Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt

August 31, 2010 by Persha Davis  
Filed under Break up recovery

I’ve had my share of breakup pain. I know for a fact that breakup pain is one of the worst kinds of pain one can ever experience! Most often, you can’t stop feeling sad and the entire world seems like it’s been ripped apart; just waking up each day seems almost too much. Honestly, nothing feels the same without your significant other.

You must help yourself to get over the breakup pain as early as possible; watching television for hours over a gallon of ice cream isn’t going to help you with that. You can pull yourself out of this hell-hole and it won’t be long before you’re the one in charge of your own happiness.

breakup pain feeling sad hurt

breakup pain feeling sad hurt

Accept your pain

You feel like you’ve messed up; you feel alone; you feel sorry for yourself and the hurt can’t be described in words. I know; I’ve been there. While all the well-meant break up advice will tell you to let go and move on.

My advice, have your good long cries if you feel like it. It’s ok to wallow on the breakup for a while. It’s part of the natural process. However, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that the breakup is not all one sided.

Give your mind a break

Why did i get dumped? why did we break up? why, oh, why…
Going over and over what went wrong and why things went wrong is not going to get you anywhere. Honestly, most breakups are complicated and there might not be a “right” answer here and there might never be an answer that you can be satisfied with. In the process you might either realize how wrong you were or how wrong your ex was which will make you even more depressed and will also make you hurt more.

Forget the painful memories

There are moments when you hear a special songs or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up.
I would strongly recommend you to read one of my previous posts,
How To Forget Your Ex When EVERYTHING Around Reminds You Of Your Ex

Get out of your home

It’s easy to lay around on your in bed pining over your lost love, but it’s not going to get you anywhere.
Surrounding yourself with people that care about you is good. Of course, you will need to pick the “right” type of friends and family to hang out with. However, well meant, you don’t want them asking you, “how are you feeling” every few minutes! Go out, and have a good time in spite of your hurt. You’ll probably have to force it to begin with, but you’ll be surprised how quickly you start to have fun.

Keep yourself occupied

Take all the negative energy inside you and direct it somewhere else! I prefer to work out, swim play a game or two of badminton etc.

If you are out of ideas on what to do read,
38 Ways To Keep Busy After A Break Up

Think positively

Dwelling in the past and ruminate ruminating over things how could of or should have been is not productive. No matter how much you may want to you cannot go into the past and change things. So focus on the present moment.

Final words…

I’m so sorry this happened to you, heartache happens to the best of us. Truth of the matter is, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, you will grow from this. There’s no easy way to stop feeling hurt, and no easy way to “deal” with the breakup pain. You have to make an effort to consciously distract yourself with more worthwhile things to do. It may hurt for a long time, it may hurt forever, but I promise, it will over time hurt less and less.

dumped breakup reversed

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Comments

39 Responses to “Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt”
  1. Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

  2. pharmatex says:

    This article is just what i need, thank you.

  3. bagsok says:

    good!!! thanks for your sharing

  4. Dan says:

    I’m in the middle of exam season and still trying to get over being dumped by my girlfriend…
    Thing is I saw it coming and actually thought of ending things myself earlier in the relationship, but for some reason I just cannot get over this… I can’t get out and do much because of all the study, but when I try to concentrate my mind takes me straight back to all the good times. It’s getting to the point where I’m actually looking at strategies to try and win her back online instead of studying. I know rationally that this relationship wasn’t going to last the distance and that if she didn’t end it, I probably would have. But now… now it just seems like the reasons for our breakup were so trivial short-sighted and unnecessary. Now all I can think about is how empty I feel without her. Rationally I can manage to sometimes take a step back and realise the positives while also understanding my own reasons for being apprehensive with her, but there is such a strong disconnect between my mind and my heart that it’s as though my logical faculties are completely useless…

  5. Citrus says:

    I can check off every item on every online list about what to do to move on after a break up. I have lots of friends and a great family to spend time with. When they are busy I have enough confidence that I can go out and do things by myself like go to the movies or get some dinner. I read, run, hike, write, play and even laugh. I have a rewarding career. I am a good person and I know that I have so much to give. I make others laugh and I am a kind and supportive friend and I like to think that I am really good mother. On the outside I have it all together, but on the inside I am empty. I am a shell of who I once was. It is all so meaningless when the right person isn’t there to share it all. He is the only thing missing in my life and his absence makes everything else feel meaningless and empty. I know that is an unhealthy way to think about one person, but it is how I feel. I am old enough to have lived through several relationships and the break ups that went with them. Why is this one so much harder?

  6. Sam says:

    This is a great post. I’m going through a break-up and reading this article made me feel better. Like I’m not alone.

  7. areen says:

    thanks for the article :) it help me to get better.
    right now i just want to get out there and have fun to forget all the pain.

  8. Donavan says:

    My girlfriend that I had been with for over 4 years and was going to propose to next year broke up with me last night. She had been cheating on me with another man for over 3 months now. This really helps that there is site like this around.

  9. Alyssa says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. Some how reading about what to do helps me feel a little stronger. It feels good that someone can understand my hurt.

  10. Lily says:

    I’m so sad. Because of some reasons, I said goodbye to him, but I still love him so much

  11. Vanessa says:

    I’m replying to Citrus’ post from April 2011. Just found this site. I can relate so much to what you posted, it’s uncanny. I can’t understand why I’m taking this so hard. I can’t understand why all the wonderful things I have in my life don’t have any meaning without him. It makes me angry and so sad. I have the great job, the beautiful home, the good education, money in the bank, great friends and family who have been there for me during this breakup (our second). Why do I feel like such a failure? Why do I have so much of my self-esteem poured into making this relationship work? Why does this breakup make me feel so worthless, like I’ll never be happy or love or be loved again? I can’t understand it, and I wish I could. I, too, have had breakups before, including one with him that was devastatingly painful. But I never felt broken before. I never felt that life wasn’t worth living. This time, I do. It’s still raw, i know, and everyone says that time will help, will heal, will soothe. In my darkness, I can’t see when that will happen. I know in my head that even if he did call and come back begging, my trust in him is shattered. But in my heart, I want to hear his voice, feel his hug, know he’s there. Maybe that’s the hardest part – living life without the comfort of his presence. I just wish I could see past the blackness I’m in right now.

  12. Simone says:

    Hi Vanessa, I feel exactly how you do. People say move on, time will heal blah blah but I really don’t feel that way. I miss him so much. We were together 6.5 years. I always wanted to get married to him have kids when we were around 30 (now we are both 29) but thats not going to happen.I moved to his country for him, gave up everything and now hes gone but I’m still here in his country (own apartment now) I have an excellent job and good friends but everything just reminds me of him and my life here feels so empty. I can fothe things to fill the void but I’m afraid I will find someone else and maybe get married have kids but never really truly love them as much as I loved him. That scares me to death.We fought a lot for various reasons.. And he just gave up in the end – said he was done with it all. He says he still loves me cares about me.. Im A great person, smart, the best looking girl he has ever been with and probably ever will but he can’t be with me as he is too emotionally drained from the fighting and drama. We did have v bad fights btw. I was overly dramatic and emotional in rows which scared him. But I just felt so frustrated with our situation. He has gone no contact on me won’t answer texts or phone calls. All I can do is think of him even when I’m at work or out and about with friends – feel so pathetic. I don’t know how I’m ever going to move on and get over this. It could take years and I don’t feel I have years esp if I want to have children. I wish I didn’t make all those stupid mistakes in the relationship.. I ruined everything with my madness and now I have lost everything. I miss him so much and he doesn’t even want to know me now. It’s so difficult. :(

  13. Sarah says:

    Responding to Vanessa from April 2012. Your post sounds just like my situation. It’s been a month since your post…how are you doing? I need hope that this will get better.

  14. Vanessa says:

    Hi Sarah and Simone. I’m doing better than I was, but it still hurts. For some reason, tonight is so lonely and painful. I suppose it’s the proximity of Father’s Day. We didn’t have children together, but he had two sons of his own and I had cherished a dream of us all being a family unit of some kind. I just miss him. It doesn’t ever go away. I distract myself with friends, with walking, with all sorts of things. That intense, devastating pain is faded somewhat, but I still miss him and am torn between that loneliness of missing him and all this anger. I suppose it’s the normal grieving stages. It’s very hard to let go of someone I’ve loved for so long, and it’s hard to let go of the dream that I had of our life together. I just feel hopeless, like I will be alone the rest of my life and will never love again. I hate that feeling, but I can’t seem to shake it. I just see my life stretching ahead of me, empty. So I guess I’m better in some respects, and worse in others. How are you guys doing? Sending love and light to you. Vanessa

  15. Nicole says:

    Hi Vanessa, my ex broke up with me about a month ago and I feel the same way you do. I miss him and think about him everyday and it kills me inside to know he might never call me again or I’ll never see him again. He dumped me so I would not contact him and I don’t think he will contact me againg since he ignored a few of my calls and texts. I’m afraid I might never love or find somebody again, the worst is that most of the people I know are happy getting married and having kids, I terribly miss him.

  16. Julia says:

    hello vanessa and nicole,

    I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I was in your shoes about a year ago when my ex broke up with me in a three year relationship and he was my first bf also. It felt like the world ended for me. But trust me, it will get better in time. now, i am happy and i didnt think it was possible a year ago after the breakup. you will find love and happiness again. stay strong, set new goals and always keep improving yourself.

  17. Julia says:

    Also, please DO NOT contact your ex. I made that mistake and i wish i didnt. you will just look crazy and desperate to him if u keep contacting him and it will not change anything. ladies, you have to understand how a guy’s mind works…it’s like a “switch” and there is no turning back. he thought about the breakup before he broke the news to you so he has his made up already.

    Yes, u have many good memories with him and its hard to forget but honestly, its not the same anymore and he is not the same person you once loved. Try to let go cause you deserve someone who truly loves you and who will not break your heart. Now go pretty yourself up and go out!

  18. aditi rao says:

    i m so depressed after ma brkup…i feel lyk cryng each n othr moment,,,evry mrng i promise maself not to think abut dat guy …bt i cnt able to forgt him,,,i tried ma best bt i failed evrytime.he ditched me,we were in a long distance relationshp n dat make me insecured evrytym bt he promised me,he wil nvr evr betray me,bt he did…i tried to col him many tyms bt i gt no response,its almst 3 mthns bt still i mis him evrytym :’(

  19. luis says:

    well i just got thru a breakup and i still loved this girl and i feel bad.for all the thing i did and just resently she told me she dosnt love me anymore after 4 months after we break up she told me that i acted like it didnt bother me but that day i cryed .thinking that out of all my life she was the only girl that actully was nice,beautiful,funny and loved i still love her but shes moving on i just hate to wake up and see her every day and not be able to hug her or kiss her i just wish i could go back in time i hate going every day just thinking of her she probally dosnt think of me. i just want to stop feeling this way.

  20. Rob says:

    Hi Vanessa. Thank you for your posts. In your situation, I am the guy. I am the one who has lost all trust (not due to infadelity), and is the 2nd break up as well. I am devistated. Pain is exactly how you worded it. How are things now, almost 6 months later? Hope to hear from you. Thanks again for sharing.

  21. ismail sanfaz says:

    thank you i needed to hear and read that.

  22. Mary says:

    Roughly about a month and a half ago, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I cheated on him. In my eyes, the actual cheating wasn’t that extreme, it was never further than a long kiss. But cheating is cheating and I told him the next day because I couldn’t bare the guilt. My ex boyfriend was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He saved me from depression and uplifted my spirits after my 20 year old Marine brother committed suicide. At that moment, I didn’t think moving on after a death in the family was even possible. But eventually, with the aid of my family, friends, and my (ex) boyfriend, I pushed through and started acting like my old humorous self who loves life. That was back in 2009, it is currently 2012 and I now am recovering from another very, very hard loss. I constantly flashback to the night I decided to go out with another guy for a few hours. It was the most regretful night I have had yet.. I always work little scenarios in my head of how I could have changed the hook up from happening, but you can’t change the past…no matter what one says or does. In that sense, I feel utterly useless. My sister and mother and been very supportive in numerous ways. I would not physically be here if it weren’t for my family. In late September, I attempted suicide. All on behalf of my pure and extreme sadness on top of it being the month my brother died 3 years ago. It was all too traumatic for me because I had external issues to deal with as well such as school. I felt hopeless, and a month later, I still do. I’m currently laying in my bed which I have been since 7 am with the excuse of showering and eating. I don’t know what to do with my life, now. I deleted my social networking sites to eliminate myself from seeing my ex in pictures and tweet updates. I have found a sense of peace keeping myself away from him. But the thing is, I always find myself reminiscing the good ol days, those specific days where I felt unending happiness. We shared so many little jokes and shared a best-friendship on top of a love relationship. On top of losing a lover, I lost a friend. It hurts not having someone constantly texting you, no hugs, no jokes shared. I’m all on my own and frankly I’ve found myself going nowhere. I am depressed, I know that for a fact and no matter what I try, nothing is helping. I try everyday to face the world and distract myself but as I said before, my mind backtracks to the happy days of love and laughter. I’m trapped and have found no comfort or aid in my breaking hard. Life isn’t fair, to this day, even though it’s only been a month, I regret it fully. I’ve tried to get him back, I spent a week and have given up because he wants nothing to do with me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve done all I can do, and I still miss him…everyday.

  23. priya says:

    breakups are really painful…i met a guy on a social networking site one and half hear back…when i talked to him first tym i felt like i was talking to a old best frnd…he was very nice..he also felt gud…later, i talked to him every night..the more i talked to him the more i liked him…soon, i started falling for him…i realized that he also felt same for me…after two months of our frndship i gathered courage a day and expressed my feeling to him, he was so happy that day..i thought i had choosen a right guy for myself…later we started talking on fone..after two more months he came to meet me on..it was my birthday that day..i was very happy as i was about to meet the guy i loved for first tym…but soon, everything, my every dream just broke down…when i met him i found him totally different…he was a clever boy…i realized he did nt love me, he was just using me…i decided to broke up wid him, but cud nt do tht…afterall i luvd him…but he left me…i begged him to stay but he did nt listen to me..i cried a lot for him…there were tymes whn i wanted 2 kill myself..it was so hard to leave widout him..but i was nt so weak…6 months later he msgd me and waanted to cum back, i forgived him..but he lied to me agn, went disappear after 10 days…again after 2 months msgd and agn desired 2 cum back, i agn forgived him…but his friends told that he was hvng another gf…agn a day he stopped talking 2 me…its been 3 months tht i hv nt talked to him…but its very hard 2 live widout him…i want him back..i cry for him everytym…i am strong enuff in my life..but whn it comes 2 him..i feel weak…i just want him back..what sud i do?…

  24. Michelle says:

    I feel like I am dead inside… I have been with my husband for 6 years and together 8 I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and he and I have one son who passed at birth and a daughter he denied because he was never hometo go to dr. Appts.. He actually asked me at 8 months pregnant to take a pregnancy test!! My tummy was huge and moved,I was shocked and still am by his disbelief. She was born on the 29th and is in the Nicu now… I was very sick and wasn’t able to work and on top of it all found out when when I was pregnant that I have thyroid cancer.. On the 27th my husband went behind my back calling my dr.s to ask ” questions” and the drs called me asking what the physco was doing?! I was so upset that he just didn’t trust me… He had no reason not to and it still confuses me. Well he is the only one working and when he decided to turn his back on our family he also drained the bank account and left me no money.. No way to get to my sick daughter who is over 100 miles away and food at our home… He will talk to me by email, but he has yet to ask me about the baby or how my health is and shows no concern for any of us.. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.., he wasn’t even with me when I had her… I am so confused and so hurt because I love him so very much.. Not a week before this all happened we were like kids again when we first started dating.. Tons of sex, closeness, cuddling, says I love you, playing and then BAM… I told him I was very upset he went behind my back the way he did with my drs and not trusting me.. I have been open and honest with him about everything! He has always as he says over thinks stuff and builds stuff up in his head and starts believing what he thinks.. I am so confused.. I sent him a email a few days ago and asked him if he wanted me to box his things up, and from what I got from his answer was he was kind of upset I asked… He hasn’t said he wants a divorce, but he hasn’t said much just turned his back on his family… I just have a feeling someone is getting his focus… I don’t window what to do… I don’t when what he is thinking… I know they say don’t contact them, but it’s hard as hell not to.. We were always close and this is such a shock… He will not even give me money for food to to see my baby in the Nicu! Please help me!

  25. Ana says:

    My boyfriend for 3 years wanted to break up with me last night. He told me that he’s just forcing himself to stay up in our relationship. I feel pity for myself. I always cry & beg for him not to break up with me. But last night, he just told me that we need to stop our relationship & everything between us. I don’t know what to do. He’s everything to me. He’s the love of my life. I love him so much & he hurts me like hell. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to move on with my life now. I feel so depressed. :’(

  26. Ana says:

    I gave him my very best but he’s still such an asshole. I always cried every day & night for almost a year. I am so tired of receiving this kind of pain but I cannot let him go. I love him so much! :’( It really hurts a lot for me that he seems not to care at my feelings at all. I always told him that I am very much hurting on being treated like that, but he just says that if I’m already tired, then he’s tired too, & then he always suggested for a break up. I don’t want to lose him, but I am hurting so much. Everyday is like a torture for me.

  27. Sydney says:

    Well people…I’ve been in a relationship for 18 years. We’ve been having problems, but Christmas was great and then all of a sudden I was accused of cheating. He has been going through my cell while I sleep..which is kinda weird..I don’t like that…AND LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR…I AM NOT CHEATING…never ever did and never would…he is wrong and he’s been accusing me of all kinds of things that I’m not doing. Yes I’m sad.., but I’m also scared and I feel lost…I’ve been with him for 18 years. Like a fool, in the beginning I was an independent single mom, I let him talk me into giving up my job, my own place…I have followed his lead, went to school got my degree and I followed his lead by working with him and doing what he wanted to do…I did get some job experience though…but still, I’m scared…he wants me to leave…I’ve never been in a situation where I had to leave…it use to be my place where I could tell them to leave and now I feel like I have to go out there and start all over…apartment, job, (I’ve been self employed as I work with him),. I feel like I want my own place, I feel like I don’t know myself anymore, like all these years I got swallowed up in this relationship…any advice guys?

  28. clara says:

    Am so excitd reading thro people’s comment.In my life had passd tro series of heart breaks.This last one is makin me ill.W’ve datd 4 2yearS WITout knwin he’s maried with 2 kids.I love dis guy wit all my heart. He promised to marry meDont cheat on him,no quarel,nothin.PLs i need an advice,am dyin.

  29. Im 2009 i got dovorced, i meet this girl she has no work and i gave her a chance but for some reqson she was all obbsessed aboutbmy xhusdand we shard two kide=s he wanted me to consult he on every disition i made we where not dating long so she left me did not fiind what see was lookimg for and came back i let her the all hell broke lose she broke all the things im my house laptopsntp car i had to fix ir all on my oown she has a girlfriend that she is goinng to biuld a life with and all i had she took and he laughs about it and said she used me and luughs about it how do i carrybon from this….

  30. Mike says:

    I broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago and things are not going well. I was mistreated throughout the entirety of the relationship and was betrayed by her twice with her ex. Everytime she would tell me that she promised to be better and be the woman I deserved. I wanted so badly to believe her. When we first met it was life altering. The person that I was, was no more. All I knew was what was in front of me and I couldn’t have been happier. I have been in quite a few relationships throughout my life and never once had I ever felt like this. I had bought a ring and was prepared to make this woman my queen for all eternity. But betrayal after betrayal and lie after lie I saw that raging flame get extinguished bit by bit. She finally went off on me for being too nice and that it wouldn’t last and that I have so many issues and just cut me down. She was looking for a fight but I had nothing, I was just hurt. I tried to keep working through it until a couple days later she belittled me again. After that it was like a switch was flipped and I could no longer deal with this relationship which was ruining me on the inside. I gave everything I had to try and make her happy and better our lives. From making breakfast every morning, to dinner every night, rebuilding her home, taking care of the bills… whatever it was I tried. Any issue she pointed out in me I changed. I felt that I did everything I could and yet it wasn’t enough, so I knew that this relationship was not healthy. I ended it and now I feel so lost. I feel like I let my soul mate get away and it’s heart wrenching. I have never valued someone’s thoughts and opinions so much before. I am being very active and visiting friends and getting closer with both my family and with God, but I still feel lost. I just wish there was someway to make some of this pain fade.

  31. leeanna says:

    I am not going through a break up, but I guess that could be what is next. My boyfriend and I have been going through some rough patches lately and he just said he is kind of tired of it, and isn’t sure if he’s in love with me anymore, and not sure if he wants to be with me anymore. He said he just needs some time to think. It’s hard for me because I love him so much and want to be with him. Of course we have our ups and downs, but we have had some great times as well. I want to work on some things and make things better, I just need another chance. I just need to give him his time and its hard to get through days when I can’t even get through hours. I’m just…hoping for the best. I love and miss him, and hope we can over come this.

  32. mattie says:

    A guy broke up with me he’d been my first in years and I acted like a total psycho I begged pleaded the whole thing 2weeks ago I stopped texting and begging I want him back but I’m trying to accept that its not going to happen it hurts like no other pain I’ve ever felt but I got to let it go for my own sanity hoping and wishing and prayings not helping I just want to feel better and accept that he’s gone .he won’t talk so its time I just wish I knew how its torture

  33. babunir ammu says:

    i loved him so much,word fails to describe it… my first love…. he cheated on me for some other gals… its been 2 years, but still at night i cry… i miss him like hell.. i wish he is happy with his present gf… he promised me to gift me three kids– named babuni, babaun, babui ( sneha sontu jojo) … i dnt knw why man cheat.. why??

    feeling good reading it.. it gives me strength… i cant forget him.nither i can forgive him.

  34. Becky says:

    Im really struggling with a break up at the minute. we broke up a week ago. I was with this guy for a year and it took me quite a while to trust him due to a previous relationship. We bickered but didnt really argue. We went on holiday to turkey together had an amazing time then all of a sudden a feew days after we came back he ended it completly out of the blue saying he has been having doubts for months but didnt know how to tell me. The only reason he can give me is that he used to think i was the one he wanted to settle down with an now he doesnt. He said he loves and misses me but he will never change his mind and i need to move on. i just dont understand why it came to an end because i was so happy and i thought he was too. i havent been able to eat or sleep and am constantly crying even when im out trying to take my mind of things. I havent been going to work because hes my boss and i cant face him. Its the constant aching pain in the pit of my stomach that i cant deal with. I know i shouldnt of been but im been constantly texting him asking for another chance but he just ignores me. He has been ringing my family saying he is worried that im not coping and he never meant to hurt me but theres no going back. I really dont know what else to do i feel like giving up.Everyday the pain is getting worse. I keep wondering what hes doing and who hes with and going over every little detail of our relsationship to try and work out what it is i did wrong.

  35. Collette says:

    When it comes to love, my bf is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I severely slipped up during a time in our relationship when I was very uncertain about the future…I had a weak moment and I gave in to sleeping with another guy. By the time my bf found out, I was at a point where I was sure that I wanted to be with him more than anything, but what was done was done and he broke up with me. And I feel so regretful. He’s been wonderful to me in a way no one has ever been before. I asked him if we can please talk next week and he said we could…I have changed a lot and I hope he will see that I can be better the second time around if he gives me a chance. We love each other so much. I hope for the best. But for now I am just missing him so much.

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