Well, you might be heart broken and feel really down. However, you can still enjoy the holiday season this year. Don’t let the break up ruin your Christmas and new year.
Last year I wrote the post Christmas Break up: How To Survive Being Dumped During The Christmas Holidays, but thought of adding a bit more to it.

1. Focus your energy on family and friends.
Don’t stay at home thinking about your ex all day. Find out what your friends are doing for Christmas and try to help out in any way you can. Or perhaps you are going to visit your family this year, get involved with various activities so that you can get your mind off your ex.

2. Be will to say “I don’t want to talk about it”
There will be many people who’d want the latest scoop about the break up during family gathers, friends parties etc. People love to gossip especially during the holidays where many people come together. If you are not comfortable talking about it just be straight and say it. Say that you are going through a difficult time and hope the other person can respect that.

3. Give yourself a gift
While you buy many gifts for others during the holiday, want is it that you want? Anything nice and affordable that you’ve been meaning to get for a while? Or many you visit a spar, massage etc just pamper yourself.

4. “It’s ok to go alone”
When your single all at once it can be difficult to walk into parties and various dinners alone. You are so used to going with your ex. Get a friend to tag along or take a family member if you can. Gradually you will get used to this but it will take some time.

While these tips were specific to getting over a break up during the holidays, I’ve written more articles which you might find useful.

• How To Forget Your Ex When EVERYTHING Around Reminds You Of Your Ex
• Ways To Cope With Loneliness After Being Dumped
• Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt

What do you do, when your ex sends you a text?

Well, this really depends on what you want from your ex. So here are 3 scenarios that might be able to relate to.
(This may seem pretty straightforward but when you are going through a difficult breakup what you should do and what you want to do often differ!)

1. You want nothing to do with your ex

When your ex sends a text message and you are certain that you want nothing to do with you ex, it’s pretty obvious what your next move should be.

Ignore the text message -> delete it without reading it!
A fair warning… I have gone the “I’ll just ignore it” route, and failed miserably. The thing is when your ex sent a text, even if you don’t read it you feel the urge to read it; to know what it is!

The other option is to let your ex know that you don’t want to be contacted again.

2. You want to be just friends with your ex

If you plan to remain “just friends”, make sure that correct expectations are set initially. If you are the one who dumped your partner, it’s possible that your ex is still in love with you or cares about you. Your friendliness may be misinterpreted as a sign of getting back together.

3. You want to get your ex back

It may be a good sign that your ex sent you a message. However, don’t jump into the conclusion that you got the text because your ex wants to get back together with you. Try to find out the actual reason for the text message. (I don’t mean to shatter all your hope, but it could well be that your ex misses you or wants something from you!)
(side note: I’ve written previous post on Should I Consider Getting Back With My Ex After Being Dumped?, which you might find useful)

Anyways, you are probably thrilled to receive the message and you want to immediately text or call back. But, don’t be too eager to respond to the message. You don’t want to give the impression that you’ve been waiting by the phone to hear from your ex, even though it may be the truth.

Also, keep the reply short. It should be “bait” to get a longer conversation going, so don’t detail out everything that happened while the two of you were apart.
This first text could be the first step towards reconciliation. Remember there is a long way to go.
Read through Reverse your breakup for some practical tips on how to actually get your ex back.

At the end of the day, whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s a firm decision and you don’t change your mind later.
For example, if you simply decide to just ignore the text, really do it. Don’t let your curiosity get the best of you.

I wish you the best!

You sometimes tend to think,

• What my ex has done is simply inexcusable!
• My ex doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.

If you are in a similar situation, you are likely to relate to everything I’ve said so far.
I know all too well, forgiving your ex is hard; it feels near impossible!

Not forgiving your ex imprisons you!

Unless you acknowledge the hatred (and the “rest of the crap”!) and try to sort it out, eventually, it grows like a parasite and starts to eat away the “best of you”.

• 1. Your inner voice constantly reminds you of all your ex’s wrongdoings
• 2. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view towards your ex’s actions, you still feel miserable!
• 3. You are blind to all the wonderful people and things around you
• 4. You stop appreciating the small things that could make you happy
• 5. Basically, you are busy being annoyed, angry and you always feel disappointed.
• 6. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of deprecating ruts.
• 7. It starts affecting your physical and emotional health.

Unforgiveness is like fixing a glass of poison for your enemy and then drinking it yourself. ~ Susan St. James

And that’s your thought for the day.

I plan to write more on forgiveness, its area I’m struggle myself. I guess I am drinking my own poison!
Subscribe and stay tuned for future posts.

During my teenage years, after being dumped I thought, if I apologized for something I did, my partner will want to get back together. Sometimes, I apologized even if it wasn’t my fault. Sometimes, it worked! We got back together, but then eventually the relationship ended. I knew I should have “let go, the first time I got dumped!

As I got older (and wiser in late twenties!), I realized that I don’t have to be sorry or responsible for EVERYTHING, that led to a break up. Often, you tend to think you were dumped because of something YOU did. Keep in mind that this is not always the case. If you screwed up then it’s very likely that you would know what you did! You would most probably try to sort things between the two of you. But if out of the blue, your partner decides to dump you, then it could well be that there’s something else your partner is looking for.

However badly you might want to get back with your ex, if there’s

one thing you should never apologize for its telling the truth and being YOU.

Sometimes you might want to say certain things that are a bit uncomfortable for your partner hear. Remember, the truth will always remain true, and you are not accountable to apologize for saying such things.

If at all you feel the need to apologize, apologize for the pain; for saying these things might have caused. However, the actual act and reason should not be one of remorse. It’s no longer in your control once the truth is out how the other person will handle hearing that information.

Related Posts

• Regret Breaking up? Dealing With Feelings Of Regret After A Break Up
• Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat
• Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt
• Using Technology As A Way To Dump Someone and End a Relationship

My unbiased answer is: It depends on both your personalities, how much you both had invested in the relationship and at what point you are both at in life.

In this day and age, the way to say, “It’s over” has quadrupled. Majority of people think dumping someone in person is the decent and “dignity intact” way. At the same time, ending a relationship “face-to-face” can be a really difficult thing. Read through and see what suits you best.

So you wanna dump someone via Phone ?

upside

• Your soon to be ex might be busy and not in a position to talk
• You might get the answering machine (is that a downside )!

downside

• Possibly the next best thing to breaking up in person.
• You might find it easier to say things over the phone that you can’t say in person.
• You will be able to find an excuse to cut short the conversation if it turns ugly or is too long!

Is it appropriate for you?

• Perhaps, your relationship is long distance?
• How serious was the relationship?

So you wanna dump someone via SMS ?

upside

• You don’t have to watch the other person suffer.
• You can be quick and type a few words and be done with it.

downside

• “Dnt think we r wrking out. C U L8r.” is NOT considered as proper break up etiquette!
• Breaking up through a text message is an all-time low

Is it appropriate for you?

• Is this what it has come to?

So you wanna dump someone via Instant Messenger ?

upside

• You don’t have to watch the other person suffer.
• You be direct and answer any questions that your soon to be ex might have
• You can multi-task!

downside

• Your soon to be ex might show/share the conversation with others.
• Your soon to be ex might not expect when you say, “hi” that you want to break up!
• Needless to say, a very “feelingless” way to dump someone

Is it appropriate for you?

• How long have we been going out? Days, weeks, months?
• Will what my ex share with others matter to my reputation?
• Does this person mean so less to, me that it has all come down to using a colon and a parenthesis, to convey feelings of remorse ?

So you wanna dump someone via Email ?

upside

• Quite similar to snail mail. Unless you receive a “delivery failed” message you know it reached your soon to be ex.
• You can easily forward it to someone else and get a second opinion before sending it out.
• Some people find it easier to write than actually speak. You might be able to put more rationale in to why you want to break up.

downside

• Probably, depends on what you write!
• Make sure you send it to the correct email address!

Is it appropriate for you?

• How long have you been dating?
• Do you feel comfortable putting all your thoughts into words

So you wanna dump someone via Facebook ?

upside

• I am probably too bias to mention any!

downside

• For most people being dumped is never easy. Broadcasting it online is completely humiliating and may cause “emotional trauma” for your soon to be ex.
• There are a number of no, no’s on Facebook and this has to be one of them!

So you wanna dump someone via Twitter ?

No comments!

Hopefully, this post gave you some insight into choosing which way you want to dump someone. Do you have any experiences to share on how you have been dumped previously and the way you felt about what method was used ?

Related Posts

• Getting Dumped: 6 Break Up Lines I am Tired Of Hearing
• Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men Avoiding the Wrong Ones (If only it was that easy!)
• Why Are You Still Single? Replies Single People Can Give To Ease Yourself Out Of Such Nosy Questions
• 7 Everyday Things People Do To Ruin Their relationships
• Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt

I also had to listen through well meant (irritating nevertheless!) break up advice, from various individuals. The best advice I got was from my mum who told me repeatedly, “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you”.

Yes, it was painful to hear this harsh truth. But hearing it, day in day out, really did sink in, gradually… It made me wonder…, How can he treat me like this?

Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You

We all have a limited time on this planet earth, and when being dumped, that’s not something that comes to our radar. Why waste even ONE of those moments sitting home and crying about someone who doesn’t DESERVE you?

Many months have gone by since the day I was dumped and each day I feel a little better. But it’s the little things that keep bringing me back, tugging at the strings and reminding me… causing the pain. That’s when I use the affirmation, Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you.

It is honestly what’s helping me get over my ex. He doesn’t deserve my time. The people that TRULY love me are the ones who get my time. Think about those people who ARE THERE for you. If it’s meant to be it will be, but in the mean time, live your life with no regrets and spend it with people who matter.

When we find the one that turns our tears of sadness into tears of happiness, we will smile and be happy. Until then, its lessons learned, some pages burned and “Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you” ! You and I will get through it, in the end.

Accept relationship is over after a breakup

So, take it from someone who went through the process of being dumped, sitting around feeling sorry for yourself day after day isn’t going to help. One of the most important things you’ll need to do is admit to yourself that the relationship is over (however you may be feeling!). Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you’re fantasizing about getting back together.

I’m highlighting this again,

The road to recovery start with accepting your break up.

Until you do this, you really can’t do anything else.

If you hang onto the relationship for a little too long, and this can cause you to do stupid and desperate things, which you might regret later.

The ugly truth of being dumped is no one wants to get dumped; It’s not in our nature to know how to accept it! Sadly, I can’t make you not feel hurt for the one you have lost. But eventually, we deal with it all, we have to. It makes us who we are today.

Let us leave behind what we don't need to carry

A good year with dreams fulfilled?
The year, I met the love of my life?
A year I made the worst mistake of my life?
A year where every relationship turned sour?
A year that has gone by too quickly?

I’m sure most of you would agree with the last one at least!

Ok. So what about me? Well, I survived! I broke up with my better half in 2008, and this year was more of a “stabilization” stage for me. If you have gone through a nasty break up, you know how long the sting of a broken heart lasts; it has its way of ruining your future, even if your ex is not in it!

While, the relationship itself has not left any dangerous scars… it has certainly left me second guessing myself, and not letting even the nicest of guys, “in” to my life. I guess I am scared of being burned again. So, this year for me has been a year of fear….. of getting into a new relationship; a fear that things might end in the same fashion, as it did before.. with me heartbroken!

I look at my friends, family and their successful/fulfilling relationship, and wonder why an intelligent, young, funny, and sexy girl like me can’t seem to find that. Sometimes, it gets me teary eyed, it’s depressing!

But I know, that the first step to a successful and fulfilling relationship, is that I need to give a chance to someone. And that seems to be the problem! How can I trust someone with my heart again, when it was shredded into pieces not so long ago by someone I took a chance on; someone I truly cared for?

True, if I consider all the things that might go wrong in a relationship, I might never end up being in one! and that’s what I am trying to deal with in the coming year. I have began to understand (and engrave in my head!) that all misery is the result of either living in the past or worrying about the future. By worrying about the future, I am ruining a perfectly good present.

So, stay tuned to DumpedDays in 2010, where I WILL make an effort to give a special someone a chance… and hopefully, he will handle my heart with care!
Finally, this goes out to anyone who’s relationship has turned sour during the year; to anyone who’s finding it difficult to move on…. Remember..

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

One door closes behind; another opens ahead. Let us leave behind what we don’t need to carry. How you spend the rest of your life is up to you.

Got Dumped? Stop Feeling Sorry

Often, no one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough; you feel as though someone has just sucker punched you in the stomach. Believe me, being dumped IS the worst feeling ever!

Anyway, the common advice I received at the time was, “stop feeling sorry for yourself”. Hearing this really irritated me. I mean, you can’t just wave a wand make those feelings disappear! None of the material I read contained specific details or steps on HOW to stop feeling sorry. Eventually, I did stop feeling sorry and started forcing myself to move on. But I learned it the hard way via experience and I wish this sort of break up advice was laid out somewhere. So, I took to initiative to write it down. It may have been too late for me, but there is still hope for you.

Stop digging your own grave

The truth is that all too often we make our life harder than it needs to be. Yes, your world just turned upside down and you feel incapable of going on.. but… If you keep thinking about how badly you’ve been hurt, you will continue to hurt.

Don’t participate in loser talk

Your ex didn’t leave you because there’s something wrong with you; there’s something else your ex is looking for. You just weren’t a compatible match so one of you had to move on and obviously it was your partner that decided to go first. So, stop all the thousands of “if’s,” “possibly’s” and “maybes”.

Remember, you are still the same you!

Sometimes it gets to the point where you start questioning all the things that make you so great. You ARE a great person, and anyone that doesn’t want to be with you is losing out! You have to start thinking positive if you want better things to start happening.

Keep yourself busy

When you are getting over someone, it helps to keep yourself busy. I always find exercise helps; a good swim or run takes my mind off my break up. I also tend to call certain people up for long, detailed chats. A glass of wine in the evening never goes down too badly either! (Here are 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up in case you are at a loss of finding something to do)

Do something! Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Life is journey.. one lesson after another. That’s where we grow, learn, adapt, get strong and become more effective. Sometimes we need to step outside of our reality (problems, challenges, environment) to understand and appreciate what we really have and how tough our life isn’t.

Yes, life might have thrown you a curve ball, but the only way to fix it is to get up and get busy making it better. What can you do to stop feeling sorry for yourself? What can you do to dig yourself out of this rut?

Related Reading

Keep Busy After A Break up

I have been in similar situations myself and I KNOW how hard it is to keep busy after a break up. It’s true that you have to deal with the sadness and not deny it or push it aside. However, that doesn’t mean you can or should let yourself wallow in it. I realized that if my mind was not occupied (with things that didn’t include my ex!), it got busy pulling me further down the depths of despair!

Given below are a few things I tried to keep myself busy with, after my recent break up. Hope you will benefit from them too.

Entertainment activities to keep you busy after a break up

1. Host a movie marathon. Don’t forget popcorn!
2. Watch a whole TV series on DVD
3. Play Nintendo wii, Xbox Live or some kind of online game.
4. Crank up some music and dance!
5. Find silly videos on Youtube
6. Sing karaoke (sing even if you can’t!)

Physical activities to keep you busy after a break up

6.Paint a room in your house. Or do a painting of a room in your house.
7. Go for run in the park
8.Clean out the garage, the attic or the basemen etc and have a garage sale (you’ll free up space and make a bit of cash while you’re at it!)
9.Organize your closet
10.Go to the gym for a workout
11.Swim
12.Enroll for a social dancing class. Jive, waltz, Salsa
13. Plant flowers. If you don’t have anywhere to plant them outdoors, plant them in a pot indoors instead.
14.Go to your nearest hiking trail and go for a hike
15.Clean the trash out of the car, wipe down that dusty dashboard. Wash the car!

Creative activities to keep you busy after a break up

16.Create a comic book (where your Ex can have any face you want!)
17.Find a new project/hobby (I started blogging! Ha ha) Cook, bake – find some new recipes and try them out
18.Redecorate your bedroom
19.Learn to play a musical instrument (self learn the guitar, piano etc)

Self improvement activities to keep you busy after a break up

20.Learn a new language
21.Enroll in a class that might further your career
22.Read good book on what men want from women (no… not that!)!
23.Read one of the best books on getting over a breakup Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

General activities to keep you busy after a break up

24.Catalog your books/DVDs etc (I came across a blog post How To De-Junk A DVD Collection. It was very useful)
25.Organize your iTunes library, create some new playlists
26.Join an online forum and contribute
27.Call a friend and catch up
28.Get an extra job
29.Volunteer for cause you believe in (this really helped me feel good about myself)
30.Take a bubble bath
31.Plan a party (warning: don’t invite your ex)
32.Go to a beauty salon and get a makeover
33.Make a to-do list for the rest of the week.
34.Babysit for a friend (toddlers have a funny way of erasing your troubles, even if it’s for a while)
35.Get rid of 5 things you never wear to make room for your next shopping trip.
36.File away any loose papers and pay bills.
37.Do a crossword, sudoku, riddles or trivia to make yourself even smarter.
38.Chat. Use a chat program to chat randomly with strangers.

How about you? How have you kept yourself busy after your breakup? Any ideas you can add to this list, and share with others?