In response to my previous post on, When Your Ex Sends A Text Message After The Breakup: What To Do, I received an email last week from a reader. She detailed out her road of agony and asked me, “should I consider getting back with my ex after being dumped?”. I replied her with my two cents, but specifically mentioned that I am not a licensed therapist. All what I can give advice on are based on my painful personal experiences and the ones that I’ve seen my friends go through.

Anyway, it brought back some memories of my own breakup and how I was running around trying to do everything possible to get back with my ex.

I am bit embarrassed to admit but there was once a time when I also considered getting back with my ex after being dumped. To me, it seemed as if getting back together was the only possible solution. Being blinded by all the emotions I was going through, I didn’t see anything wrong with it. In fact the immediate days that followed the breakup, I could think of nothing else but wonder, “What can I do to get back with him and be the way we were”.

I didn’t have any respect for myself and did everything I could do, that I shouldn’t have done! It took a while to realize that I need to move on, and there is no point in pining after someone that does not want anything to do with me (Harsh truth!).

Ebooks like Get Your ex-boyfriend back or Pull Your Ex Back make it sound ridiculously easy. I don’t understand why these ebooks record such a high sales rate. Perhaps it’s because of the 60 day money back guarantee or maybe there are loads of people out there, who actually consider getting back with their ex and they want a proven guide.

While there is no YES/NO clear cut answer to “Should I consider getting back with my ex after being dumped?” I think the two most important questions you need to ask YOURSELF instead is

1. Could You Give Someone Who Broke Your Heart A Second Chance ?
(I wrote about it previously so, not going to repeat myself here again)

2. What’s the real reason you want to get back with your ex?

Is it because you are lonely?
Is it because you hate the thought of starting all over again and trying to find someone else?
Is it because you are so used to the lifestyle you two had together?

Believe me, these are all the wrong reasons to get back with your ex.

On the other hand, if you were being dumped for a misunderstanding or perhaps, you did something wrong that really annoyed your ex etc.. If so, you should try to see whether it’s possible to reconcile with your ex.

What do you do, when your ex sends you a text?

Well, this really depends on what you want from your ex. So here are 3 scenarios that might be able to relate to.
(This may seem pretty straightforward but when you are going through a difficult breakup what you should do and what you want to do often differ!)

1. You want nothing to do with your ex

When your ex sends a text message and you are certain that you want nothing to do with you ex, it’s pretty obvious what your next move should be.

Ignore the text message -> delete it without reading it!
A fair warning… I have gone the “I’ll just ignore it” route, and failed miserably. The thing is when your ex sent a text, even if you don’t read it you feel the urge to read it; to know what it is!

The other option is to let your ex know that you don’t want to be contacted again.

2. You want to be just friends with your ex

If you plan to remain “just friends”, make sure that correct expectations are set initially. If you are the one who dumped your partner, it’s possible that your ex is still in love with you or cares about you. Your friendliness may be misinterpreted as a sign of getting back together.

3. You want to get your ex back

It may be a good sign that your ex sent you a message. However, don’t jump into the conclusion that you got the text because your ex wants to get back together with you. Try to find out the actual reason for the text message. (I don’t mean to shatter all your hope, but it could well be that your ex misses you or wants something from you!)
(side note: I’ve written previous post on Should I Consider Getting Back With My Ex After Being Dumped?, which you might find useful)

Anyways, you are probably thrilled to receive the message and you want to immediately text or call back. But, don’t be too eager to respond to the message. You don’t want to give the impression that you’ve been waiting by the phone to hear from your ex, even though it may be the truth.

Also, keep the reply short. It should be “bait” to get a longer conversation going, so don’t detail out everything that happened while the two of you were apart.
This first text could be the first step towards reconciliation. Remember there is a long way to go.
Read through Reverse your breakup for some practical tips on how to actually get your ex back.

At the end of the day, whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s a firm decision and you don’t change your mind later.
For example, if you simply decide to just ignore the text, really do it. Don’t let your curiosity get the best of you.

I wish you the best!

All the mess surrounding your break up can really take a toll on you and tests your character. It’s like a pot of boiling water, too small for its own pot. If you are not careful, it can boil over!

Yes indeed, sometimes, it just pushes you off the edge, of your own decency!

How do I know all this? Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I have definitely fantasized about getting revenge from my ex (to a healthy degree!).

In my journey of getting over my ex, there are few things that I’ve learned about getting revenge after a break up from my ex. I want to share with anyone who is currently considering getting revenge from an ex.

• Getting revenge from your ex, it will make you happy the very moment you do it. But it will only bring you a temporary satisfaction.




• You think revenge will make you feel better, but you still feel “unfulfilled”, will hold your ex responsible for their actions. Basically, even after revenge, you will still feel crappy!




• Some of the things that you do may have a long term impact. Later you will feel guilty and regret your actions.




• As long as you stay focused on getting revenge from your ex, you are stuck thinking about your ex. The pain of all the actions that you ex has caused will play back over and over in your head. If you have decided put the entire break up mess behind you and move on, getting revenge will hold you back.

When you seek revenge from your ex, you “jeopardize” everything about you, that makes you good. Revenge has its way of destroying the very core of who you are. Don’t let your ex take that away from you.

After consuming way too much alcohol, she asked me,

Persha, what hurts more? Being dumped for someone younger, prettier or just getting dumped for other reasons?

Even after several tequila shots, I couldn’t answer that one!

I have been dumped many times but I was never dumped for someone else. Lisa’s question seemed glued to my mind and when “clarity” state of mind arrived the following morning, I felt I should blog about it!
So, here’s my take on this…

• Getting dumped for someone else.. well it might be a big blow on the ego. You naturally, tend to feel that you were not good enough; or that there was something wrong with you that made your partner leave.




• Given the nature of my break ups, I think it would have been easier for me to accept being dumped for someone else than being dumped for no one. I’m thinking it might reduce all the why me, what if and all the activity that went on in my mind when I didn’t know the “actual” reason I got dumped!




• Getting dumped for whatever reason hurts; the hurt and pain would vary based on how much you loved your partner and how much you’ve invested or scarified to make things work. When you are at the receiving end of being dumped, the reason for the break up might not be the reason you are willing to accept.

When we are trying to sort out the irreconcilable differences and rationalize the irrational, “The grass” no matter, how twisted, may look greener on the “other side”. Either way it hurts…

So what do you think? Does getting dumped for someone else hurt less, than being dumped for no one?

Often I start thinking about the smallest things that I may have done to upset him. I ask myself, “if this had not happened would we still be together?”.

I blame myself everyday with what I could have done better; what I could have done PERIOD. However, at the end of the day, there is this tiny little voice that rise above the negative self-talk. It gives me a very small satisfaction of knowing that I gave it my all and did what I could.

Sure, we all could have done things differently.

For me, the biggest thing I blame myself for is,…. I was expecting too much from him. It took me a while to understand that a relationship is formed not only through looking good, but the attitude, mental set-up and desire of individuals rather score heavily.

So what is it that you blame yourself for?
Do you really think you are to blame for the break up? Honestly?

Getting over blaming yourself for the break up

Well, I don’t know much about your story, but you should not shoulder all the blame yourself. It definitely takes two to make a relationship. Equally, it takes two to break one. Indeed, both of you share equally responsibility for why the relationship ended. ( I am assuming here that you haven’t done anything drastic like cheating etc)

Don’t take it to the other extreme where you start blaming yourself incessantly. The thoughts of “If only I did this instead” don’t really serve you well. Constantly wracking your mind for what you think you did wrong, is going to make you feel bad about yourself. It’s not healthy at all and can lead to depression and other what not!

Sadly, things don’t always work out the way they portray it in Hollywood movies. Sometimes, it’s possible that a break up can happen without it being anyone’s “fault.”; I guess sometimes, it take a while to realize that two people just aren’t compatible or rather it was not meant to be.

Good luck and I hope you find some peace.
Have you been in a position where you blamed yourself for the break up? Did you get past yourself blame? I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment and let me know.

How your mind makes your life miserable after a break up

1. You blame yourself for the break up
2. Feel that you are not good enough
3. Wonder what you could have done differently
4. Think that the person who broke your heart, is the only one for you
5. Compare yourself to your ex’s new partner
6. Think there is no purpose in living
7. Not dealing with your emotions
8. Keeping hope alive that you will get back together

How your daily activities make your life miserable after a break up

9. Mope around in pajamas for days
10. Jumping into a relationship with someone too soon (rebound dating)
11. Keeping tabs on your ex
12. Turning Into a party animal
13. Plotting revenge on your ex
14. Drowning your sorrows in alcohol
15. Keep contact with your ex
16. Waiting by the phone hoping your ex will call
17. Holding on to things that remind your of your ex
18. Listing to depressing break up songs
19. Desperately pleading with your ex, to take you back
20. Joining sites like BeNaughty.com and trying to find dates.
21. Ignoring your friends and family who want to help you, get through this break up period
22. Neglecting your current responsibly in the face of being dumped (kids, work etc)

If you recently went through a break up or is going through a agonizing break up, I’m sure you’ll have plenty to add to this list.
How have you made your life more miserable? Anything more you would like to add from your experience? Leave a comment below, I would love to hear from you.

You sometimes tend to think,

• What my ex has done is simply inexcusable!
• My ex doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.

If you are in a similar situation, you are likely to relate to everything I’ve said so far.
I know all too well, forgiving your ex is hard; it feels near impossible!

Not forgiving your ex imprisons you!

Unless you acknowledge the hatred (and the “rest of the crap”!) and try to sort it out, eventually, it grows like a parasite and starts to eat away the “best of you”.

• 1. Your inner voice constantly reminds you of all your ex’s wrongdoings
• 2. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view towards your ex’s actions, you still feel miserable!
• 3. You are blind to all the wonderful people and things around you
• 4. You stop appreciating the small things that could make you happy
• 5. Basically, you are busy being annoyed, angry and you always feel disappointed.
• 6. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of deprecating ruts.
• 7. It starts affecting your physical and emotional health.

Unforgiveness is like fixing a glass of poison for your enemy and then drinking it yourself. ~ Susan St. James

And that’s your thought for the day.

I plan to write more on forgiveness, its area I’m struggle myself. I guess I am drinking my own poison!
Subscribe and stay tuned for future posts.

When it comes to guys, I always find it difficult to buy them gifts, irrespective of whether it’s a valentine’s day gift or not!
If you are looking for suggestions or valentine’s day gift ideas for your boyfriend, start with what would make your boyfriend feel loved. What are his hobbies, anything he would like.
When I think of my boyfriend and what would make the ideal valentine’s day gift.. Well, sports, video games, anything electronic (ahem) come to mind!

here’s my list of recommendations.

7 cheap valentine’s day gift ideas for your boyfriend

1. Kinect Sports

Well, it’s no surprise that most guys like sports and well, this is catering into what they love! This game focuses on a variety of sports which include soccer, bowling, boxing, table tennis, beach volleyball, and track & field. It’s really cool and fun to play this with a group of friends or even you can play with him (make sure you let him win )

All in all each game has its own style of play, and your boyfriend is sure to love this if he is sports!

2. Cool Water By Davidoff For Men. Eau De Toilette Spray 4.2 Ounces

This has a clean and invigorating scent and for some reason I am drawn to it. I guess it’s more of a present for me than him. But let’s just keep it between us

Anyway, this Valentines day Gift is cheap, presentable and classy!

3. Tommy Hilfiger Mens Ranger Passcase

This is a small type of wallet. It has a few compartments for IDs and credit cards and one compartment for cash. Cool, simple and very stylish. Does that describe your boyfriend?

4. Panasonic ES4026NC Pro Curve Rechargeable Double Blade Wet/Dry Men’s Shaver

For $30 I would say that an electric shaver is a bargain! I have not used this shaver, obviously! but it does have good reviews at Amazon, which may be worth checking out.

5. Arkon Universal Windshield with Dashboard and Console Mount for Mobile Phones and Smartphones

Phone gadgets and accessories. We would think that guys can’t have enough of them! But then again I guess they must be thinking the same about our cloths and shoes!

6. Roku XD Streaming Player 1080p

I am not sure whether you have heard about this before but Roku are a Californian tech company who have been producing internet based streaming media boxes that work with televisions for around 2 years. This streaming player allows for the presentation of internet based music, images and videos via a wireless broadband connection. It works on all televisions, with a maximum picture resolution of 1080p.

7. Xbox 360 Live 1600 Points

Need I say more!

During my teenage years, after being dumped I thought, if I apologized for something I did, my partner will want to get back together. Sometimes, I apologized even if it wasn’t my fault. Sometimes, it worked! We got back together, but then eventually the relationship ended. I knew I should have “let go, the first time I got dumped!

As I got older (and wiser in late twenties!), I realized that I don’t have to be sorry or responsible for EVERYTHING, that led to a break up. Often, you tend to think you were dumped because of something YOU did. Keep in mind that this is not always the case. If you screwed up then it’s very likely that you would know what you did! You would most probably try to sort things between the two of you. But if out of the blue, your partner decides to dump you, then it could well be that there’s something else your partner is looking for.

However badly you might want to get back with your ex, if there’s

one thing you should never apologize for its telling the truth and being YOU.

Sometimes you might want to say certain things that are a bit uncomfortable for your partner hear. Remember, the truth will always remain true, and you are not accountable to apologize for saying such things.

If at all you feel the need to apologize, apologize for the pain; for saying these things might have caused. However, the actual act and reason should not be one of remorse. It’s no longer in your control once the truth is out how the other person will handle hearing that information.

Related Posts

• Regret Breaking up? Dealing With Feelings Of Regret After A Break Up
• Never Satisfied: How & Why Men Cheat
• Breakup Pain: What To Do When You Can’t Stop Feeling Sad And Hurt
• Using Technology As A Way To Dump Someone and End a Relationship

There are a few things you can do, to coping with loneliness easier. This I say with my own experience of getting over my ex. Here is my take on coping with loneliness…

1. Keep yourself Busy

The best way to cope with loneliness is simply to keep busy. Do those things that you love to do and enjoy doing. Learning is the best way to keep from being lonely. Find something to do that you find enjoyable like a sport or a game or hobby. Reading books that are interesting will help you forget the passage of time.

2. Get out of the house!

Don’t just sit around the house moping while the take-out boxes pile up around the house. You need stimulation to get over a breakup. Go out! See a movie, go shopping, eat out with some friends, go to a salon, gym or go for a walk. Anything that lets you look at something besides the same four walls is good.

3. Volunteer – Help someone else

One of the best ways to feel good is to help someone else in need. When you realize that there are so many others who are going through a much tougher time, it makes you privileged.

4. Think positive

After a break up you feel sad and lonely; You just want be left alone to cuddle up and weep. Then there are a few people who are just filled with anger and want to ruin lives; both are equally horrible.

It is simply a matter of changing your perspective and believing in yourself. You are lovable and deserved to be loved in the best way possible.

You have to make yourself happy to fight with loneliness, unless you are happy within yourself nobody can make you happy. Just remember even if you don’t have anyone that cares about you, you can always meet someone. I hope things work out for you.