Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt
August 31, 2010 by Persha Davis
Filed under Break up recovery
I’ve had my share of breakup pain. I know for a fact that breakup pain is one of the worst kinds of pain one can ever experience! Most often, you can’t stop feeling sad and the entire world seems like it’s been ripped apart; just waking up each day seems almost too much. Honestly, nothing feels the same without your significant other.
You must help yourself to get over the breakup pain as early as possible; watching television for hours over a gallon of ice cream isn’t going to help you with that. You can pull yourself out of this hell-hole and it won’t be long before you’re the one in charge of your own happiness.
breakup pain feeling sad hurt
Accept your pain
You feel like you’ve messed up; you feel alone; you feel sorry for yourself and the hurt can’t be described in words. I know; I’ve been there. While all the well-meant break up advice will tell you to let go and move on.
My advice, have your good long cries if you feel like it. It’s ok to wallow on the breakup for a while. It’s part of the natural process. However, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that the breakup is not all one sided.
Give your mind a break
Why did i get dumped? why did we break up? why, oh, why…
Going over and over what went wrong and why things went wrong is not going to get you anywhere. Honestly, most breakups are complicated and there might not be a “right” answer here and there might never be an answer that you can be satisfied with. In the process you might either realize how wrong you were or how wrong your ex was which will make you even more depressed and will also make you hurt more.
Forget the painful memories
There are moments when you hear a special songs or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up.
I would strongly recommend you to read one of my previous posts,
How To Forget Your Ex When EVERYTHING Around Reminds You Of Your Ex
Get out of your home
It’s easy to lay around on your in bed pining over your lost love, but it’s not going to get you anywhere.
Surrounding yourself with people that care about you is good. Of course, you will need to pick the “right” type of friends and family to hang out with. However, well meant, you don’t want them asking you, “how are you feeling” every few minutes! Go out, and have a good time in spite of your hurt. You’ll probably have to force it to begin with, but you’ll be surprised how quickly you start to have fun.
Keep yourself occupied
Take all the negative energy inside you and direct it somewhere else! I prefer to work out, swim play a game or two of badminton etc.
If you are out of ideas on what to do read,
38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up
Think positively
Dwelling in the past and ruminate ruminating over things how could of or should have been is not productive. No matter how much you may want to you cannot go into the past and change things. So focus on the present moment.
Final words…
I’m so sorry this happened to you, heartache happens to the best of us. Truth of the matter is, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, you will grow from this. There’s no easy way to stop feeling hurt, and no easy way to “deal” with the breakup pain. You have to make an effort to consciously distract yourself with more worthwhile things to do. It may hurt for a long time, it may hurt forever, but I promise, it will over time hurt less and less.
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it
This article is just what i need, thank you.
good!!! thanks for your sharing
I’m in the middle of exam season and still trying to get over being dumped by my girlfriend…
Thing is I saw it coming and actually thought of ending things myself earlier in the relationship, but for some reason I just cannot get over this… I can’t get out and do much because of all the study, but when I try to concentrate my mind takes me straight back to all the good times. It’s getting to the point where I’m actually looking at strategies to try and win her back online instead of studying. I know rationally that this relationship wasn’t going to last the distance and that if she didn’t end it, I probably would have. But now… now it just seems like the reasons for our breakup were so trivial short-sighted and unnecessary. Now all I can think about is how empty I feel without her. Rationally I can manage to sometimes take a step back and realise the positives while also understanding my own reasons for being apprehensive with her, but there is such a strong disconnect between my mind and my heart that it’s as though my logical faculties are completely useless…
I can check off every item on every online list about what to do to move on after a break up. I have lots of friends and a great family to spend time with. When they are busy I have enough confidence that I can go out and do things by myself like go to the movies or get some dinner. I read, run, hike, write, play and even laugh. I have a rewarding career. I am a good person and I know that I have so much to give. I make others laugh and I am a kind and supportive friend and I like to think that I am really good mother. On the outside I have it all together, but on the inside I am empty. I am a shell of who I once was. It is all so meaningless when the right person isn’t there to share it all. He is the only thing missing in my life and his absence makes everything else feel meaningless and empty. I know that is an unhealthy way to think about one person, but it is how I feel. I am old enough to have lived through several relationships and the break ups that went with them. Why is this one so much harder?
This is a great post. I’m going through a break-up and reading this article made me feel better. Like I’m not alone.
thanks for the article
it help me to get better.
right now i just want to get out there and have fun to forget all the pain.
My girlfriend that I had been with for over 4 years and was going to propose to next year broke up with me last night. She had been cheating on me with another man for over 3 months now. This really helps that there is site like this around.
Thank you so much for posting this. Some how reading about what to do helps me feel a little stronger. It feels good that someone can understand my hurt.
I’m so sad. Because of some reasons, I said goodbye to him, but I still love him so much
I’m replying to Citrus’ post from April 2011. Just found this site. I can relate so much to what you posted, it’s uncanny. I can’t understand why I’m taking this so hard. I can’t understand why all the wonderful things I have in my life don’t have any meaning without him. It makes me angry and so sad. I have the great job, the beautiful home, the good education, money in the bank, great friends and family who have been there for me during this breakup (our second). Why do I feel like such a failure? Why do I have so much of my self-esteem poured into making this relationship work? Why does this breakup make me feel so worthless, like I’ll never be happy or love or be loved again? I can’t understand it, and I wish I could. I, too, have had breakups before, including one with him that was devastatingly painful. But I never felt broken before. I never felt that life wasn’t worth living. This time, I do. It’s still raw, i know, and everyone says that time will help, will heal, will soothe. In my darkness, I can’t see when that will happen. I know in my head that even if he did call and come back begging, my trust in him is shattered. But in my heart, I want to hear his voice, feel his hug, know he’s there. Maybe that’s the hardest part – living life without the comfort of his presence. I just wish I could see past the blackness I’m in right now.
Hi Vanessa, I feel exactly how you do. People say move on, time will heal blah blah but I really don’t feel that way. I miss him so much. We were together 6.5 years. I always wanted to get married to him have kids when we were around 30 (now we are both 29) but thats not going to happen.I moved to his country for him, gave up everything and now hes gone but I’m still here in his country (own apartment now) I have an excellent job and good friends but everything just reminds me of him and my life here feels so empty. I can fothe things to fill the void but I’m afraid I will find someone else and maybe get married have kids but never really truly love them as much as I loved him. That scares me to death.We fought a lot for various reasons.. And he just gave up in the end – said he was done with it all. He says he still loves me cares about me.. Im A great person, smart, the best looking girl he has ever been with and probably ever will but he can’t be with me as he is too emotionally drained from the fighting and drama. We did have v bad fights btw. I was overly dramatic and emotional in rows which scared him. But I just felt so frustrated with our situation. He has gone no contact on me won’t answer texts or phone calls. All I can do is think of him even when I’m at work or out and about with friends – feel so pathetic. I don’t know how I’m ever going to move on and get over this. It could take years and I don’t feel I have years esp if I want to have children. I wish I didn’t make all those stupid mistakes in the relationship.. I ruined everything with my madness and now I have lost everything. I miss him so much and he doesn’t even want to know me now. It’s so difficult.
Responding to Vanessa from April 2012. Your post sounds just like my situation. It’s been a month since your post…how are you doing? I need hope that this will get better.