After consuming way too much alcohol, she asked me,

Persha, what hurts more? Being dumped for someone younger, prettier or just getting dumped for other reasons?

Even after several tequila shots, I couldn’t answer that one!

I have been dumped many times but I was never dumped for someone else. Lisa’s question seemed glued to my mind and when “clarity” state of mind arrived the following morning, I felt I should blog about it!
So, here’s my take on this…

• Getting dumped for someone else.. well it might be a big blow on the ego. You naturally, tend to feel that you were not good enough; or that there was something wrong with you that made your partner leave.




• Given the nature of my break ups, I think it would have been easier for me to accept being dumped for someone else than being dumped for no one. I’m thinking it might reduce all the why me, what if and all the activity that went on in my mind when I didn’t know the “actual” reason I got dumped!




• Getting dumped for whatever reason hurts; the hurt and pain would vary based on how much you loved your partner and how much you’ve invested or scarified to make things work. When you are at the receiving end of being dumped, the reason for the break up might not be the reason you are willing to accept.

When we are trying to sort out the irreconcilable differences and rationalize the irrational, “The grass” no matter, how twisted, may look greener on the “other side”. Either way it hurts…

So what do you think? Does getting dumped for someone else hurt less, than being dumped for no one?

There are a few things you can do, to coping with loneliness easier. This I say with my own experience of getting over my ex. Here is my take on coping with loneliness…

1. Keep yourself Busy

The best way to cope with loneliness is simply to keep busy. Do those things that you love to do and enjoy doing. Learning is the best way to keep from being lonely. Find something to do that you find enjoyable like a sport or a game or hobby. Reading books that are interesting will help you forget the passage of time.

2. Get out of the house!

Don’t just sit around the house moping while the take-out boxes pile up around the house. You need stimulation to get over a breakup. Go out! See a movie, go shopping, eat out with some friends, go to a salon, gym or go for a walk. Anything that lets you look at something besides the same four walls is good.

3. Volunteer – Help someone else

One of the best ways to feel good is to help someone else in need. When you realize that there are so many others who are going through a much tougher time, it makes you privileged.

4. Think positive

After a break up you feel sad and lonely; You just want be left alone to cuddle up and weep. Then there are a few people who are just filled with anger and want to ruin lives; both are equally horrible.

It is simply a matter of changing your perspective and believing in yourself. You are lovable and deserved to be loved in the best way possible.

You have to make yourself happy to fight with loneliness, unless you are happy within yourself nobody can make you happy. Just remember even if you don’t have anyone that cares about you, you can always meet someone. I hope things work out for you.

Side Note: I am taking a break on break up advice today and writing post which is a rambling about me. I thought it might be a good way to end this year!

A few years ago I was in love with someone, who not only broke my heart, but also broke my essence! It took everything in me, even just to have a shred of thought of getting over him. I never thought I’d see the day, but eventually, I did move on after getting dumped. While I am all “patched up” and happy that I have gotten to this stage in my life (where I don’t at all think about him in any way!), the experience I had has left several scars in me. Sadly, I think it affects my current moment, as well as the future!

Wasted precious years of my life!

This is one of the things I regret most about my life. I just turned 30 this month, and looking back I feel I wasted years of my life wallowing on someone who did not want me! At the time, I was naive to realize that I shouldn’t cry over someone who won’t cry over me. But then, better late than never huh?

Lack of Self Confidence

For a long time after being dumped, I kept asking myself, “why wasn’t I good enough for him”, why couldn’t I make him happy etc. Later, I realized that I should not tie up my sense of self with another person’s estimate of my physical attractiveness. But this is easier said than done. Even now, when I find myself faced with rejection by a casual date, I can’t help but wonder…

Issues trusting people

My ex usually said one thing, meant another and did something entirely different. I was blinded by love to see what was happening. So I still have issues trusting people; knowing whether “this is actually what it is”. Does that make sense?

Lost hope of “happily ever after”

I was a girl that was waiting for Prince Charming to come in and sweep me off my feet. I thought it happened and I was holding on to that dream without letting go. Being dumped taught me to think more rationally. I remind myself that when it comes to matters of the heart, not to rely on the idea that happily ever after exists. I don’t know whether this is good or bad, or whether I am being overly negative due to the things that I have gone through.

Looking for someone who is very “similar” to my ex

Yes, I am single. But it’s not because I don’t want to be in a relationship. I tried to throw myself back out into the dating pool. However, I find myself comparing the men I would date to my ex. There were some qualities in my ex that I liked; it is probably for those reasons that I fell in love with him in the first place! Having had “that” once, I don’t want to “settle for less”.

Have become “feelingless”

I get the feeling that I am unconsciously avoiding being in a relationship, mainly because I felt like SH** when he dumped me , I don’t want to go through that again. I know I am being pessimistic here and not every relationship is doomed. But nevertheless, I tend to not want to care for someone as much as I did before. Does that make me “feelingless” ?

At the moment, I don’t know how I plan to sort these issues out. I will do some reading on these topics, try to apply them to my life, wise-up and promise to post what I learn in Dumped Days. Stay tuned!

Related Posts

• 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up
• Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End
• Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex : 6 Effective Ways To Help You Stay Off The Phone!
• It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken (Book Review)
• Getting Dumped: 6 Break Up Lines I am Tired Of Hearing

1. Accepting your break up for what it is

Going through a break up can be extremely difficult especially during Christmas holidays, and if your partner ended the relationship before you wanted it to be over, it’s even more hurtful. Perhaps, you were even planning a Christmas with him or her. Suddenly you find it very difficult to let go of all the expectations you had for the future for the two of you, as a couple.

For more elaborate details on this read one of my previous posts After Being Dumped Force Yourself To Accept It.

2. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

Yes, it may be easier to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling the entire day and eat only ice cream until you run out of it. Indeed, it is part of the process in surviving being dumped, but don’t let this prolong for days. You need to cry, feel sorry for yourself, feel the pain and be sad, but not every day!

So make an effort to get out of the bed, shower, and figure out how you want to spend the Christmas holidays. During Christmas there are many opportunities for you to volunteer for certain things; serving food at a homeless shelter, participating in a Christmas choir etc. You will feel good that you are doing some good for someone else. Sometimes, you problems seem like nothing when you see the suffering other people go through.

3. Surround yourself with family and friends

You should not spend too much time alone over the Christmas holidays. I understand that coping with grief is an individual process and you want to be alone as you deal with your loss but I just hope you spend some time with others.

4. Establish new Christmas traditions

May be there were a “ritual” of things that you did with your former partner during the Christmas holidays. As each day pass by you might reminisce about such times and feel really sad.
Start some new tradition of your own and include other family member if they are around.

5. Make a clean break

Cut all contact with your ex during the Christmas holidays. Don’t call, don’t meet for coffee or visit each other!
This is the thing I found the most hardest of all. All I can say is try to Forget Your Ex When EVERYTHING Around Reminds You Of Your Ex, and Resist The Urge To Call Your Ex.

Related Posts

• I Just Got Dumped: Surviving The First Day After A Break Up
• 38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up
• Why Are You Still Single? Replies Single People Can Give To Ease Yourself Out Of Such Nosy Questions
• Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

• Be thankful that you don’t have to go through any more compromises (for the moment!)
• Be thankful that you can now immerse yourself in something that you always wanted to do but never had the time to do
• Be thankful for the experience you went/going through
• Be thankful that you got dumped now, than later! (the longer the two of you are together the pain of of breaking up would have been more!)
• Be thankful that there will be no fights over whose folks we spend Thanksgiving with!
• Be thankful that you are no longer with him/her…there is something better out there for you.
• Be thankful  -You are stronger already, even if you don’t know it yet.

Related Posts

On Being Dumped: Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You
Why Are You Still Single? Replies Single People Can Give To Ease Yourself Out Of Such Nosy Questions
Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End
Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men Avoiding the Wrong Ones (If only it was that easy!)

I got dumped; Is it my fault

1. You gave away your trust easily

2. Your expectations were too high

3. There was no commitment on your part

4. You were too busy

5. Your partner gets bored of you, and doesn’t find you challenging

6. Lack of communication

7. You were too “clingy”

8. Bad habits are frequently displayed

9. You forced your partner into a relationship when he/she didn’t want one

10. You were too controlling

11. You deceived your partner

12. You are always very negative

13. You went into the relationship for the wrong reasons

Any of these sounds familiar?

Related Posts

• Be The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave, yeah right!

• Getting Dumped: 6 Break Up Lines I am Tired Of Hearing

• On Being Dumped: Don’t Cry Over Someone Who Won’t Cry Over You

• Getting Dumped : Lessons Learned From The Men Who Dumped Me

• Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat

Being dumped is the worst feeling ever

Being Dumped : The realization that it ends here

You had a lifetime of activities planned and your loving partner was a major part in this future script. Then to suddenly realize that you have been dumped…, it’s like the carpet you standing on is pulled right-out from underneath. Your life as you knew it doesn’t exist anymore, and it feels like a part of you is missing. Sometimes you feel like you’ll never be happy again.

Being Dumped : The worst part of the end of a relationship can be the lack of one

When you are in a relationship, you tend to give a lot of the “me” activities you enjoy in favor of the “we” activities that you could do as a couple. Gradually, you begin to enjoy and the things you’ll do together becomes a routine. When a relationship ends, sometimes it feels like you need to adjust your routine as well.
For example, my boyfriend (now ex!) and I used to go running every week-end morning. After we broke up, I still wanted to continue my running, but the very activity reminded me of him.
Another thing that made me miserable was coming home to an empty house after work; missing the affectionate words I used to hear all the time… yes, I missed him all over again!

Being Dumped : The Fear

You will find yourself facing two very real fears.
1) The fear that you will never recover from this pain
2) The fear that no one will ever love you again.

Being Dumped : The wounded ago

The lousiest feeling in the world is when you love someone so deeply and intimately that it suddenly ends with rejection by our partner. Finding out that they do not return the love and emotion that you have for them is one of the worst feelings there is.

Have you ever been dumped? What’s the worst feeling you experienced about being dumped?

Being Dumped The Truth

Being dumped ……ever feel like your entire world has just turned upside down? Feel like dying?

During the first few days after being dumped, I felt everything…. shock, anger, rejection, resentment, self pity, revenge, pride, despair, loneness, sadness, guilt and fear. I found it impossible to get out of bed; my body ached and I had a strong desire to sleep for the next 100 years!

While there have been many break ups in my life, the one that left me totally devastated happened about 2 years ago (2 years, 3 months & 12 days to be exact! Glory details of the break up will follow in another post, stay tuned!) The fact that I am here, writing this.. yes, I did get out of bed at some point.

Being dumped: The Truth

Learning how to get over a break up is never easy

Just because you have been through a similar situation doesn’t necessarily mean it will be less painful, the next time a break up happens. Even if you have been dumped n times, each time it will feel like the first time.

Being dumped: The Half Truth

Depending on how much you love(d) the person, the length of the relationship etc. the pain can make you numb. At the end of the day, you have to deal with the pain, and learn to get on with your life. No one else can do that for you.

“If it doesn`t kill you, it will only make you stronger.”

Being dumped: Nothing Like The Truth

Endless conversations with close friends, relationship experts, books and advice columns…They all tell you the same darn thing:

It takes time to get over it!

It certainly does, but that’s probably the last thing you want to hear when you are going through a break up; and happiness doesn’t even seem to be in your radar. I know the biggest revenge is to just be happy—and I am! With each day that becomes closer and closer to enough. If you have any shortcuts to speed up the recovery process after being dumped, leave a comment below. I’m all ears!