blank for these days what to do…I feel time is the only healing medicine for this pain..and even time will reduce the impact but this pain will always persists…God bless my girl! This is really amazing…even when some prsn die we loose them..but we knw they are alive but still we should consider they are no more…its very painful…i dont knw what i am wrtting, today i lost all my mind just reading all such kind of blogs….No one should have this pain…please my god…

  2. Richard Davies says:

    Hi! I met this amazing woman about two plus years after my wife left me. For the first three or four months, the relationship was fantastic. When my life became complicated and difficult, things between us became rocky. Well she became overwhelmed after a while and dumped me. After the breakup, I tried to commit suicide (did the same thing when my wife left me). We decided to stay friends after this and eventually over time things became physical and then romantic. The next ten or so months were a roller-coaster because she could never decide if she wanted to be with me or not. Every other month she would break up with me only to return. This crazy ride finally ended last week. I am hearbroken, emotionally exhausted, lonely, confused, and in a weird funk as well as depressed. I have two young boys who I love to death, thank God for them. Just wanted to share what’s going on in my life at the moment.

  3. Jordan says:

    Hi, How are you guys going now a little time has passed? For the first time 2 weeks ago I was on the receiving end of a break up. It’s been harder then I ever thought possible!! As state of complete dispair, self doubt and regret. I have always pride myself of always being in control of my emotions… I have lost that control. I find the total mind shift I have experienced is profound. All of a sudden she is this perfect individual. I am glorifying and romantisizing her on a pedastal at the same time amplifying all of the flaws in myself so it’s a double edged sword. I have been the same Prasana, sifting through blogs to find the answers and help me through it. The most prevelant message is time time time… heals all things… But does it??? This is not how it was supposed to go!!! Clearly still in the denial stage.

  4. ben judilla says:

    That saying is right,but what really hurt’s for me is to betray me, this is what happen to me and my ex-gf for the past 4 years she was cheating on me, and there is that saying that love is blind and that is what happen to me, the last and second cheating happen this year june 2012, i think that’s the last straw, after we broke up she keep on texting me and telling me i just want to hear your voice and she keep on sending me messages that she collected from website like ” sometimes when i really miss you, i just want to sleep forever, because your always in my dream. so close to my heart, but yet so far in reality” i never answer back and i never respond to any of her text even phone calls, it’s better that way, cuz it’s not going to change and i will never be a friend to my ex, it really hurts when someone you love is the one whose going to betray you, think about this and sometimes you have to balanced yourself if it’s the right thing to do….good luck and hope your happy on what ever you choosed to do.

  5. doubleLL7 says:

    It’s been 2 years. I have always had my way with women. This one really fucked up my head. She left me two years ago, and I still think of her daily. Do I want her back? No, not at all… I’ve moved on in most ways, but in other ways I’m still a victim of a broken heart. This changed my life. It did make me stronger, and has definitely motivated me to improve my life at a very incredibly accelerated rate. But I’m not happy… I’ve forgotten how to love and highly despise it. It has even affected my relationship with my friends, and has made me socially inept. I’m lost… But nobody really knows this because I never show it. Not to anyone at all…. glad to be able to share my story with all of you. Good luck and never give up.

    P.s. Guys coming out of a break up, I highly recommend some good reading for you if you feel like you need it.

  6. Rachel says:

    I had met my love two yrs back online dating site and at first was not looking for love but once I got to know him I adored him. We had some views that were the same and the closeness was amazing. I adored him even did things for him I wouldnt do for any man thats true love by way when you give more then you can handle. we had a rocky relationship from begging due to him wanting to have Open relationship then one day he wanted me for himself and I was thrilled. Our age differences is another factor. We broke up few times over past two yrs and got back because of me not him. I had warning signs I ignored when your in love you dont focus on those signs. I should have went with my gut instincts I didnt and now Im left with broken heart. He ruined my life in process and part of me thinks he feels guilty but not sure. I gave him more then any women have done cause I loved him thats what hurts is how he had no empathy I knew he has mental health issues but they were not that bad and he always had no empathy when we were together it like I had to beg for a hug when I was sad or needed one. He had flaws and I over-looked because of this stupid in Love thing I had for him. To be honest I dont think I will ever have another boyfriend or husband ever again due to such heartache and feelings of rejection really sucks. This man lied told me I was his soul mate then dumped me and how he dumped me was very harsh I never deserved such utter disrespect he didnt care.

  7. jack says:

    It is true love when it is more than you can handle i can fully agree on that %100. I have never felt so broken, alone , low spirited, joy less, and hopeless..words can barely describe how one feels after a cold seperation. why? often ask our selves why or how. i was talking to a girl for some time we were obviously more than friends we bascially acted like a couple. but for what ever reason she didnt want to make it official or admit that we were more than friends because to her we were jus friends. even though we acted like a couple. hanging out everyday always talking and texting i couldnt stop looking at pictures of her saved on my fone i couldnt stop thinking of her wut she was doing wondering if she was thinking about me to.. i would of done anything for this woman i gave her my all or so i tried..leaving my friends and family just to go hang out with her..she did me wrong though…she would talk to other guys..she would show affection for me then turn around and be texting her ex bf the whole time we were hanging out…i also had warning signs i purposly ignored simply becuz i tried to change her….its almost like some one close to me in my family died..i know time can heal me..but it has been a while already and at times i feel completly hopeless and abandonned. i feel like i cant ever recover. i feel i will never find another like her. i gave her all my heart and soul. i am a kind hearted person i dont have hate in my heart. i am a classy gentlemen simply becuz of experiences in my life with the woman that raised me i have grown to respect a womans culture. but at times it seems women are more eviler than men. i was everything but hatefull towards her..and it still wasnt enough..i have plenty of friends and family who rly see me for who i really am and they tell me to move on hell some people even stop talking to me simply becuz i was involved in relations with this particular person but i never listened..i have always been known to brighten other peoples days people tend to jus stick around me becuz i was a happy person growing closer to family and friends and to people close to me changing the world around me. then i met her one day and she turned into my world. then she just left one day. for what ever reason. so many things went wrong there is no were to start..i would have done anything for this woman i simply cannot stress that enough..at times i felt like she didnt even kare like she didnt even bother…like it never even phased her..and that jus feels like you poured a bottle of vodka on my back after i just slid down a slide of razor blades naked..there has to be a good reason for me to dwell upon things otherwise i continue onto my life with my friends and family and live happy i was so perfect before but she ruined me. she destroyed my spirit. i dont feel the same faith in god as i did before my self esteem has been crushed i never thought i wud find myself cutting my own arm till it bleeds. i never would of though that feeling would actually take away the pain therefore i was addicted to adrenaline rush. my spirit isnt the same and it has affected my world around me. my friends and family.. i lost interest in activities i onced loved…at times i wish to be free from this demon of sorrow. but at times i jus wish to stay down in the pit of agony. im not the same anymore and i never will be. i gave my soul away and it wasnt given back. i dont kare if people look at me like im a mess or like im depressed. i was a motivated individual who took on any obstacle not to brag but i was really in touch with myself and others around me i developed healthy relationships with peers and nieghbors. it seem like people were always inviting to me. now i dont participate in activities like i use to people ask me why and i would jus nod my head and walk away. i have read countless breakup articles im practically never home lately i have been out of my house. and yet only to come home and feel the same shitty life i chose. at times i think to my self that i never want to feel like that again. so i shy away from relationships and from getting to know women. i have been rejected most of my life. and the only people that seem to kare for me are the people who are already in my life like they always have been. i havent had a girlfriend in 7 to 8 years. just flings and friends. friends friends friends. at times i feel as i am just lustful but no it is not sex i desire it is the feeling of having a mutual other. someone who thinks of u like u think of them some one who will never leave ur side someone u grow with and be happy with. but no i dont believe in that anymore. not one bit. in this wolrd it seems people want to go through agony distress a glum. i dont belive in love i dont belive none of that shit i am completely heartless. i feel like i have a black hole in my heart. and yet she proably could give a flying shit. it hurts bad. not just mentally. it is staring to heart physically and spiritual. the three things i thought i would never lose. i guess i feel like this becuz i gave my all to someone who gave me the impression that they would also give me there all. if someone is there for you no matter what why leave? people if you have someone right in front of your face who would do anything for you no matter what and would also go out of thier way for u keep them and dont hurt them . people go through these things diffrently. at times i feel that some people arent even people but so there demons for the evil acts that they commit its almost like how could someone do such a thing ? i dont think i will ever love someone like i loved her even though there are plenty of women in my life and in this world. i just wanted one for me and only me by the end of the day but i never thought being a total sweetheart would do the opposite. i dont think i will ever give my all give my soul give my heart to anyone. ever. the feeling of a loss is one of the worse things eveer imaginable comparing it to the feeling of a death of some one truly dear to you. i just wanted to be happy. but we cant be. we simply cannot be happy in this wolrd. this world relfects depression sorrow agony fear remorse. its a curse. ill be over it one day i will NEVER forget though. what an evil woman can do to a man . she never gave a flying fuck woman like that give a bad name to woman every where.. half the songs on the radio are about women being sluts or hoes or bitches or strippers or prostitutes. waht kind of society is that??? would you want someone to talk about your mother like that? or your grandma what about ur daughter?? its a shame. i will never be the same i kind of felt goood writing this but ill still be the same empty shell at the bottom of the river bed . one thing that is true and will always previel is karma. and thats what goes around will always come around. and dont ever forget that.


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  1. […] this was the exact same thing I was thinking when I initially got dumped. It took me far too much time and agony to realize that relationships are a two way […]

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