I also had to listen through well meant (irritating nevertheless!) break up advice, from various individuals. The best advice I got was from my mum who told me repeatedly, “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you”.

Yes, it was painful to hear this harsh truth. But hearing it, day in day out, really did sink in, gradually… It made me wonder…, How can he treat me like this?

Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You

We all have a limited time on this planet earth, and when being dumped, that’s not something that comes to our radar. Why waste even ONE of those moments sitting home and crying about someone who doesn’t DESERVE you?

Many months have gone by since the day I was dumped and each day I feel a little better. But it’s the little things that keep bringing me back, tugging at the strings and reminding me… causing the pain. That’s when I use the affirmation, Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you.

It is honestly what’s helping me get over my ex. He doesn’t deserve my time. The people that TRULY love me are the ones who get my time. Think about those people who ARE THERE for you. If it’s meant to be it will be, but in the mean time, live your life with no regrets and spend it with people who matter.

When we find the one that turns our tears of sadness into tears of happiness, we will smile and be happy. Until then, its lessons learned, some pages burned and “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you” ! You and I will get through it, in the end.

Accept relationship is over after a breakup

So, take it from someone who went through the process of being dumped, sitting around feeling sorry for yourself day after day isn’t going to help. One of the most important things you’ll need to do is admit to yourself that the relationship is over (however you may be feeling!). Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you’re fantasizing about getting back together.

I’m highlighting this again,

The road to recovery start with accepting your break up.

Until you do this, you really can’t do anything else.

If you hang onto the relationship for a little too long, and this can cause you to do stupid and desperate things, which you might regret later.

The ugly truth of being dumped is no one wants to get dumped; It’s not in our nature to know how to accept it! Sadly, I can’t make you not feel hurt for the one you have lost. But eventually, we deal with it all, we have to. It makes us who we are today.

Let us leave behind what we don't need to carry

A good year with dreams fulfilled?
The year, I met the love of my life?
A year I made the worst mistake of my life?
A year where every relationship turned sour?
A year that has gone by too quickly?

I’m sure most of you would agree with the last one at least!

Ok. So what about me? Well, I survived! I broke up with my better half in 2008, and this year was more of a “stabilization” stage for me. If you have gone through a nasty break up, you know how long the sting of a broken heart lasts; it has its way of ruining your future, even if your ex is not in it!

While, the relationship itself has not left any dangerous scars… it has certainly left me second guessing myself, and not letting even the nicest of guys, “in” to my life. I guess I am scared of being burned again. So, this year for me has been a year of fear….. of getting into a new relationship; a fear that things might end in the same fashion, as it did before.. with me heartbroken!

I look at my friends, family and their successful/fulfilling relationship, and wonder why an intelligent, young, funny, and sexy girl like me can’t seem to find that. Sometimes, it gets me teary eyed, it’s depressing!

But I know, that the first step to a successful and fulfilling relationship, is that I need to give a chance to someone. And that seems to be the problem! How can I trust someone with my heart again, when it was shredded into pieces not so long ago by someone I took a chance on; someone I truly cared for?

True, if I consider all the things that might go wrong in a relationship, I might never end up being in one! and that’s what I am trying to deal with in the coming year. I have began to understand (and engrave in my head!) that all misery is the result of either living in the past or worrying about the future. By worrying about the future, I am ruining a perfectly good present.

So, stay tuned to DumpedDays in 2010, where I WILL make an effort to give a special someone a chance… and hopefully, he will handle my heart with care!
Finally, this goes out to anyone who’s relationship has turned sour during the year; to anyone who’s finding it difficult to move on…. Remember..

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

One door closes behind; another opens ahead. Let us leave behind what we don’t need to carry. How you spend the rest of your life is up to you.

Got Dumped? Stop Feeling Sorry

Often, no one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough; you feel as though someone has just sucker punched you in the stomach. Believe me, being dumped IS the worst feeling ever!

Anyway, the common advice I received at the time was, “stop feeling sorry for yourself”. Hearing this really irritated me. I mean, you can’t just wave a wand make those feelings disappear! None of the material I read contained specific details or steps on HOW to stop feeling sorry. Eventually, I did stop feeling sorry and started forcing myself to move on. But I learned it the hard way via experience and I wish this sort of break up advice was laid out somewhere. So, I took to initiative to write it down. It may have been too late for me, but there is still hope for you.

Stop digging your own grave

The truth is that all too often we make our life harder than it needs to be. Yes, your world just turned upside down and you feel incapable of going on.. but… If you keep thinking about how badly you’ve been hurt, you will continue to hurt.

Don’t participate in loser talk

Your ex didn’t leave you because there’s something wrong with you; there’s something else your ex is looking for. You just weren’t a compatible match so one of you had to move on and obviously it was your partner that decided to go first. So, stop all the thousands of “if’s,” “possibly’s” and “maybes”.

Remember, you are still the same you!

Sometimes it gets to the point where you start questioning all the things that make you so great. You ARE a great person, and anyone that doesn’t want to be with you is losing out! You have to start thinking positive if you want better things to start happening.

Keep yourself busy

When you are getting over someone, it helps to keep yourself busy. I always find exercise helps; a good swim or run takes my mind off my break up. I also tend to call certain people up for long, detailed chats. A glass of wine in the evening never goes down too badly either! (Here are 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up in case you are at a loss of finding something to do)

Do something! Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Life is journey.. one lesson after another. That’s where we grow, learn, adapt, get strong and become more effective. Sometimes we need to step outside of our reality (problems, challenges, environment) to understand and appreciate what we really have and how tough our life isn’t.

Yes, life might have thrown you a curve ball, but the only way to fix it is to get up and get busy making it better. What can you do to stop feeling sorry for yourself? What can you do to dig yourself out of this rut?

Keep Busy After A Break up

I have been in similar situations myself and I KNOW how hard it is to keep busy after a break up. It’s true that you have to deal with the sadness and not deny it or push it aside. However, that doesn’t mean you can or should let yourself wallow in it. I realized that if my mind was not occupied (with things that didn’t include my ex!), it got busy pulling me further down the depths of despair!

Given below are a few things I tried to keep myself busy with, after my recent break up. Hope you will benefit from them too.

Entertainment activities to keep you busy after a break up

1. Host a movie marathon. Don’t forget popcorn!
2. Watch a whole TV series on DVD
3. Play Nintendo wii, Xbox Live or some kind of online game.
4. Crank up some music and dance!
5. Find silly videos on Youtube
6. Sing karaoke (sing even if you can’t!)

Physical activities to keep you busy after a break up

6.Paint a room in your house. Or do a painting of a room in your house.
7. Go for run in the park
8.Clean out the garage, the attic or the basemen etc and have a garage sale (you’ll free up space and make a bit of cash while you’re at it!)
9.Organize your closet
10.Go to the gym for a workout
11.Swim
12.Enroll for a social dancing class. Jive, waltz, Salsa
13. Plant flowers. If you don’t have anywhere to plant them outdoors, plant them in a pot indoors instead.
14.Go to your nearest hiking trail and go for a hike
15.Clean the trash out of the car. Wipe down that dusty dashboard.

Creative activities to keep you busy after a break up

16.Create a comic book (where your Ex can have any face you want!)
17.Find a new project/hobby (I started blogging! Ha ha) Cook, bake – find some new recipes and try them out
18.Redecorate your bedroom
19.Learn to play a musical instrument (guitar, piano etc)

Self improvement activities to keep you busy after a break up

20.Learn a new language
21.Enroll in a class that might further your career
22.Read good book on how to over a break up
23.Read an inspirational or motivational book

General activities to keep you busy after a break up

24.Catalog your books/DVDs etc
25.Organize your iTunes library, create some new playlists
26.Join an online forum and contribute
27.Call a friend and catch up
28.Get an extra job
29.Volunteer for cause you believe in (this really helped me feel good about myself)
30.Take a bubble bath
31.Plan a party (warning: don’t invite your ex)
32.Go to a beauty salon and get a makeover
33.Make a to-do list for the rest of the week.
34.Babysit for a friend (toddlers have a funny way of erasing your troubles, even if it’s for a while)
35.Get rid of 5 things you never wear to make room for your next shopping trip.
36.File away any loose papers and pay bills.
37.Do a crossword, sudoku, riddles or trivia to make yourself even smarter.
38.Chat. Use a chat program to chat randomly with strangers.

How about you? How have you kept yourself busy after your breakup? Any ideas you can add to this list, and share with others?

Regret After A Break Up

My “feel good” reply, “I am the queen of looking back and saying, “Gosh, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do.” I have so many regrets that they could fill the Grand Canyon!”

Then there’s always the harsh truth….
You may retrace everything you said,
Everything you did while you were in the relationship.
You may blame yourself for small things that happened, thinking that’s why the break up happened.

Irrespective of the reasons for breaking up a relationship or who initiated the breaking up, sometimes we all get caught up in the web of regret. Honestly, I think it’s natural to have feelings of regret after a break up (to a certain extent!); the challenging part is what you do with that regret!

Why Do You Regret Breaking Up?

Some break ups are thought out and occur over time; others are not. Whether a break up is based on a rash, unanticipated act or something that you have planned to do there are usually substantial and significant reasons for the act of breaking up to occur.

If you are the one that initiated the break up, assess your reasons. Did your ex cheat on you? Did they live a destructive lifestyle? Were they unwilling to work together for the good of the relationship? If so, the chances of your relationship thriving, would have been very slim.
If you cannot come to terms with your reasons, you are likely to always question your decision for breaking up.

Getting Past The Feelings Of Regret After A Break Up

In my life, yes, there have been a few occasions where I regretted my actions that caused the break up. I always told myself that the break up was for the best, but wondered how life would be different now, if I had stayed with another person.
We can all look back on things in our past with rose colored sunglasses. The bottom line is, there was a reason(s) why the two of you broke up.

There was a reason why your relationship did not work….
There was a reason why you made no contact

You need to move forwards with your life and leave the past in the past. The person you split with is not going to change; they are still in time going to be the same person that you broke with because you no longer wanted to be with them.

Over to you… have you experienced feelings of regret after a break up? In your opinion, what’s the best way to deal with it?

Break up Advice I hate

Break Up Advice #1: Time heals all wounds

This is probably the most common & overused break up advice of all time! I absolutely hate this word: TIME….

Now, you might think that I am being immature. Not at all.
I perfectly understand getting over someone is a long term process.
I realize that I will get over this eventually, and I need to hang in there and be positive.

Ok. So why don’t I want to hear “time heals everything” type of break up advice? Well, this sensible logic does not seek in when you have just broken up; when I am getting over someone, I don’t want to “wait” to feel good; what I want to know is “How can I feel better right NOW?”

Break Up Advice #2: You’re a real catch, you’ll be just fine.

While this may be true, what it actually does is make me feel like my feelings of loneliness and heartbreak are invalid; as if those feelings shouldn’t exist and that my pain is something to ignore.

Break Up Advice #3: You are better off without him/her

I guarantee that you will hear “you’re better off without ….” from everyone you know after the break up. I can’t believe that it has become casual conversation for some people. Here’s an actual life script from my past.

3 days after my break up I am at office with my brave face, pouring a cup of coffee near the Coffee maker. Along comes a colleague who I have spoken to about once or twice.
Colleague : Sorry to hear that you broke up with …
Me: silently force a fake smile
Colleague : Are you ok?
Me: I’m getting by I wanted to yell, NO!
Colleague : You know, I didn’t tell you this before but I never liked him, even when you guys were dating. You are better off without him.
Me: Hm.. try my best to keep calm and not lash out !

Break Up Advice #4: There are other fish in the sea

Of course there are other fish in the sea! It would border on the ridiculous to say or think otherwise. However, during a break up we tend to think along the lines of “you’re still the one for me”, “How do I get my Ex back” and looking beyond that, seems near impossible.

I would like to hear your thoughts and experiences on listening to such break up advice. Do you get the urge to strangle the person who says such things! Or is it a non-issue for you?