Being dumped, you are at the receiving end. Often you don’t want to end the relationship. You want every ounce of the relationship to work, and letting go is far from the mind. I was thinking all along what can I do to change? What can I do to make him stay. Looking back at it now, it all seems pathetic and desperate.

You can’t control the persons thoughts or feelings

Sometimes, you feel they are unjustly ending the relationship or maybe you don’t see any logic in their choice. The truth of the matter is they possess the freewill to do with their life, as they wish. As much as you may want to, you can’t control another person’s thoughts or feelings.
It is sometimes enormously painful to accept this fact, especially if you feel you have given so much of yourself to this other person.

After being dumped, Let go – let them walk away

When they choose to walk away from you, you may feel a very strong craving to stop the progress of their actions. When feeling that you deserve something from this person, it can cause you to behave in very improper way. This behavior is detrimental to your emotional well being.

Letting go doesn’t always seem like the right thing to do at the time. But sometimes, you have to let the other person find their own path; even if it means you have to imagine a life without you, in it.
It just means that their part in your life story is over. Deep down I think you will know that is.

So don’t try to talk him or her into staying with you or convince them to love you etc If they can’t treat you right, love you back and see your worth, surely you deserve better.
Trying to hang on to someone who doesn’t want to be with you is only going to prolong your breakup pain.

After being dumped, letting go doesn’t happen overnight

Letting go your past the your ex, isn’t something you do once and it disappears! Letting go is a journey with steps forward and steps backward; You will have your share of good days and bad days.

I have been through many gut twisting, heart wrenching breakups that really pinned me down to the ground and ripped me into pieces. So believe, me when I say letting go is a process that takes time.

Letting go and moving on is difficult; I’ve shared my experience previously. Check it out if you’ve missed those posts.

• Life After Break Up Building Walls Of Hope Of Love And Relationships
• How To Move On After Getting Dumped

My Story: Moving on After getting dumped

Every day I am consumed with thoughts of deception, hurt and loss of hope. I read stories and self-help guides on how to move on after getting dumped and it amazes me how these people can keep writing this stuff!

I am living proof that for the past year I have been playing this roller coaster ride in hopes that I could reconcile things with him and get back together. There were many times I just wanted to run over to his place shake him up until he realized that I am the one for him. Of course it never happened; I didn’t have the energy nor the guts to do it.

I know one thing for sure. I should have moved on a long time ago. Believe me, I have gone through break ups before and I never had a problem of moving on before. But this fella really shook me up. For some reason I have this overwhelming feeling of holding on, keeping hope.
Anyway, after some time I did finally move on after getting dumped. Here are few things that I think will help you.

Accept that it’s over

As long as you keep hoping that there is a tiny ounce of a chance that you two are going to get back together, you will not be able to move on. So don’t give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Tell yourself that this was a chapter in your life that has now closed and you are now ready to grow and enter another chapter of your life.

Let yourself be sad

Everyone around want you to cheers up and move on. While their intentions are noble the turnaround will not happen in instantaneously. None of us likes to be upset or depressed. However, when a relationship ends, irrespective of who ended it, you lose a part of your life. If you were dating for a short time, the sad period probably won’t last that long. But for a long-term relationship, you might be sad for a really long time.

Letting yourself feel the sadness will let you deal with the emotions and the break up pain. Remember that getting over being dumped is more than just moving on. If you can deal with the bad feelings, you’ll be better to able to experience the good feelings that come when you’ve moved on.

Write about your feelings

Are you annoyed, angry, furious with what your ex did? Don’t let all those emotions eat you up. Write about it. For some reason writing about things collects your thoughts, and believe me, you will feel much better after you vent out what’s inside you.

Keep yourself busy

After a break up you suddenly feel as if you have so much more time on your hands. Learn something new ; there is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time.

Here are 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up, in case you run out of ideas!
Note that keeping yourself busy is not a solution. However, it’s something that can help you feel better.

Forgive yourself

Sometimes getting dumped can make you feel as if you are a failure at love. You may also feel like the chances of experiencing a “their happily ever after future” has just been obliterated. The Why’s, What if’s , and If only I’d… statements take over, driving even the sanest person to the brink of insanity.

Learn from It.

Each experience helps you to develop new layers and fill up fresh wells of life experiences to draw from. So use it your advantage! Look over your relationship, what have you learned? What was good about it and what went wrong. Use these notes as a tool to improve your relationships skills.

Eliminate

Get rid of things that revive memories of the past, and while you’re at it, purge anything else that brings you pain. Delete old emails, toss old mementos, or gifts.
You might be interesting in reading a previous post on How To Forget Your Ex When EVERYTHING Around Reminds You Of Your Ex or Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex : 6 Effective Ways To Help You Stay Off The Phone!

Focus on the future.

What do you want to do next? Would you like to get into another relationship soon? Do you just want to wait and see what happens?
Perhaps you have been neglecting other areas of your life. Now is the time to put your focus back on your career, your fitness etc. Make a list of goals, and positive changes you would like to make in your life and start working towards them.

Good luck!

5 Lessons I've Learned From The Men Who Dumped Me!

Getting dumped Lesson #1- It takes two

After getting dumped, most of the time I felt inferior. Being dumped without my consent was a huge attack on my ego! There were certain guys who made me feel inadequate, unattractive and plain unlovable. If you label yourself with the negative feelings I just experienced, you sink deeper into the inferiority trap.
Although, there were times when I thought, “Something was wrong with me”. There were other times, that I projected all the guilt and blame on my ex. The fact is, if you were dumped, then your partner, were as much a part of the problem, as was you.

Getting dumped Lesson #2- Anger is natural; acting out of action is not!

We have to accept we are human, when someone lets us down or does the dirty, we will feel angry. When it comes to getting dumped we feel everything! I feel angry at him for breaking my heart, for stringing me along, and for betraying our very deep friendship as well as relationship. I feel angry that he lied to save face, rather than telling the truth so that I could move on sooner.… the list goes on.

Getting dumped Lesson #3- End unfulfilling relationships sooner!

Years later, it still boggles my mind when I think of the amount of time I spent in relationships well past their sell-by dates. Fear of loneliness, fear of hurting another’s feelings, naively thinking things would magically get better all kept me with guys who were oh-so-wrong for me.

Life is meant to be happy and joyful and every person deserves to feel that happiness and joy. Sometimes when you stay in a bad relationship for too long you lose that happiness and joy and attach yourself to a feeling that your life doesn’t deserve to have those positive feelings in it, but it does.

Getting dumped Lesson #4- Men need Space!

This one is a bit embarrassing to admit. I guess the more I get attached to someone the more time I like to spend with them. Finding the right balance is definitely challenging and certainly depends on each individual. With each relationship I’ve found out that good communications goes a long way.

Getting dumped Lesson #5 – Some things were not meant to be

Sometimes in spite of everything, it just doesn’t work out. When starting out in a relationship it’s easy and normal to think in terms of the future. He is the love of your life and a total dream. You may project a total perfect future with him as your mate. But, for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out. It may be circumstances, or fate, but trying harder may even make it worse. No one likes to lose, but sometimes taking responsibility and accepting a loss is the honorable and mature thing to do. Only then can you truly move on and learn from your losses.

Anyways, every dumping experience moved me closer to where I am today (in a good way!). Sadly, it took me time to realize this. As the saying goes, “If it doesn`t kill you, it will only make you stronger”. It certainly has for me. Looking back, I really thank all those men who set me free!

What about you? Do you have any lessons that you learned from getting dumped? Please leave comment below and let us know.

Break Up Lines

Break up lines become the spark that ignite the devastation of getting dumped. The mere mention of the first few words of a break up line…. and you know, you are well on the road to getting dumped. It implies having to come to terms with a situation, you were completely unprepared for (most of the time!).

Every break up happens for a reason. But all too often, that reason is never revealed; At least not the real one. Given below is a list of 6 such common, yet vague break up lines people use to camouflage the “actual” break up reason.

Break up Lines #1 – “It’s not you – it’s me!”

Of course it’s not you; it’s you and me, both!

I have lost count of how many times this break up line has been used on me. You see, I usually fall for the sweet, charming and simple “type of guys’” and they seem to think that using this break up line, make the let down go more smoothly.

Well, the good thing about “It’s not you – it’s me!” is that, if someone says this to you, it doesn’t mean they hate neither you, nor does it mean that there’s anything wrong with you!

Break up Lines #2 – ” This just isn’t for me. Nothing personal.”

WTF.. The moment you said it, it became personal!

I really don’t understand this break up line. Perhaps, it’s because no one has used this on me, and I can’t put this into context! Anyway, I do know a few friends who were at the receiving end of this line.

If I have been someone for a few days, and he said to this me, I guess I could bare with it. But this is certain not something I expect to hear in a long term relationship break up. It just seems plain cold hearted.

Break up Lines #3 – “You can do so much better than me!”

May be, But I choose you!

This is one of those break up lines, that leaves me awake all night wondering “Why in the world did he break up with me” . In my life time there was only guy who said this to me (thus far!). Strangely, he was the only one I could imagine a “happily ever after”.

Break up Lines #4 – “I’m not worthy of you!”

That is probably true, but what were you thinking all this time!
Again, this is quite similar to the previous break up line. Just sorry sentence people use, on their way out.

Break up Lines #5 – “I’m too busy for a relationship right now.”

You tell me this now?
It is my belief that if 2 people really love each other and cared enough, they can get around the “busy” schedule. However, if the stress of a busy work life is a barrier for a relationship, then I guess it’s better to call it off sooner, than later.

Break up Lines #6- “The timing is bad.”

Will there ever be a “right” time?
Related to break up line #5. This one is mostly used when no partner wants to give up something. For example, it might be living in 2 separate states and no one wants to move!

In my humble opinion, there are no really no “good break up lines”. If for some reason, I am getting dumped, I would prefer the other party to tell the truth, however harsh it may be to hear or listen to.
Anyway, what every the break up line that is used, it will hurt at first. But someday.. you WILL be thankful, that they left before you wasted years on them.
What’s the worst breakup line you’ve ever said or heard? Has anyone used the above break up lines on you, when getting dumped?