Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex After Being Dumped?

August 28, 2012 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Being Dumped

If he dumps you and wants to be “just” friends, what does it really mean?

1. He is just being nice


For some Godforsaken reason guys think saying “let’s just be friends” is a gentler way to dump someone!
May be they feel guilty about hurting you. Perhaps, they think that “staying friends” will make up for it.

Here’s a few lines I’ve heard,
“You are one of the nicest person’s I’ve met. I’d like to stay friends with you”
(In my mind, I was like, if I was the nicest person, why not date me!!!!)

2.He is lonely and needs a friend


Sometimes, when a relationship grows may be the friendship also got stronger. You end up being each other’s friend.

3.He can’t do without you (he like you but for some reason doesn’t want the relationship)


During one of my break ups, I thought the last most one. (Anyone who get dumped and has feeling for the other, would probably think the same? ) I didn’t want to accept that it was a different reason.
I took his calls. We went on “friend dates” like movies etc .

Honestly, I thought he would change his mind and we would date again.
But that never happened. In the end, I was more hurt even more than the “actual” dumping because I had more expectations of our friendship.

What I didn’t know then about being friends with my ex

Looking back at the whole situation in a more “mature” adult manner, that I had the choice on whether I wanted to be his friend or not.

Do you know why your ex wants to be friends with you?

You really really need to figure that out before you agree to be friends with your ex.
Often, we want to be friends because we hope that it will lead to something more later on. Perhaps he will change his mind.

While there’s so much debate on whether you can actually befriends after being dumped, my opinion is that you can’t be “just friends” with someone who have feeling for. (that’s my opinion, what’s yours? Leave a comment below)

If you cover up your true emotions and pretend to enjoy your ex’s company, it’s a road that might lead to more hurt that you could imagine.

It gradually kills you inside because you are hoping, of all hopes that it will happen one day. But in essence it doesn’t. It hurts more to realize that he has move on, worst yet to hear about him talk about the new love he found!

dumped breakup reversed

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Comments

4 Responses to “Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex After Being Dumped?”
  1. ben judilla says:

    he/she is just being nice but the friendship is not what you really want, you have to move on and let other’s have a chance, it hurts but you have to let go of that feeling, the more you friends with your ex the more your getting hurt, you don’t want to be a rebound every time there’s problem, think about this you don’t want to know every detail what happen to your ex, you have a life used it and be happy.

  2. roseann says:

    On reflection it is better to make a clean break and wish had because it is less painful

  3. Aching says:

    This relationship was “IT” for me. He was my Mr. Right. He was my Knight in Shining Armour. I gave him everything I was- for 14 years. Then he decided he was not capable of loving ME the same way… especially since I had aged 14 years and had gained 30 pounds… you know, all the perfectly awesome reasons to end a relationship with the one person on the planet who loves you with all her heart and soul. No big deal. (rolls eyes)
    But, we had such a strong connection, he didn’t want to lose me “completely.” So we decided to remain friends.
    It’s very difficult to be friends with someone you cannot simply fall OUT of love with. That person had a REASON for dumping you. He’s ready to move on with his life. Your life, on the other hand, feels like it has just ended.
    I tried the “friend” thing for almost a year and, to be honest, I couldn’t decide if the pain it caused was worth not “completely” losing him.
    Until he began his next serious relationship. And I felt EXACTLY like I did when he first dumped me. That’s when I realized I had been holding onto that friendship in the hopes he would “come to his senses” and come back to me. That was quite a shock to my system.
    I broke off the friendship. And I strongly advise anyone else in this situation not to try the “friends” route in the first place. You don’t have to HATE each other, you can maintain some minimum contact- but I do not believe it’s possible to get past the love when you continue sharing so much with the other person. Nip it in the bud. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt. But it ALREADY hurts- and holding on to him is just gonna prolong that pain.

  4. Wendy says:

    I think it depends on the circumstances of the breakup, frankly. I had a mutual breakup with a boyfriend 10 years ago with whom I am still very close with, friendwise. Our relationship has morphed into a great plutonic friendship. Recently, my boyfriend broke up with me. When he did, it was ME who said, “Can we be friends.” He said yes. Am I ready to go out and have a beer with the guy? No. Will I ever be? I don’t know, honestly, but I think with the knowledge that our relationship wasn’t meant to be (meaning I accept the breakup), I can move in the friendship direction eventually.

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